


8inding Contracts

by mtjester



Series: Contractstuck [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Angels & Demons, Alternate Universe - Demons, Ambiguous Relationships, Demonstuck, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, F/F, F/M, Illustrated, Illustrations, M/M, Manipulation, Murder, Organized Crime, Quadrant Confusion, Quadrant Vacillation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-28
Updated: 2017-04-13
Packaged: 2018-04-11 19:06:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 25,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4448588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mtjester/pseuds/mtjester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>VRISKA: How a8out this.<br/>
VRISKA: I'll give you all the luck in the world...<br/>
VRISKA: IF you give yourself to me.<br/>
VRISKA: Let's sign a contract. A 8INDING contract.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 8inding Contract

**Author's Note:**

> This work is connected to my contractstuck au on tumblr (found [here](http://mtjester.tumblr.com/tagged/contractstuck/chrono)). Most of it now is art-centric, but there will be more prose in later chapters.

Tavros couldn't remember the first time he noticed the woman in black, but she suddenly seemed to be almost everywhere he went.  She was on the train, in the park, standing at the end of the block outside his apartment, sitting at the last booth in the diner when he went out to eat with his neighborhood pals.  She looked harmless, maybe even beautiful the way her thick hair fell around her shoulders, but he felt chills trill down his back whenever he saw her.  It was eerie how she always seemed to appear wherever he went.  He knew it was foolish to think of their serendipitous meetings as anything but coincidence, but how could it not be?  She was _everywhere_.  And every time he saw her, without fail, her eyes flashed to his, and their gaze locked.  She had deep blue irises that really should have been alluring, but something was off.  Her eyes weren't natural.  They branded his mind, so that even when he was sleeping, he could feel her gaze. The prospect of facing those eyes began to make his skin crawl whenever he had to venture out into public.

He didn't want to tell his brother why he was growing so hesitant to leave the apartment, so he made up an excuse about his wheelchair.  The wheels were sticking, he told him.  He knew that Rufioh wouldn't have the money to get his chair fixed even if it were broken, and when he saw the pain of that realization flash across Rufioh's face, he almost felt bad enough to tell the truth.  But he couldn't find the confidence to admit that a strange woman he saw a couple times creeped him out, so he just apologized and told Rufioh not to worry about it.  He stayed home while Rufioh went to work, playing video games he had played a million times already.

But Tavros didn't like to be alone or confined to his apartment. The cramped, deteriorating living spaces were dismal, and the sparsity of windows made the air go stale. He had barely buckled down for two full days when a text from a friend broke his resolve.

 

AC: hey tavros! wanna come urban hunting with me?

AT:  aS IN, dUMPSTER DIVING?

AC: if you want to get technical i guess  
AC: i found a neat place off main street that i think you'll really like!  
AC: i know you can't really dive in the dumpsters or anything but it'll still be fun purrobably

AT: yEAH, i BET,  
AT: iT DOES SOUND LIKE FUN, bUT i DON'T KNOW,

AC: why nooooot?

AT: uH, wELL,  
AT: bECAUSE, mY WHEELS,

AC: bullshit!  
AC: rufioh says he's been keeping an eye on you and that he doesn't think there's anything wrong with your chair  
AC: if you're feeling down, you really shouldn't sit at home moping around!  
AC: come on, this will help, i purromise!

AT: uHHHH, bUT, tHAT'S NOT, uM,  
AT: yEAH, oKAY,  
AT: sHOULD i MEET YOU ON MAIN STREET,

AC: yessssss! i'll see you there! :3

After some preparation, Tavros threw his backpack onto the back of his chair and opened the door to leave his apartment.  Standing outside, leaning against the wall opposite him, was the woman in black.

"Going somewhere?" she asked.  Her voice came out in a drawl, cocky but smooth as cream.  Tavros froze at the door.

"Uh," he said.

"You know, Tavros," she said, pushing away from the wall and coming towards him, "things would be a lot easier if you weren't stuck in that wheelchair."

She stopped in front of him, and in a second of panic, he slammed the door in her face.  Chills ran down his back.  No sounds came from the other side of the door.

"I can help you with that, you know," said a voice inside his apartment. His heart seized.  He looked over his shoulder, and she stood behind him, leaning on his kitchen counter.

"How...?"

"Quit being such a baby," she said, rolling her eyes.  "God, you're worse than I thought.  You're hopeless! _Obviously_ you need my help.  So, what do you say?"

"What do you mean?  What help?"

Her lips curled into a smirk.  "You  _do_ believe in magic, don't you?"

"Uh," he said, and he swallowed.  He did, but that answer felt more like a promise than a response.  And he didn't know what he was promising. "Sort of?"

"Good," she said.  She stepped forward and put her hand on his forehead.  A sensation like warm water ran down his scalp and trailed along his back.  He felt it run past the old injury in his spine and into his hips, down through his legs until it rested in his feet.  For a moment, the agonizing feeling of static that bites at a limb after it's fallen asleep gripped both his legs, and he grabbed the arms of his wheelchair.  But his heart was pounding.  For the first time in years, _he could feel his legs_.

"What--how--what did you do?" he asked, looking up at the woman.  Her smirk widened into a smile.  Her dress melted away into a cloud of black mist, and her hair lifted off her shoulders as though it were weightless.

"It was easy," she said. "I'm a demon, and I've had my eyes on you for a while now.  So stand up.  See how you like them.  Take them for a test ride, and once you decide you're happy, I have a proposition for you that you'd be a moron to refuse."

The static died away, leaving nothing but a feeling of life in his limbs.  He hardly dared to breathe.  Gripping the armrests of his chair, he pushed himself forward and stood.  And he stayed standing.  His legs felt real, substantial, like they hadn't spent years atrophying.  He took a step, and it was like the accident had never happened.

He gulped down the multitude of emotions tightening his throat and turned to the demon.  "Uh, okay, so Miss Demon--"

"Vriska," she interrupted.  "Come on, Tavros, you can at least manage a proper introduction, right?"

"But, you already know my name."

"So you can't ask mine?"

"Uhhh...no, sorry, you're right. That was rude of me. So...Vriska, you...had a proposition?"

Her lips parted to show pointed teeth.

  


VRISKA: How a8out this.  
VRISKA: I'll give you all the luck in the world...  
VRISKA: IF you give yourself to me.  
VRISKA: Let's sign a contract. A 8INDING contract.


	2. Crossing Paths

Demons...are harder than you thought they'd be.

* * *

* * *


	3. A Proposition

GAMZEE:  i can’t guarantee the safety of no bitch what gets her wicked self all up in my mother fuckin business.  
GAMZEE:  SO YOU BEST BE KEEPING YOUR MOTHER FUCKIN HANDS OFF WHAT ALL I CONSIDER TO BE MINE.

VRISKA:  Calm down.  
VRISKA:  You’ve 8een meddling with my ward l8ly, so it’s only fair I get to fuss with yours.

VRISKA:  She’s interesting, 8y the way.  I like her.

GAMZEE:  i don’t give no mother fuckin shits how you get your feelings on about my human.  
GAMZEE:  NO LUCK MAGIC OF YOURS WILL BE PREVENTING THE MIRACLES WHAT’LL BE GETTING THEIR HAPPEN ON FOR THE MAINTENANCE OF OUR MOTHER FUCKIN UNION.

VRISKA:  I don’t know what “miracles” you think you’re talking a8out, 8ut if they involve incarcerating MY human, we have a pro8lem.

GAMZEE:  mother fuckin business my wicked sister.

VRISKA:  8ut you don’t mean that, do you?  
VRISKA:  Admit it, you’ve taken a liking to my protege.

GAMZEE:  WHAT’S IT TO YOU, MOTHER FUCKER?

VRISKA:  I’ve 8een thinking.  You like my human, and I like yours.  
VRISKA:  How a8out we strike a deal?  You and me, in cahoots with our adora8le human idiots.

GAMZEE:  what mother fuckin deal?

VRISKA:  Just a time share of sorts.  A dou8le contract.

GAMZEE:  WHAT’S THIS MOTHER FUCKIN SICK BLASPHEMY YOU’RE SPILLING ALL UP INTO MY MOTHER FUCKING EARS?  
GAMZEE:  no deal like what you’re proposing is good for the likes of what we are.  
GAMZEE:  IT’S AGAINST THE MOST SACRED OF MOTHER FUCKIN LAWS WHAT OUR HOLY MESSIAHS UP AND WROTE DOWN FOR OUR FUCKIN KIND.

VRISKA:  Oh god.  You actually follow the rules?  
VRISKA:  8ooooooooring.  And I thought you would 8e more fun than that.  
VRISKA:  It’s not like they even matter!

GAMZEE:  i don’t fuck with what all i consider sacred to me in my mother fucking heart.

VRISKA:  If you say so.  
VRISKA:  It’s too 8ad…I really did think you liked him.  
VRISKA:  He might have liked you, too.  And think of all the 8enefits of having two humans!  
VRISKA:  He’s good, you know.  VERY obedient.  He feeds me well.  
VRISKA:  Your loss, I guess.

GAMZEE:  WAIT A MOTHER FUCKIN SECOND.

VRISKA:  Hmm?

GAMZEE:  you really think the mother fucker would get all his mother fuckin affections on for me?

VRISKA:  Who knows?  He might if he could see you for a change.  
VRISKA:  I do know he’d feed you 8etter than Lawful McJustice does.

GAMZEE: ….  
GAMZEE:  I’LL GET MY CONSIDERATIONS ON ABOUT IT.

VRISKA:  That’s what I thought.  ::::)


	4. Dou8le Contracts

 

["Tavros, a friend of yours is here." | "Who? Nepeta?" | "I don't know her." | "Hmm? I don't know her either." | "Really? But she knows you."]

TAVROS: sO, uH, hOW DID YOU KNOW gAMZEE WOULD CONTACT ME,

TEREZI:  YOUR D3MON VR1SK4 OFF3R3D M3 4 CONTR4CT NOT LONG 4GO

TAVROS:  oH, sO YOU’RE WITH vRISKA NOW, tOO,

TEREZI:  NO DUMMY  
TEREZI:  S1GN1NG TWO CONTR4CTS 1S 4G41NST TH3 RUL3S

TAVROS:  tHERE ARE RULES,

TEREZI:  OBV1OUSLY!  
TEREZI:  D1DNT YOU R34D TH3 CONTR4CT B3FOR3 YOU 4GR33D TO TH3 COND1T1ONS?

TAVROS:  uHH,,,  
TAVROS:  yOU CAN,  
TAVROS:  aCTUALLY READ THE CONTRACT,  
TAVROS:  i THOUGH IT WAS METAPHYSICAL, oR SOMETHING LIKE THAT,

TEREZI:  OH MY GOD  
TEREZI:  Y3S YOU C4N R34D TH3 CONTR4CT!  
TEREZI:  4ND YOU SHOULD H4V3  
TEREZI:  DO YOU 3V3N KNOW WH4T YOUR3 G3TT1NG YOURS3LF 1NTO?

TAVROS:  wELL, sORT OF, sINCE i’VE BEEN WITH VRISKA THIS LONG,  
TAVROS:  i’M ASSUMING tHAT gAMZEE IS SIMILAR, iN THAT HE REQUIRES FEEDING BY THE PERFORMANCE OF UNACCEPTABLE ACTS,  
TAVROS:  wHICH, i GUESS i DO A LOT NOW ANYWAY, sO,

TEREZI:  1LL S4Y!  
TEREZI:  YOU DONT 3V3N KNOW TH4T 1VE B33N TR4CK1NG YOU DOWN FOR W33KS NOW DO YOU

TAVROS:  yEAH, nO, i DIDN’T KNOW THAT,

TEREZI:  YOUR3 4 W4NT3D CR1M1N4L  
TEREZI:  4 B1G T1M3 W4NT3D CR1M1N4L!  
TEREZI:  4T L34ST NOW 1 KNOW WHY YOUR3 SO H4RD TO C4TCH

TAVROS:  oKAY, sO WAIT, aRE YOU GOING TO ARREST ME NOW,

TEREZI:  1F 1 W3R3 GO1NG TO 4RR3ST YOU DO YOU R34LLY TH1NK 1 WOULD H4V3 B33N 4BL3 TO F1ND YOU

TAVROS:  i GUESS NOT, bECAUSE OF vRISKA’S LUCK MAGIC,  
TAVROS:  bUT TO BE HONEST, i DON’T KNOW HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS,  
TAVROS:  iT’S ALL BEEN A BIG ACCIDENT, tHAT KEEPS HAPPENING, aND NEVER STOPS,

TEREZI:  4R3 YOU S3R1OUS

TAVROS:  yEAH, i WISH i WASN’T, bUT i AM,  
TAVROS:  vRISKA JUST TOLD ME THAT SHE WOULD HELP ME TO DEAL WITH PROBLEMS THAT i HAVE WITH HER LUCK,  
TAVROS:  bUT THEN TERRIBLE THINGS STARTED TO HAPPEN,  
TAVROS:  sHE WANTED ME TO GO TO A CLUB, wITH THE EXCUSE THAT i SHOULD GET OUT MORE AND HAVE FUN,  
TAVROS:  wHICH, oKAY, i GUESS MIGHT BE TRUE,  
TAVROS:  bUT AFTER SOME THINGS THAT HAPPENED, i FOUND PEOPLE WHO WERE DOING ILLICIT ACTIVITIES,  
TAVROS:  aND WHEN THEY TRIED TO SILENCE ME, fROM TELLING ANYONE, wHICH i WASN’T GOING TO DO ANYWAY,  
TAVROS:  tHEY ALL ACCIDENTALLY DIED, oR GOT KILLED, iN A SEQUENCE OF EVENTS THAT SEEMED REALLY CONTRIVED,  
TAVROS:  wHICH i LATER DISCOVERED WAS A PRODUCT OF vRISKA’S LUCK MAGIC,  
TAVROS:  aND FOR A WHILE, i WAS IN A LOT OF TROUBLE, bUT MORE LUCKY THINGS HAPPENED,  
TAVROS:  aND NOW STRANGE PEOPLE MEET ME IN SECRET PLACES, aND ASK ME TO GIVE THEM INFORMATION,  
TAVROS:  aND i ONLY VAGUELY REALLY KNOW ABOUT ANY OF IT, sO i JUST SAY THINGS THAT SOUND KIND OF ILLEGAL,  
TAVROS:  aND AM ALWAYS CORRECT,  
TAVROS:  sO NOW i’M A VICIOUS DRUG LORD, i GUESS,

TEREZI:  SO W41T  
TEREZI:  YOU N3V3R 4CTU4LLY K1LL3D 4NYON3

TAVROS:  oH, nO, i DID, mOSTLY IN SELF DEFENSE AND WITHOUT MEANING TO,  
TAVROS:  wHOOPS,

TEREZI:  1NCR3D1BL3

TAVROS:  i HAVE A LOT OF MONEY NOW, tHOUGH, wHICH IS NICE,  
TAVROS:  vRISKA WANTS ME TO SPEND IT ON THINGS LIKE GAMBLING, oR PROSTITUTES, oR TO DO COCAINE,  
TAVROS:  bUT MOSTLY i JUST BUY VIDEO GAMES, aND THINGS FOR RUFIOH,  
TAVROS:  i GOT HIM A NEW CAR,  
TAVROS:  :)

TEREZI:  STOP SM1L1NG!  
TEREZI:  YOUR3 1N SO D33P 1 C4N 4LMOST T4ST3 HOW FUCK3D YOU 4R3  
TEREZI:  YOU SHOULDNT H4V3 S1GN3D TH4T CONTR4CT W1TH G4MZEE!

TAVROS:  i KNOW HE’S ANOTHER DEMON, bUT HE SEEMS MUCH NICER THAN vRISKA,  
TAVROS:  sHE CAN BE REALLY HARSH ON ME, eSPECIALLY WHEN i DON’T AGREE TO DO THE THINGS SHE ASKS ME TO,  
TAVROS:  gAMZEE WAS CHILL, aND NICE, aND HE RAPPED WITH ME BEFORE WE SIGNED THE CONTRACT, wHICH WAS REALLY FUN,

TEREZI:  H3 1S NOT N1C3!  
TEREZI:  1F YOU TH1NK VR1SK4 1S B4D YOUR3 1N FOR 4 HORR1BL3 SURPR1S3  
TEREZI:  G4MZ33 1SNT SOM3 PL34S4NT LUCK F41RY  
TEREZI:  H3S 4 R4G3 D3MON  
TEREZI:  DO YOU H4V3 4NY 1D34 WH4T TH4T M34NS?

TAVROS:  hE,,,hAS A SHORT TEMPER,,,

TEREZI:  NO!  
TEREZI:  H3 C4N M4K3 HUM4NS LOS3 CONTROL OF TH3MS3LV3S  
TEREZI:  1F H3 W4NTS H3 COULD M4K3 4NY OF TH3 CR1M1N4LS YOU D34L W1TH LOS3 TH31R SH1T 4ND 4TT4CK YOU 4ND YOULL H4V1 NO CHO1C3 BUT TO K1LL TH3M 1N S3LF D3F3NS3!  
TEREZI:  4ND TH4TS TH3 N1C3 V3RS1ON  
TEREZI:  H3 C4N 1NDUC3 SUCH T3RR1BL3 R4G3 1N YOU TH4T YOU C4NT 3V3N TH1NK  
TEREZI:  YOULL DO 4WFUL TH1NGS 4ND M4K3 M1ST4K3S TH4T HURT YOU L4T3R  
TEREZI:  DO YOU KNOW WH4T 1 W3NT THROUGH B3FOR3 1 L34RN3D HOW TO G3T H1S CLOWN 4SS UND3R CONTROL???

TAVROS:  uH, nO, i DON’T,

TEREZI:  GOOD B3C4US3 YOU WOULDNT W4NT TO

TAVROS:  oKAY, bUT, wHAT IF,  
TAVROS:  i ASKED HIM NOT TO DO THAT,

TEREZI:  TH3 WORD “D3MON1C” M34NS WH4T 1T DO3S FOR 4 R34SON T4VROS  
TEREZI:  H3 DO3SNT C4R3 WH4T YOU W4NT  
TEREZI:  N31TH3R OF TH3M DO  
TEREZI:  D3MONS 4R3 3V1L  
TEREZI:  4ND NOW YOU H4V3 TWO OF TH3M TO F33D  
TEREZI:  TH3YR3 GO1NG TO T34R YOU 4P4RT

TAVROS: ,,,sHIT,  
TAVROS:  oKAY, uH, sO,  
TAVROS:  wHAT DO i DO,

TEREZI:  YOU DONT DO 4NYTH1NG  
TEREZI:  1 W4S SUPPOS3D TO G3T TO YOU B3FOR3 H3 P1TCH3D TH3 CONTR4CT SO W3 COULD BOTH 4VO1D 4 HORR1BL3 F4T3  
TEREZI:  BUT 1 F41L3D SO  
TEREZI:  1 GU3SS TH3 ONLY TH1NG TO DO 1S S1GN TH3 CONTR4CT W1TH VR1SK4  
TEREZI:  >:[

TAVROS:  i THOUGHT YOU DIDN’T WANT TO DO THAT,

TEREZI:  1 C4NT JUST S1T B4CK 4ND L3T YOU SHOULD3R TH3 BURD3N OF F33D1NG TWO D3MONS 4LON3  
TEREZI:  3SP3C14LLY WH3N ON3 OF TH3M 1S 4LR34DY M1N3  
TEREZI:  1F BOTH OF US 4R3 1N ON 1T W3 C4N 4T L34ST D1V1D3 TH3 R3SPONS1B1L1TY B3TW33N US SOM3WH4T 3QU4LLY  
TEREZI:  BUT R3M3MB3R TH4T 1M 4 COP T4VROS  
TEREZI:  3V3N W1TH TH1S 4RR4NG3M3NT 1 C4NT R34LLY GO OUT 4ND DO 4 BUNCH OF 1LLEG4L TH1NGS

TAVROS:  nO, tHAT’S FINE,  
TAVROS:  iT’S ACTUALLY REALLY NICE OF YOU TO OFFER TO DO THIS FOR ME,  
TAVROS:  wHEN YOU COULD REALISTICALLY JUST ARREST ME, oR OTHERWISE JUST LEAVE AND NEVER LOOK BACK,  
TAVROS:  sO i SHOULD SAY THANK YOU,

TEREZI:  M1S3RY LOV3S COMP4NY  
TEREZI:  4T L34ST W3 BOTH H4V3 SOM3ON3 TO SH4R3 OUR S3CR3TS W1TH NOW

TAVROS:  yES, i TOTALLY AGREE,  
TAVROS:  iT’S LIKE WE HAVE OUR OWN TINY SUPPORT GROUP NOW,  
TAVROS:  wHICH i KNOW THAT i, fOR ONE, wILL APPRECIATE,

TEREZI:  Y34H  
TEREZI:  M3 TOO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are some small additional comics on [my tumblr contractstuck page](http://mtjester.tumblr.com/tagged/contractstuck) about how Gamzee, Terezi, Tavros, and Vriska interact from this point on, such as [this one](http://mtjester.tumblr.com/post/109058153400/gamzee-changes-a-lot-more-than-vriska-depending-on) and [this one](http://mtjester.tumblr.com/post/102965284900/scourge-sisters-go-gambling).


	5. Power Im8alances

["...What...?" | "My god"]

["It's a child..." | "I killed a child..." | "WHY ISN'T IT THE MAN YOU SAID WAS FOLLOWING ME?"]

* * *

TEREZI:  WHO 1S 1T?

TAVROS:  uH, mE,  
TAVROS:  bY WHICH i MEAN, tAVROS,

TEREZI:  T4VROS?

TAVROS:  hI AGAIN,  
TAVROS:  i KNOW THAT IT’S LATE, aND THAT YOU NEVER ACTUALLY TOLD ME WHERE YOU LIVE,  
TAVROS:  aND THAT IT’S PROBABLY RUDE FOR ME TO SHOW UP UNIVITED LIKE THIS,  
TAVROS:  bUT, uH, rEMEMBER HOW WE WERE TALKING ABOUT A SUPPORT GROUP OF SORTS,  
TAVROS:  tO HELP US BOTH DEAL WITH THE BURDEN OF SHARING DEMONS,  
TAVROS:  i WAS HOPING THAT,  
TAVROS:  tHAT WAS STILL A THING YOU’D BE WILLING TO DO WITH ME,  
TAVROS:  aND,  
TAVROS:  i KIND OF NEED THAT RIGHT NOW, a LITTLE BIT,

TEREZI:  D1D SOM3TH1NG H4PP3N?

TAVROS:  i GUESS, tHAT WOULD BE A WAY TO PUT IT,  
TAVROS:  iS THERE A PLACE YOU HAVE IN YOUR HOME, wHERE DEMONS AREN’T LIKELY TO EAVESDROP ON THE MAYBE OFFENSIVE THINGS WE MIGHT SAY,  
TAVROS:  aBOUT THE THINGS THEY DO, aND HOW THOSE THINGS AREN’T WELCOME SOMETIMES,

TEREZI:  UH  
TEREZI:  Y3AH  
TEREZI:  COM3 1N 

TAVROS:  wOW, uH, yOUR HOUSE IS,  
TAVROS:  bRIGHTLY PAINTED,

TEREZI:  Y34H 1 KNOW  
TEREZI:  1 L1K3 TH3 COLORS  
TEREZI:  WH3N YOUV3 B33N BL1ND FOR 4S LONG 4S 1 W4S 1TS 34SY TO GO OV3RBO4RD

TAVROS:  wHOA, wHAT,  
TAVROS:  yOU WERE BLIND,

TEREZI:  1T’S 4 LONG STORY TH4T 1NVOLV3S G4MZ33 SO 1 DONT R34LLY W4NT TO T4LK 4BOUT 1T

TAVROS:  oH, nO, tHAT’S FINE,  
TAVROS:  i THINK i  CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU MEAN,  
TAVROS:  aCTUALLY, i THINK REALISTICALLY WE CAN CONSIDER THAT A POINT OF SIMILARITY BETWEEN US, fOR BONDING PURPOSES,  
TAVROS:  tHE HAVING OF DISABILITIES THAT WERE MAGICKED AWAY BY DEMONS, i MEAN,  
TAVROS:  sINCE i, tOO, hAD A PROBLEM LIKE THE ONE YOU DESCRIBED, wHICH WAS DISPELLED BY vRISKA, aS PART OF OUR CONTRACT,  
TAVROS:  oR, i GUESS, bEFORE THE CONTRACT WAS SIGNED, aS A WAY TO GAIN MY TRUST AND MAKE ME FEEL INCLINDED TO ACCEPT HER TERMS,

TEREZI:  W41T SO  
TEREZI:  YOU W3R3 BL1ND ONC3 TOO?

TAVROS:  nO, nOT BLIND, jUST CRIPPLED,  
TAVROS:  wHICH IS OBVIOUSLY NOT THE CASE ANYMORE FOR ME,

TEREZI:  OH  
TEREZI:  1 GU3SS TH4TS CLOS3 3NOUGH TO B31NG BL1ND TO CONST1TUT3 4 S1M1L4R1TY  
TEREZI:  3V3N THOUGH 1TS NOT 4T 4LL  
TEREZI:  BUT L3TS NOT G3T HUNG UP ON TH4T STUP1D1TY R1GHT NOW  
TEREZI:  UNL3SS TH4TS WH4T YOU C4M3 TO T4LK 4BOUT

TAVROS:  uH, nO, nOT REALLY,  
TAVROS:  uNLESS YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT,

TEREZI:  NOT R34LLY  
TEREZI:  L1K3 1 S41D 1TS SORT OF 4 SOR3 SUBJ3CT FOR M3

TAVROS:  oKAY, i CAN RESPECT THAT,  
TAVROS:  nO, tHE THING i WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT IS,  
TAVROS:  uH,  
TAVROS:  oKAY, lET ME JUST PREFACE THIS WITH MY UNDERSTANDING THAT YOU’RE INVOLVED WITH THE POLICE,  
TAVROS:  aND THAT i PROBABLY SHOULDN’T TELL YOU THIS,  
TAVROS:  aND THAT,  
TAVROS:  i DON’T MIND IF YOU HAVE TO TAKE ACTION AGAINST ME FOR IT,  
TAVROS:  bECAUSE, rEALISTICALLY, tHAT WOULD BE THE MOST APPROPRIATE THING FOR YOU TO DO,  
TAVROS:  aND THAT i UNDERSTAND, aND FULLY ENDORSE YOUR IMPULSES TO STAY TRUE TO YOUR CODE OF MORALITY,  
TAVROS:  iF YOU HAVE ONE OF THOSE,

TEREZI:  T4VROS G3T TO TH3 PO1NT

TAVROS:  uH, oKAY,  
TAVROS:  i SHOT A CHILD,  
TAVROS:  oN ACCIDENT,  
TAVROS:  aND KILLED HER, pROBABLY,

TEREZI:  YOU WH4T?  
TEREZI:  FUCK T4VROS!  
TEREZI:  WHY?

TAVROS:  i DIDN’T MEAN TO,  
TAVROS:  vRISKA TOLD ME THAT i WAS BEING FOLLOWED BY A MAN, wHO HYPOTHETICALLY WANTS TO HURT ME,  
TAVROS:  aND i FOOLISHLY BELIEVED HER,  
TAVROS:  aND i WAS DOING BUSINESS, iN A SHADY WAY, jUST A LITTLER EARLIER,  
TAVROS:  wHICH IS PROBABLY ALSO SOMETHING i SHOULDN’T BE TELLING YOU ABOUT,

TEREZI:  T4VROS 1 TH1NK W3V3 3ST4BL1SH3D TH4T 1M NOT GO1NG TO 4RR3ST YOU

TAVROS:  rIGHT,  
TAVROS:  uH,  
TAVROS:  aNYWAY,  
TAVROS:  i GOT NERVOUS, aND i GUESS RECKLESS,  
TAVROS:  i WAS ON EDGE IN WAYS THAT AREN’T USUAL FOR ME,  
TAVROS:  aND SO WHEN i HEARD SOMEONE BEHIND ME,  
TAVROS:  i  JUMPED TO CONCLUSIONS AND FIRED MY GUN,  
TAVROS:  aND IT WAS THE WRONG PERSON,  
TAVROS:  vRISKA SAID THAT SHE WASN’T INVOLVED, bUT i DON’T THINK i WOULD HAVE HIT THE TARGET IF SHE WASN’T,  
TAVROS:  i WAS HARDLY AIMING, aND i’M NOT A GOOD SHOT UNLESS vRISKA IS PERFORMING HER LUCK MAGIC,  
TAVROS:  bUT sHE’S NEVER MADE ME TO HIT AN INNOCENT PERSON BEFORE LIKE THAT,  
TAVROS:  sO i DON’T KNOW WHAT TO THINK,

TEREZI:  SH3 W4S TOT4LLY 1NVOLV3D  
TEREZI:  4ND FROM TH3 SOUND OF 1T SO W4S G4MZ33

TAVROS:  wHAT,  
TAVROS:  gAMZEE,  
TAVROS:  bUT, nO,  
TAVROS:  i DON’T THINK HE WOULD DO THAT,

TEREZI:  OF COURS3 H3 WOULD!  
TEREZI:  J3SUS T4VROS HOW M4NY T1M3S DO 1 H4V3 TO T3LL YOU  
TEREZI:  TH3YR3 D3MONS  
TEREZI:  TH3Y F33D ON YOUR R3MORS3  
TEREZI:  4ND L3TS B3 HON3ST YOUR3 4 FOUNT OF R3MORS3 4ND R3GR3T  
TEREZI:  YOUR3 4BOUT TH3 WORST CR1M1N4L 1 H4V3 3V3R M3T 4ND 3V3RY L1TTL3 CR1M3 YOU COMM1T PRODUC3S 4 SMORG4SBORD OF V1C3-R3L4T3D N3G4T1V1TY FOR YOUR D3MONS  
TEREZI:  3V3N B3FOR3 TH3 V1CT1MS 4ND TH31R R3L4T1ONS 3NT3R TH3 3QU4T1ON  
TEREZI:  D3MONS C4NT H3LP BUT M3SS W1TH YOU 4ND G4MZ33S NO 3XC3PT1ON

TAVROS:  tHAT’S, jUST,  
TAVROS:  hARD TO BELIEVE, aS A THING THAT’S TRUE,

TEREZI:  YOULL ST4RT TO B3L13V3 1T 1F YOU KNOW WH4TS GOOD FOR YOU  
TEREZI:  H3LL M4K3 YOU LOS3 YOUR H34D 4T 3X4CTLY TH3 WORST MOM3NT 4ND L34V3 YOU TH1NK1NG 1T W4S COMPL3T3LY YOUR F4ULT  
TEREZI:  4DD VR1SK4S LUCK M3DDL1NG ON TOP OF TH4T 4ND YOUR3 1N FOR 1T  
TEREZI:  SO DONT L3T YOUR GU4RD DOWN 

TAVROS:  bUT,  
TAVROS:  wHAT DO i DO ABOUT IT,  
TAVROS:  i FEEL REALLY TERRIBLE ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED,  
TAVROS:  bUT i DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO TO KEEP IT FROM HAPPENING AGAIN,

TEREZI:  W3LL FOR ST4RT3RS  
TEREZI:  STOP F33L1NG T3RR1BL3!  
TEREZI:  YOUR3 JUST 3NCOUR4G1NG TH3M

TAVROS:  bUT HOW DO i NOT FEEL TERRIBLE ABOUT DOING TERRIBLE THINGS,

TEREZI:  YOU JUST DONT  
TEREZI:  1TS NOT YOUR F4ULT SO YOU C4NT B3 H3LD R3SPONS1BL3  
TEREZI:  TH1NK OF 1T TH1S W4Y  
TEREZI:  TH3 MOR3 YOU F33L T3RR1BL3 TH3 MOR3 T3RR1BL3 TH1NGS W1LL H4PP3N  
TEREZI:  M4K3 1T YOUR MOR4L OBL1G4T1ON TO NOT F33L B4D WH3N YOU DO B4D TH1NGS

TAVROS:  i,,,  
TAVROS:  dON’T KNOW IF i CAN DO THAT,  
TAVROS:  i’M SORRY, iT’S JUST THAT i’VE BEEN FEELING PRETTY MUCH EXCLUSIVELY HORRIBLE LATELY,  
TAVROS:  aBOUT MYSELF, aND MY ABILITY TO NOT BECOME THE WORST VERSION OF MYSELF POSSIBLE,  
TAVROS:  mY SELF ESTEEM, wHICH WAS NEVER VERY HIGH IN THE FIRST PLACE, dUE TO MY DISABILITY AND OTHER FACTORS OF MY SOCIAL STATUS AND THAT SORT OF THING,  
TAVROS:  iT’S NOT VERY GOOD, aND vRISKA DOESN’T HELP IT MUCH,  
TAVROS:  sHE WASN’T BAD AT FIRST, bUT NOW SHE’S GETTING PUSHY AND MAKING ME FEEL GENERALLY INCOMPETENT THAT i DON’T KNOW WHAT i’M DOING, eVEN THOUGH i’M BECOMING A BIG-TIME CRIMINAL,  
TAVROS:  aND THE ACCIDENTS ARE GETTING WORSE,  
TAVROS:  i CAN’T TELL IF WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME IS GOING TO BE LUCKY FOR MY BENEFIT, oR LUCKY FOR HERS,  
TAVROS:  aND THE THINGS THAT ARE LUCKY FOR HER BENEFIT AREN’T LUCKY FOR MINE, uSUALLY,  
TAVROS: sO,  
TAVROS:  i’M GETTING MORE AFRAID OF THE FUTURE, iN A WAY THAT MAKES ME QUESTION ALL OF MY OWN ACTIONS, aND TO FEEL LESS AND LESS CONFIDENT IN MYSELF AND MY ABILITY TO LIKE MYSELF,

TEREZI:  W3LL  
TEREZI:  FUCK  
TEREZI:  YOU R34LLY 4R3 TH3 L4ST P3RSON WHO SHOULDV3 GOTT3N 1NVOLV3D W1TH H3R  
TEREZI:  BUT 1TS PR3TTY OBV1OUS WHY SH3 GR4V1T4T3D TO YOU  
TEREZI:  YOUR3 GO1NG TO H4V3 TO T4K3 CONTROL OF YOUR P4RTN3RSH1P W1TH H3R SOM3HOW  
TEREZI:  4 CONTR4CT 1S SUPPOS3D TO CR34T3 4 MUTU4LLY B3N3F1C14L R3L4T1ONSH1P B3TW33N TH3 D3MON 4ND TH31R HUM4N  
TEREZI:  NOT WH4T3V3R SH1T F3ST YOU H4V3 GO1NG FOR YOU  
TEREZI:  YOU N33D TO PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN 4ND D3M4ND YOU G3T YOUR F41R SH4R3 OF THE B3N3F1TS FROM YOUR R3L4T1ONSH1P

TAVROS:  oKAY, bUT,  
TAVROS:  tHAT’S KIND OF HARD TO DO WITH VRISKA,

TEREZI:  Y34H 1M ST4RT1NG TO S33 TH4T F1RSTH4ND  
TEREZI:  1 M34N 1 DONT H4V3 TH3 S4M3 PROBL3MS W1TH H3R TH4T YOU H4V3  
TEREZI:  BUT YOU DONT H4V3 TH3 S4M3 PROBL3MS W1TH G4MZ33 TH4T 1 H4V3 SO  
TEREZI:  1TS NOT 4 GOOD 1D34 FOR US TO JUMP TO CONCLUS1ONS 4BOUT OUR R3SP3CT1V3 R3L4T1ONSH1PS W1TH OUR PR1M4RY D3MONS  
TEREZI:  1 H4V3 4 F33L1NG TH3YR3 4LW4YS GO1NG TO B3 TH3 H4RD3ST ON US B3C4US3 W3R3 THEYR3 M41N SOURC3 OF SUST1N3NC3  
TEREZI:  SO 1 C4N TRY TO H3LP W1TH VR1SK4 BUT  
TEREZI:  BL3GH

TAVROS:  uH, yEAH,  
TAVROS:  tHAT NOISE SOUND ABOUT LIKE HOW i FEEL AS WELL,

TEREZI:  HOW 4BOUT TH1S  
TEREZI:  TRY SH1FT1NG TH3 K1NDS OF V1C3 YOU DO FOR VR1SK4 TO SOM3TH1NG L3SS D3STRUCT1V3  
TEREZI:  L3SS V1OL3NC3 MOR3 UPS3TT1NG YOUR F4M1LY K1ND OF STUFF  
TEREZI:  YOUR3 L4T1NO R1GHT  
TEREZI:  4R3 YOUR P4R3NTS PR4CT1C1NG C4THOL1CS?

TAVROS:  uH,

TEREZI:  H4V3 YOU CONS1D3R3D 4 L1F3 OF OP3N S3XU4L D3V14NCY

TAVROS:  uH, nO,  
TAVROS:  wHAT, wOULD THAT ENTAIL,

TEREZI:  ANYTH1NG TH4T WOULD M4K3 YOUR3 MOTH3R CRY 3V3RY T1M3 SH3 S4W YOU

TAVROS:  uHHH,,,

TEREZI:  OR YOU COULD G1V3 H4RD DRUGS 4 TRY  
TEREZI:  YOU COULD GO 4ROUND CR4SH1NG P3OPL3S W3DD1NGS 4ND B4R M1TZV4HS  
TEREZI:  OR T4K3 UP G4MBL1NG  
TEREZI:  VR1SK4 1S 4 GR34T D3MON FOR G4MBL1NG

TAVROS:  bUT, aFTER A WHILE, i’M PRETTY SURE SHE WOULD STOP LETTING ME WIN AND FORCE ME INTO DEBT,

TEREZI:  TRU3  
TEREZI:  1F YOU D1D 4 L1TTLE OF 4LL OF THOS3 TH1NGS 1T WOULD PROB4BLY B3 GOOD 3NOUGH

TAVROS:  i DON’T KNOW,  
TAVROS:  i DON’T REALLY WANT TO DISAPPOINT MY PARENTS OR MY BROTHER,  
TAVROS:  tHEY’RE GOOD PEOPLE, aND i LOVE THEM,  
TAVROS:  bUT i ALSO DON’T WANT TO ACCIDENTALLY KILL CHILDREN INAPPROPRIATELY, sO,

TEREZI:  YOULL F1GUR3 1T OUT  
TEREZI:  JUST DONT L3T H3R W4LK ON YOU  
TEREZI:  YOUR3 P4RT OF TH3 CONTR4CT 4ND YOU G3T SOM3 OF 1TS B3N3F1TS  
TEREZI:  WH4T3V3R YOU DO DONT L3T H3R DR4G YOU D33P3R

TAVROS:  yEAH, tHAT,  
TAVROS:  wOULD MAYBE BE AN EASIER THING FOR ME TO DO IF I WERE CLEVER, lIKE THE WAY YOU SEEM TO BE,

TEREZI:  DONT WORRY 4BOUT 1T FOR NOW  
TEREZI:  YOU N33D TO STOP F33L1NG HORR1BL3 4BOUT YOURS3LF SO VR1SK4 DO3SNT M4K3 4 H4B1T OUT OF LUCK1NG YOU 1NTO G3NOC1D3  
TEREZI:  T3XT YOUR BROTH3R 4ND T3LL H1M YOUR3 SP3ND1NG TH3 N1GHT  
TEREZI:  W3LL ROL3 PL4Y SOM3  
TEREZI:  WH4T B3TT3R W4Y TO T4K3 YOUR M1ND OFF YOUR OWN SELF D3PR3C14T1ON TH4N TO PR3T3ND TO B3 SOM3ON3 3LS3!

TAVROS:  oH, yEAH, i CAN TOTALLY AGREE ABOUT THAT,  
TAVROS:  aND THANKS FOR LETTING ME STAY OVER,

TEREZI:  Y34H SUR3  
TEREZI:  BUT YOU H4V3 TO BUY TH3 P1ZZ4  
TEREZI:  >:]

TAVROS:  yESSS, oKAY, i CAN GET BEHIND THIS PLAN,  
TAVROS:  oNE LARGE PIZZA, cOMING RIGHT UP,

TEREZI:  M4K3 1T TWO

TAVROS:  tWO,  
TAVROS:  iSN’T THAT A BIT MUCH,

TEREZI:  NO

TAVROS:  oH,  
TAVROS:  oKAY,  
TAVROS:  tWO PIZZAS, tHEN,

TEREZI:  SP1N4CH 4ND S4RD1N3S

TAVROS:  gROSS,  
TAVROS:  mAYBE JUST SPINACH,  
TAVROS:  i’M A VEGETARIAN,

TEREZI:  GROSS

TAVROS:  wHAT,

TEREZI:  JUST ORD3R TH3 P1ZZ4S

* * *


	6. The Syndic8

VRISKA:  _That's_ the guy who's 8een following you. 8y the way.

* * *

Tavros didn't know where the car was going, but Vriska told him that he would be safe riding along.  Safer than refusing to board, at least.  He had expected Vriska to follow him in, but she stayed outside, waving as the door shut behind him. Tavros watched her disappear as the car pulled away, his heart sinking. The man hadn't told him his name, but he kept his gun trained on Tavros, hidden beneath his folded arms so no one would be able to peek in and see it, even though the car's windows were tinted almost black.  The driver either didn't notice or didn't care.  Outside, the decrepit neighborhoods of northside gave way to cleaner streets and sleeker buildings as they moved into the heart of the city.  Even this late at night, downtown was bright and active with a more colorful crowd of people than the businesspeople that occupied it during the day.  Tavros glanced at the man sitting next to him as the car turned into the parking garage of an extravagant building.  The dim florescent lights flashed above them as they climbed to higher stories.

"Get out," the man said when the car finally came to a stop.  He gestured towards the door of the car with his gun.  "And don't do anythin' stupid that'd make me have to shoot you."

The door opened for Tavros, and he tried to avoid eye contact with the driver as he slid out of the backseat.  The man held his gun at his waist, as indiscreetly as possible, and he nodded towards a door.  "That way," he said.  Tavros nodded and led the way out of the garage.

The man directed him through the lavish condominium to an elevator, which lifted them up to the topmost floor of the condo and opened to a decadent penthouse that overlooked the city.  Several voices betrayed the presence of other people in the apartment.  Tavros felt the gun press against his back.  Trying to keep his breathing regular, he let the man herd him forward into a broad sitting room.

"Finally!  What the hell took you so long?" a young woman said, turning to look at them.

"He's fuckin' hard to find, okay?  I don't know what he's been doin' to make huntin' him down such a colossal pain in the ass, but I had my work cut out for me," the man who led Tavros in responded with a sour note in his voice.

"What's the matter, champ?  I thought you said you could  _handle_ it," another man said.  He wagged his eyebrows at Tavros when he made eye contact with him, which made Tavros inexplicably uncomfortable.  He looked away, and his eyes fell on the last woman, who smoked quietly at the end of the couch.  Her eyes flicked up and down to examine Tavros's physique, and she sent him an arch smirk. _  
_

"Don't fuckin' start with me," snapped the man behind Tavros, and the gun left Tavros's back.  The man stepped around him to mess with a computer on a nearby table, which looked to be connected to a wide-screen television.  "You wouldn't'a done any better, and I don't care how good you think you are at trackin' people down."

"Good at it?  I'm the  _best."_

"Yeah, well, we'll see how good you are with my foot up your ass."

"He's way more scrawny than I thought he'd be," the first woman said, looking Tavros over.  "Why's that always gotta be the case?  You two were the same way."  She lifted her chin at the man on the couch.

"We're not scrawny!" he said with indignation.  "I'll have you know that I'm above average height."

"But you don't look like no gangster," she said.  

"Neither do you!"

"Don't even lie, boy, you knew I could kick your ass the second you laid eyes on me."

"What even _ever_!  Let's get this over with.  Is the thing set up?"

"Yeah, yeah," the man who escorted Tavros said, and he stepped away from the computer.  He turned on the television, and the image of a man appeared, backlit so that his features were darkened.  The lights in the room dimmed.

"Is our connection secure?" the darkened man asked.

"As far as I can fuckin' tell.  We need to hire a tech guy or somethin'.  We're assassins, not Geek Squad wannabes."

"Thank you for your input, Eridan, but that was more or less a rhetorical question to begin our correspondence.  I already knew the connection is secure.  I would not have contacted you if it weren't.  As always, I continue to be an excellent boss."

A collective groan passed through the room.  "Yeah, we know.  Anyway, we got the guy."

"Yes, I know."

"What?  How?"

"I always know.  You should be aware of this by now."

"Is it because you're an excellent boss?"

"Yes, it is.  Where is he?"

The man, Eridan, pushed Tavros roughly in front of the screen.  Tavros looked up at the featureless man, who seemed to emanate poise and power even though his silhouette wasn't particularly noteworthy.

"Tavros Nitram.  Correct?" he said.

"Uh...yes?"

"It's my understanding that you've gathered something of a following recently in the underworld.  Is that correct?"

"I, uh...think that's a thing that's true, but..."

"Of course it is.  Your business has been interrupting ours.  Were you aware?"

"Um...no?"

"I'm not surprised.  Your methods are unorthodox, to put it kindly.  But they are also effective, which I find intriguing.  For this reason, I'm going to extend to you an offer."

"What...kind of offer?"

"Excellent question.  The individuals you've met since your arrival are all generals in my modest empire, and they are each accomplished assassins in their own right.  You may refer to them as 'the Syndicate,' but never call any of them by name except within the presence of each other.  Until I have determined your worth, I am allowing you a trial run to join their ranks.  I will reserve judgment concerning your value to me until you have proven yourself trustworthy and useful.  Do you understand?"

Tavros glanced over his shoulder at the other occupants of the room.  "Do I...have a choice?"

"Not really."

"Oh.  Okay, I guess that's fine, then.  Uh, let's say that, hypothetically, I fail this trial...then...?"

"I'll let you use your imagination.  Await further instructions.  In the meantime, please acquaint yourself with your new family.  I've provided you with refreshments and other recreational activities that I know some of you enjoy.  I am once again an excellent boss."

"Yeah, thanks, you're the best," Eridan said, and he turned off the screen.

"He's gonna get you for that shit one of these days."

"Whatever.  Fuckin' windbag."  He looked at Tavros and nodded at the couch.  "Take a seat, kid.  Better get comfortable.  You're gonna be seeing a lot more of us from now on, and you ain't always gonna like it."

"Uh..." Tavros said, looking over at the couch.  The other man patted the seat next to him with what seemed to be a friendly smile.  "Okay.  Can I...know your names, or is that off-limits?"

"You can, but if you tell anyone else, we're gonna have to kill you."

"Oh, in that case, maybe I don't--"

"That's Eridan," the man on the couch said, nodding to Eridan, "and I'm Cronus.  This is Meenah, and the broad over there is Damara.  Don't let her fool you into thinking she's the quiet, innocent type.  She's full of surprises."

Damara sent Tavros a sly wink, and his face heated up with a blush.  "Oh, uh, okay, if you say so."  He dropped his eyes and shuffled around the table to sit gingerly next to Cronus.  The lines of white powder on the glass surface of the table didn't escape his notice.

As the night wore on, he tried to push down his discomfort.  He did want to stop using violence to feed his demons, right?  Now, he had the opportunity to try something new.  A little part in the back of his brain couldn't help but think, "How...lucky."

* * *

Meanwhile, in another part of the city...

_Guest comic page by[gloomy-optimist](http://gloomy-optimist.tumblr.com/)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [More on the Syndicate](http://mtjester.tumblr.com/post/145785046775/the-syndicate-details-while-each-member-of-the)


	7. Friend D8

TAVROS: hI, uH,  
TAVROS: aRE YOU STILL UP,  
TAVROS: aND ALONE, hOPEFULLY,

TEREZI: NOP3  
TEREZI: 4W4K3 BUT NOT 4LON3

TAVROS: oH, wELL, i GUESS THAT’S FINE, pROBABLY,  
TAVROS: i’M ACTUALLY NOT EITHER, aLONE i MEAN,  
TAVROS: bUT vRISKA’S BUSY PLAYING A GAME ON MY DS, sO IT’S CLOSE ENOUGH,

TEREZI: Y34H G4MZ33S W4TCH1NG SOM3 STUP1D SHOW 4ND B31NG 4N 4SS  
TEREZI: WH4TS UP

TAVROS: uH, wELL,  
TAVROS: i JOINED A GANG,  
TAVROS: a BIG ONE, wITH POWERFUL PEOPLE,

TEREZI: WH4T G4NG

TAVROS: uH, oKAY, iT MAY BE LESS OF A GANG, aND MORE OF A, mAFIA,

TEREZI: YOUR3 K1DD1NG  
TEREZI: GODD4MN 1T T4VROS

TAVROS: uM, yEAH, sO,  
TAVROS: oN A POSITIVE NOTE, vRISKA’S BEEN MUCH HAPPIER,  
TAVROS: bUT ALSO, i, uH, tRIED COCAINE, sO THERE'S THAT,

TEREZI: STOP DO1NG COC41N3!

TAVROS: bUT, dIDN’T YOU TELL ME TO DO THAT,

TEREZI: Y3S  
TEREZI: BUT D1SR3G4RD TH4T 4DV1C3 4ND 3V3RYTH1NG 4SSOC14T3D W1TH TH4T L1N3 OF LOG1C  
TEREZI: 1V3 B33N H3LP1NG OUT MOR3 R3C3NTLY SO YOU DONT H4V3 TO K1LL YOURS3LF OV3R 1T 4NYMOR3

TAVROS: oH, rEALLY,  
TAVROS: bUT, iSN’T THAT BAD SINCE YOU’RE A COP,

TEREZI: Y3S

TAVROS: oH,  
TAVROS: oKAY,  
TAVROS: uH,  
TAVROS: bY THE WAY,  
TAVROS: aND AS THE ACTUAL REASON i’M TEXTING YOU,  
TAVROS: i HAVE SOME FRIENDS, wHO i THINK YOU’D LIKE,  
TAVROS: aND SINCE i’VE BEEN, uH, bUSY, wITH STUFF,  
TAVROS: i HAVEN’T BEEN HANGING OUT WITH THEM MUCH,  
TAVROS: wHICH IS SUSPICIOUS, bUT ALSO SAD FOR ME,  
TAVROS: aND SINCE THE TWO OF US ARE FRIENDS NOW, oR AT LEAST,  
TAVROS: dEMON MISTRESSES,  
TAVROS: i THINK IT’D BE FUN IF YOU MET THEM,  
TAVROS: aND MAYBE WE COULD ALL PLAY GAMES TOGETHER,

TEREZI: HMM  
TEREZI: HMMMM  
TEREZI: DO YOU R34LLY TH1NK W3 SHOULD M1X OUR SOC14L GROUPS L1K3 TH4T

TAVROS: uH,  
TAVROS: yES,

TEREZI: OK SUR3  
TEREZI: C4N 1 BR1NG SOM3 FR13NDS TOO

TAVROS: yESSSS,  
TAVROS: wE CAN HAVE A FRIEND PARTY,

TEREZI: N1C3 >:]  
TEREZI: TH3YR3 COPS TOO SO DONT DO 4NYTH1NG CR1M1NAL

TAVROS: oH,  
TAVROS: uH,

TEREZI: 4LSO 1F YOUV3 JO1N3D TH3 P4RT1CUL4R M4F14 1 TH1NK YOUR3 T4LK1NG 4BOUT  
TEREZI: 4ND S331NG HOW 1TS TH3 ONLY ON3 YOU COULD POSS1BLY B3 T4LK1NG 4BOUT 1N TH1S 4R34  
TEREZI: DONT M3NT1ON TH3 4MPOR4S  
TEREZI: MY COWORK3R 1S OBS3SS3D W1TH TH3M

TAVROS: uHHHH,  
TAVROS: mAYBE,  
TAVROS: wE SHOULD THINK ABOUT THIS A BIT MORE BEFORE IT HAPPENS,

TEREZI: SO N3XT W33K

TAVROS: oH, yEAH, tHAT SHOULD WORK,

TEREZI: 3XC3LL3NT 1TS 4 FR13ND D4T3  
TEREZI: >:]

TAVROS: }:D

* * *

_Guest illustration by[gloomy-optimist](http://gloomy-optimist.tumblr.com/)_


	8. Nightmares

Tavros came home after a long stakeout with the Syndicate, which for some reason had been too important to delegate the hordes of gangsters working below them, feeling exhausted and disheartened. His lack of any kind of specialized skill set in mercenary work put him miles behind his new "family members" in ways he couldn't hide or fake if he tried, and the number of unrelated reasons for him to feel uncomfortable in their presence was growing the more they got used to him. They seemed willing to teach him, at least. He pushed down his insecurities and entered his dark apartment with a sigh. Rufioh was either asleep or away, and when he checked, Vriska wasn't in his room. The air was hot and stagnant. Looking for relief, he crossed the room and opened the window, letting in a disappointingly light breeze.

"Hey, bro, welcome home," a voice said behind him, and he jumped. Gamzee materialized out of the shadows.

"Oh, hi, Gamzee. I didn't know you were here."

"I wasn't until I got my notice on about you coming back." He offered Tavros a small smile. "I was all thinking, since your night got to being so motherfuckin' long and rough on you, you'd...want to get your comfort on with some friendly motherfuckin' company?"

He lifted his left arm a bit, and the glow of his sign cast dim light around the room. Tavros looked down at it and released a small sigh. "Uh, yeah, I guess...I have been busy lately, with this sort of thing. Is it...at least nice, for you?"

"Yeah, bro. I wouldn't waste nothing what you been sacrificing for my motherfuckin' sake. But I been noticin', you been all lightin' me the motherfuck up a little too often lately. If it gets to be too motherfuckin' much, like what maybe it has been, you should probably just motherfuckin' shouldn't."

He looked at Tavros with concern, and Tavros drew his hand through his hair. "Um, I've maybe been doing more lately than before, but it makes Vriska happy, so I guess that makes it worth it. At least she's not bothering me about it or making me to accidentally murder children," he said. His exhaustion was sucking the energy out of him. He didn't want to think about it or deal with it. 

"If...you're sure, bro," Gamzee said, floating across the room. "You do what you feel is right up in your heart. But if that's not where your heart's up at, then don't motherfuckin' do it no more. Got it?"

"Thanks, Gamzee," Tavros said with a weak smile. A slow pulse was beginning to form in his brain. He rubbed his temple and said, "Uh, but, for now, I think I have to just...go to bed. Sorry. We can hang out a little later, okay?"

Disappointment ghosted across Gamzee's face, but he covered it up quickly with a sympathetic nod. "Sure, bro. Get your rest on."

Tavros stripped off his shirt and pants on the way to his mattress and slumped onto it without taking a shower. He tried to ignore the heat and his expanding headache, instead giving into his exhaustion. Within minutes, he was asleep.

* * *

VRISKA: I wouldn’t throw something at him that he can’t handle. 

TEREZI: 4R3 YOU SUR3 4BOUT TH4T 

VRISKA: Yes! Just 8ecause he doesn’t have faith in himself doesn’t mean I don’t.  
VRISKA: He’ll 8e fine. Trust me. 

TEREZI: WH4T3V3R 

VRISKA: Come on. Don’t tell me you’re 8uying into all his whining?  
VRISKA: He’s always whining and 8itching and moaning.  
VRISKA: He does half of it to himself, you know. I’m just around to facilit8 things!  
VRISKA: It’s not my fault he’s an idiot. 

TEREZI: YOUR3 SUPPOS3D TO H3LP H1M W1TH YOUR POW3RS NOT C4US3 MOR3 PROBL3MS  
TEREZI: TH4TS WH4T D3MONS 4R3 FOR 

VRISKA: Uh-huh, just like I’m sure Gamzee helps you out all the time.  
VRISKA: He must 8e a great help. The 8est.  
VRISKA: I’ll 8et you never had any trouble with him at all! 

TEREZI: … 

VRISKA: See, this is why we should swap contracts.  
VRISKA: I like you 8etter than he does, and he likes Tavros 8etter than he likes you. 

TEREZI: NO H3 DO3SNT 

VRISKA: Oh my god, Terezi. Yes, he does!  
VRISKA: It’s so o8vious. I don’t know why you get so defensive about it.  
VRISKA: Just 8ecause you have horrible tastes doesn’t mean he does. 

TEREZI: WH4TS TH4T SUPPOS3D TO M34N? 

VRISKA: Nothing! I’m just saying.  
VRISKA: Look, the 8ottom line is we’re a 8etter match, and so are they.  
VRISKA: He doesn’t treat you with the respect you deserve. You’re clever, cunning, talented, and actually pretty cool!  
VRISKA: You deserve a demon who appreci8s all those traits for what they are.  
VRISKA: And Gamzee deserves an idiot he can gush over like a lovesick puppy, slowly to 8ecome the colossal loafer he was always destined to 8e. 

TEREZI: 1 DOUBT 1T  
TEREZI: 3V3N 1F W3 SW1TCH CONTR4CTS YOULL PROB4BLY ST1LL T3RROR1Z3 T4VROS 3V3RY N1GHT 4ND G4MZ33 W1LL ST1LL COM3 BY TO FUCK 4ROUND W1TH M3 

VRISKA: So still no, huh?  
VRISKA: You know, for someone who h8s Gamzee as much as you do, you sure are attached. It’s pretty toxic. 

TEREZI: 1’M TH1NK1NG 4BOUT 1T!  
TEREZI: 1 KNOW B3TT3R BY NOW TH4N TO M4K3 QU1CK D3C1S1ONS W1TH D3MONS  
TEREZI: B3S1D3S SW1TCH1NG PR1M4RY CONTR4CTS 1S 4G41NST TH3 RUL3S 

VRISKA: Ugh, who cares? The rules are stupid.  
VRISKA: You don’t even know who made those rules or why they made them in the first place! 

TEREZI: HMM  
TEREZI: YOUR3 R1GHT  
TEREZI: C4R3 TO 1NFORM M3 

VRISKA: Not really!  
VRISKA: It’s all 8oring. Heaven and Hell politics. Insofar as Heaven and Hell are actually real "places" with actual “politics.”  
VRISKA: The whole concept of otherworldly planes is pretty much a 8unch of 8ullshit to make supernatural affairs intelligi8le to humans.  
VRISKA: No offense, 8ut humans are 8asically incapa8le of understanding non-human affairs.

TEREZI: TH4TS PROB4BLY F41R  
TEREZI: 1T SOUNDS 1NT3R3ST1NG 3NOUGH TO M3 

VRISKA: Only 8ecause you haven’t had to deal with all of it since the dawn of humanity! 

TEREZI: WOW YOUR3 OLD 

VRISKA: Shut up.  
VRISKA: If you really want to know, I gueeeeeeeeess I can fill you in.  
VRISKA: At least on the small stuff.  
VRISKA: 8asically, the head of "Heaven" and the head of "Hell" came up with a truce way 8ack in the day to split the sovereignty of Earth.  
VRISKA: Demons draw souls down into Hell and angels 8ring them up to Heaven, preferably in equal amounts for 8oth. Simple stuff.  
VRISKA: 8ut o8viously there are some logistics involved. It follows that the more good exists in the world, the more good will follow, and the same is true a8out evil.  
VRISKA: 8ad deeds 8ring 8ad 8lood, which 8reeds more 8ad deeds, and so on forever. And the same with good deeds.  
VRISKA: So 8ecause of the truce, we have contracts, which limit our influence to give the good guys a fighting change. Same thing is true for angels. It’s all 8usiness as usual.  
VRISKA: Humans like to imagine that demons and angels are these eternal enemies, 8ut really we're just out to do our jo8s and sustain our existences. Our bosses h8 each other, 8ut we're pretty indifferent most of the time.

TEREZI: WOW  
TEREZI: SO 1N TH4T CONT3XT 1T SOUNDS L1K3 S1GN1NG 4 CONTR4CT W1TH TWO HUM4NS 1S R34LLY 4G41NST TH3 RUL3S  
TEREZI: TW1C3 TH3 HUM4NS TW1C3 TH3 3V1L 1NFLU3NC3

VRISKA: Yeah, may8e a little 8it.  
VRISKA: 8ut who cares???????? I h8 the rules.  
VRISKA: I’ve got irons in the fire, souls to gather, and power to a8sor8. I don’t give a rat’s ass a8out the 8ullshit ceasefire of two estranged si8lings, regardless of their infinite cosmic power.  
VRISKA: Really, if the rules weren’t meant to 8e 8roken, they wouldn’t have given us the power to 8reak them! 

TEREZI: L1K3 TH4T LOG1C 1SNT FL4W3D 1N 4NY W4Y 

VRISKA: Don’t get 8ent out of shape a8out it. You’ve done some pretty questionable things to get where you are, so don’t even pretend to think rules matter.  
VRISKA: You didn’t attract a demon for 8eing a good person, you know. 

TEREZI: 1F YOU H4V3 TO B3 4 B4D P3RSON TO 4TTR4CT 4 D3MON T4VROS WOULDNT B3 1N TH3 S1TU4T1ON H3S 1N 

VRISKA: Okay, that’s a little true.  
VRISKA: Demons are attracted to the wicked and the gulli8le. And since you’re not gulli8le, you o8viously attracted Gamzee 8y 8eing wicked.  
VRISKA: My point still stands. 

TEREZI: 1T DO3SNT M4TT3R  
TEREZI: 1M ST4RT1NG TO TH1NK TH3S3 RUL3S 4R3 MOR3 1MPORT4NT TH4N 1 G4V3 TH3M CR3D1T FOR 

VRISKA: Whaaaaaaaat?  
VRISKA: Come on, they’re lame!  
VRISKA: And switching contracts doesn’t really affect anything, if you think a8out it.  
VRISKA: We’d 8e in the same position we’re in now, 8ut with different primary contracts that fit us a little 8etter. 

TEREZI: 1 KNOW  
TEREZI: 1 ST1LL H4V3 TO TH1NK 4BOUT 1T  
TEREZI: JUST 1N C4S3 YOUR3 TRY1NG TO SCR3W US OV3R  
TEREZI: 3SP3C14LLY S1NC3 1 KNOW HOW FL1PP4NT YOU 4R3 W1TH T4VROS

VRISKA: Well, whatever. I have more time than you do anyway, so I can 8e patient.  
VRISKA: 8y the way, I’m spending the night at your place once you’re done with work. 

TEREZI: 1S T4VROS GO1NG TO B3 OUT 4LL N1GHT 4G41N? 

VRISKA: Who cares? He and Gamzee can have a stupid dork sleepover if he gets done with his 8usiness early. 

TEREZI: WH4T BUS1N3SS 

VRISKA: Don’t worry a8out it! Mind your own 8usiness. I’m going to fall asleep if you take much longer on all this paperwork. 

TEREZI: …  
TEREZI: F1N3

* * *

TAVROS: uH, yEAH,  
TAVROS: i JUST HAD A NIGHTMARE,

GAMZEE: A NIGHTMARE?  
GAMZEE: you been getting your nightmares on too motherfucking often lately.

TAVROS: oH, uH,  
TAVROS: yOU NOTICED,

GAMZEE: YEAH.  
GAMZEE: that nightmare fuel be all kinds of motherfucking nutritious for what we are.  
GAMZEE: BUT I GOTTA MOTHERFUCKING ASK  
GAMZEE: what the motherfuck is up in your brain space to be about poisoning all your motherfucking sleep.

TAVROS: uH,  
TAVROS: sHIT, oKAY,  
TAVROS: pROMISE YOU WON’T TELL TEREZI,

GAMZEE: WHAT’S THAT BITCH GOT TO BE DOING WITH THIS SHIT.

TAVROS: nOTHING, iT’S JUST,  
TAVROS: i DON’T WANT HER TO WORRY ABOUT IT,  
TAVROS: i ALREADY FEEL REALLY BAD, tHAT SHE HAS TO DO BAD THINGS AS A COP,  
TAVROS: wHEN HER CAREER CHOICE, aS A COP, mAKES IT LIKELY THAT SHE DOESN’T WANT TO DO BAD THINGS,  
TAVROS: sO, iF I CAN NOT BOTHER HER WITH THE BAD THINGS i DO, oR THAT AFFECT ME,  
TAVROS: i THINK THAT’S PROBABLY THE BEST,

GAMZEE: you don’t gotta be getting your worry on about that, bro.  
GAMZEE: SHE’S GOT MORE MALICE ALL UP IN HER WICKED MOTHERFUCKING HEART THAN WHAT YOU’LL EVER HAVE.

TAVROS: nO, i DON’T KNOW, bUT i DON’T THINK THAT’S TRUE,  
TAVROS: i’M A REALLY WICKED PERSON NOW,

GAMZEE: no, bro.  
GAMZEE: YOU’RE A MOTHERFUCKING MIRACLE.  
GAMZEE: she ain’t got shit on you.

TAVROS: iRREGARDLESS,  
TAVROS: i JUST,  
TAVROS: i FEEL BAD, bECAUSE SHE,  
TAVROS: uH,  
TAVROS: wELL, sO, i TOLD HER THAT i TRIED COCAINE,  
TAVROS: jUST TO HEAR HER INPUT, aND TO MAYBE SEEK SOME COVERT EMOTIONAL REASSURANCE,  
TAVROS: bUT i DIDN’T SAY MUCH DETAIL, oN THAT MATTER, sINCE SHE TECHNICALLY WAS THE ONE TO TELL ME TO TRY DRUGS,  
TAVROS: aS A REASONABLE SUBSTITUTE FOR MURDER,  
TAVROS: wHICH, oKAY, i STILL THINK MAKES SENSE,  
TAVROS: tHE POINT IS, i DON’T WANT TO MAKE HER FEEL RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT’S HAPPENING TO ME,  
TAVROS: bUT, uH, NOW,  
TAVROS: i’M, rEALLY STRUGGLING,  
TAVROS: a LOT,  
TAVROS: mEENAH SAYS THAT THE NIGHTMARES ARE PART OF THE WITHDRAWAL,  
TAVROS: aND THERE ARE OTHER PARTS, tOO, tHAT ARE MAKING EVERYTHING HARD,  
TAVROS: iT’S REALLY ADDICTING, lIKE,  
TAVROS: rEALLY HORRIBLY ADDICTING,  
TAVROS: aND i DON’T WANT IT TO GET WORSE, bY CONTINUING TO ENGAGE IN DRUG USE,  
TAVROS: oR FOR IT TO GET SO BAD THAT MY BROTHER STARTS TO SUSPECT THINGS,  
TAVROS: wHICH, i DON’T KNOW, hE MIGHT ALREADY,  
TAVROS: aND SO, i’M TRYING REALLY HARD TO BE STRONG, aND DETERMINED TO RECOVER,  
TAVROS: bUT i DON’T REALLY KNOW IF, gIVEN EVERYTHING ABOUT ME,  
TAVROS: iF I CAN ACTUALLY DO IT, bY MYSELF, aNYMORE,  
TAVROS: i THINK i’M GOING TO HAVE TO MOVE OUT, sO i DON’T MAKE MY BROTHER SUSPICIOUS,  
TAVROS: bUT i DON’T KNOW WHERE TO GO,  
TAVROS: mEENAH WON’T LET ANY OF US COME TO HER HOUSE,  
TAVROS: i DON’T UNDERSTAND dAMARA AT ALL,  
TAVROS: aND, i HAVE REASONS FOR NOT WANTING TO STAY WITH THE aMPORAS,  
TAVROS: bUT,  
TAVROS: i DON’T WANT TO BURDEN tEREZI EITHER, oR MAKE MY FRIENDS DISAPPOINTED WITH MY HABITS,  
TAVROS: sO, mAYBE, i’LL HAVE TO ASK eRIDAN FOR HELP,  
TAVROS: i DON’T KNOW,  
TAVROS: sORRY, fOR UNLOADING MY PROBLEMS ON YOU,

GAMZEE: NO, BRO.  
GAMZEE: you unload all your motherfucking problems on me.  
GAMZEE: I MIGHT CAN’T BE ABOUT FIXING THEM  
GAMZEE: but i’ll be whatever motherfuckin supportive you’re in motherfuckin need of.

TAVROS: tHANKS,  
TAVROS: tHAT’S REALLY NICE OF YOU,  
TAVROS: yOU’RE REALLY NICE, eVEN THOUGH, tECHNICALLY, nOT BEING NICE IS BENEFICIAL TO YOU,  
TAVROS: i REALLY, rEALLY APPRECIATE IT,

GAMZEE: …  
GAMZEE: BRO.

TAVROS: uH, yEAH?

GAMZEE: there is a motherfucking thing i might be capable to be getting my magic motherfucking miracles on about.  
GAMZEE: IF THE LUCKBITCH WHAT’S YOUR PRIMARY FOUND OUT  
GAMZEE: she’d get all motherfucking salty with me  
GAMZEE: BUT  
GAMZEE: i might be about doing it any motherfucking way.

TAVROS: wHAT, dO YOU MEAN,

GAMZEE: I’LL CLEAN YOU, BRO.  
GAMZEE: i’ll get all that toxic motherfucking dust the motherfuck out of your system  
GAMZEE: PUT YOUR MOTHERFUCKING MIND BACK ALL LIKE HOW IT SHOULD BE  
GAMZEE: and fix you right the fuck up.

TAVROS: yOU,  
TAVROS: cAN DO THAT,

GAMZEE: HELL YEAH, MY BROTHER.  
GAMZEE: i’m a motherfucking demon.  
GAMZEE: BUT DON’T BE TELLING ANYONE THIS HAPPENED  
GAMZEE: or a motherfucker’s gonna have hell to pay for it.

TAVROS: yES, oKAY,  
TAVROS: i CAN AGREE TO THOSE CONDITIONS,  
TAVROS: aND, aLSO,  
TAVROS: tHANK YOU, a LOT,

GAMZEE: NO MOTHERFUCKING PROBLEM.  
GAMZEE: for you, bro  
GAMZEE: IT’S WORTH IT.


	9. Supernatural Law

TEREZI: W41T WH4T

ARADIA: tavross demon  
ARADIA: shes kind of a bitch

TEREZI: UH  
TEREZI: YOU UM  
TEREZI: YOU C4N S33

ARADIA: its a special gift of mine  
ARADIA: something ive been able to do since i was small  
ARADIA: i wasnt going to say anything but  
ARADIA: i think you two are in a little over your heads!

TEREZI: SO  
TEREZI: TH1S WHOL3 T1M3  
TEREZI: YOU

ARADIA: yes!  
ARADIA: ive been keeping an eye on tavros since his demon showed up but he seemed happy to get out of that wheelchair so i let it be  
ARADIA: but whatever has been happening since he met you is just really unusual and a little disconcerting  
ARADIA: so ive been waiting for the chance to talk to him in private in order to recommend some services you both might find useful  
ARADIA: but tavros is out most of the time being mysterious and we don't see him much anymore  
ARADIA: so i guess i'll just recommend them to you instead!

TEREZI: ...S3RV1C3S?

ARADIA: yes  
ARADIA: heres a card

TEREZI: SUP3RN4TUR4L L4W?

ARADIA: give them a visit  
ARADIA: i think you might need it  
ARADIA: besides you might find it interesting  
ARADIA: you like legal things right?

TEREZI: WH4T  
TEREZI: 1 M34N  
TEREZI: …  
TEREZI: Y34H OK4Y 1 C4N PROB4BLY 4CC3PT TH1S STR4NG3 4ND 4L4RM1NG TURN OF 3V3NTS

ARADIA: thats the spirit!

 

 


	10. O Fortuna: Reprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't read [O Fortuna](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4547196/chapters/10350633), it might be helpful to glance at it before reading this chapter.

TAVROS: aND, tHIS IS SUPPOSEDLY THE PLACE THAT PROVIDES THE MYSTERIOUS SUPERNATURAL SERVICES, tHAT ARADIA TOLD YOU ABOUT IN CONFIDENCE? 

TEREZI: SUPPOS3DLY Y34H 

TAVROS: bUT THE NATURE OF THESE SERVICES, wHICH ARE PURPORTEDLY RELEVANT TO US, aRE STILL UNKNOWN,,,? 

TEREZI: TH3 C4RD S4YS SUP3RN4TUR4L L4W 4ND TH4TS 4LL 1 KNOW  
TEREZI: BUT 1 C4N GU3SS WHY 4R4D14 M1GHT TH1NK W3 N33D 4 SUP3RN4TUR4L L4WY3R 

TAVROS: wAIT, iS IT THE LAWYER THAT HAS THE SUPERNATURAL ATTRIBUTES, aS A MAGIC BEING OF SORTS, oR IS IT THEIR OFFICES THAT POSSESSES THOSE QUALITIES?  
TAVROS: oR IS SUPERNATURAL A DESCRIPTION OF THEIR PRACTICE,,,? 

TEREZI: L3TS S33...  
TEREZI: Y34H 1 H4V3 NO 1D34 

TAVROS: uH, oKAY,  
TAVROS: cAN i JUST MENTION ABOUT HOW WEIRD IT IS,  
TAVROS: tHAT DESPITE ALL THE TIME i’VE KNOWN aRADIA, aS BOTH A GOOD FRIEND AND NEIGHBOR,  
TAVROS: tHAT SHE WOULD JUST NOW SAY TO YOU, wHO IS A PERSON OF MORE RECENT RELEVANCE IN HER LIFE, aBOUT HER SIXTH SENSE,  
TAVROS: i’M STILL A LITTLE SHOCKED, aND SECRETLY MORTIFIED, tHAT SHE KNEW THIS WHOLE TIME THAT i HAD A DEMON,  
TAVROS: aND ALSO, uNCERTAIN ABOUT THAT FACT THAT SHE KNOWS OF THIS ESTABLISHMENT, wELL ENOUGH TO EVEN CARRY THEIR CARD FOR THE PURPOSES OF RECOMMENDING THEIR SERVICES,  
TAVROS: iS THAT,  
TAVROS: aN UNREASONABLE WAY FOR ME TO FEEL ABOUT THIS SITUATION, 

TEREZI: NO 1 TH1NK TH4TS R34SON4BL3  
TEREZI: 4ND 1 4GR33  
TEREZI: BUT 1 DOUBT SH3 WOULD S3ND US TO SOM3 SH1TTY SC4M D3N 3V3N ON 4CC1D3NT SO W3 C4N PROB4BLY 4SSUM3 TH3R3S SOM3TH1NG L3G1T1M4T3 TO TH1S PL4C3 

TAVROS: yES, oKAY,  
TAVROS: i TRUST YOUR JUDGMENT ON THE MATTER, aS SOMEONE WHO IS MORE CLEVER THAN i AM, aND WHO HAS A PASSIONATE INTEREST IN JUDICIAL AFFAIRS, 

TEREZI: UH W3LL  
TEREZI: TH1S M1GHT B3 OUT OF MY 4R34 OF 3XP3RT1S3  
TEREZI: JUST L3T M3 DO TH3 T4LK1NG  
TEREZI: 4ND DONT S1GN 4NYTH1NG W1THOUT R34D1NG 1T F1RST! 

TAVROS: oH, oF COURSE, i’VE LEARNED MY LESSON CONCERNING THAT MISTAKE 

TEREZI: SUR3 YOU H4V3 

TEREZI: 1S TH1S M4RY4M 4ND 4SSOC14T3S 

KANAYA: ...Yes 

TEREZI: 4ND YOUR3 L4WY3RS 

KANAYA: Yes That Is Correct  
KANAYA: Mostly 

TEREZI: MOSTLY 

KANAYA: Yes Mostly 

TEREZI: BY MOSTLY DO YOU M34N TO R3F3R TO  
TEREZI: NOT TYP1C4L K1NDS OF L4W  
TEREZI: OF THE NONHUM4N P3RSU4S1ON 

KANAYA: Yes  
KANAYA: Also To The Fact That No One Here Has Actually Passed The Bar Exam  
KANAYA: But That Detail Is Related To The One You Mentioned So Its Close Enough 

TEREZI: SO TH1S R34LLY 1S 4 PR4CT1C3 FOR SUP3RN4TUR4L L4W 

KANAYA: Yes That Was Implied In My Answer To Your Last Question 

TEREZI: SO 1S SUP3RN4TUR4L L4W SUPPOS3D TO R3F3R TO TH3 L4WY3R TH3 F1RM OR TH3 TYP3 OF PR4CT1C3 

KANAYA: Uh  
KANAYA: All Of Them More Or Less 

TEREZI: SO YOUR3 4 SUP3RN4TUR4L B31NG 

KANAYA: No Im A Human  


TEREZI: BUT TH3R3 4R3 SUP3RN4TUR4L B31NGS H3R3 

KANAYA: That  
KANAYA: Would Be A Reasonable Deduction Based On My Previous Statements 

TEREZI: C4N TH3Y SHOW TH3MS3LV3S B3FOR3 W3 CONDUCT 4NY FURTH3R BUS1N3SS 

KANAYA: Are We Conducting Business  
KANAYA: Im Sorry But Your Visit Is Unexpected 

TEREZI: SHOULD W3 H4V3 C4LL3D F1RST 

KANAYA: No Not Necessarily  
KANAYA: Although It Would Have Been Appreciated  
KANAYA: Its Just That  
KANAYA: We Usually Expect Our Clients  
KANAYA: Because Of Magic 

TEREZI: SUP3RN4TUR4L M4G1C YOU M34N 

KANAYA: Yes That Tends To Be What Magic Is 

TEREZI: SHOULD W3 L34V3 4ND COM3 B4CK 4FT3R W3V3 C4LL3D 

KANAYA: No I Dont Think So  
KANAYA: Give Us A Moment 

TAVROS: wHO, iS SHE TALKING TO,

TEREZI: D3F1N1T3LY D3MONS

KANAYA: Okay Please Make Yourselves Comfortable  
KANAYA: My Name Is Kanaya Maryam And These Are My Associates John Egbert And Jade Harley  
KANAYA: We Will Be Screening Your Case Before We Decide To Take It  
KANAYA: Consider This A Consultation 

TEREZI: W3 4S 1N TH3 SUP3RN4TUR4L B31NGS TH4T 4R3 H3R3 SOM3WH3R3 L1ST3N1NG 1N ON TH1S CONV3RS4T1ON 

KANAYA: Are You Really That Concerned About Them 

TEREZI: W3 H4V3 R34SONS TO D1STRUST D3MONS 

JADE: what if theyre not demons though? 

JOHN: yeah, you sure are making a lot of presumptions straight off the bat! 

TEREZI: 1F 1M WRONG SHOW M3 

KANAYA: We Will First Screen Your Case  
KANAYA: If We Feel It Meets Our Criteria We Will Proceed To The Next Step In The Process 

TEREZI: BY WH1CH YOU M34N M33T YOUR D3MONS 

TAVROS: uH, tEREZI, i THINK YOUR CONCERN IS VALID, bUT MAYBE WE SHOULD COOPERATE, 

TEREZI: F1N3  
TEREZI: W3 H4V3 D3MON PROBL3MS 4ND W3 W4NT TO KNOW OUR OPT1ONS  


KANAYA: Could You Each Describe The Specific Issues You Are Having With Your Respective Demons 

TEREZI: TH4TS ON3 OF TH3 PROBL3MS  
TEREZI: W3 SH4R3 D3MONS 

KANAYA: You Share Demons 

TEREZI: Y3S 

KANAYA: As In A Double Contract 

TEREZI: Y3S 3X4CTLY 

KANAYA: Thats Very Much Against The Rules 

TEREZI: Y3S W3 KNOW  
TEREZI: BUT W3 D1D 1T 4NYW4Y B3C4US3 W3 H4T3 OURS3LV3S 4ND W4NT TO SUFF3R 

TAVROS: i DON’T REMEMBER IT HAPPENING THAT WAY, 

TEREZI: TH4T DO3SNT M34N 1TS NOT TRU3 

JOHN: so you actually willingly signed contracts with two different demons? 

TEREZI: W1LL1NGLY M1GHT NOT B3 TH3 B3ST WORD 

TAVROS: sORRY, iT WAS MY FAULT,  
TAVROS: i DIDN’T KNOW WE COULD READ THE CONTRACTS, sO i JUST SORT OF, tOOK THEIR WORD FOR IT, 

JOHN: wow, that was pretty dumb of you! 

TEREZI: Y34H W3LL UNL1K3 H1M 1 4CTU4LLY D1D KNOW WH4T 1 W4S G3TT1NG 1NTO WH3N 1 S1GN3D TH3 S3COND CONTR4CT  
TEREZI: SO W3 BOTH M4D3 SOM3 PR3TTY SH1TTY D3C1S1ONS 

JADE: but at least you both share right?  
JADE: thats better than one person with two demons! 

TEREZI: M4RG1N4LLY  
TEREZI: OUR D3MONS DONT COOP3R4T3 W3LL 4ND W3V3 B33N H4V1NG  
TEREZI: CONFL1CTS OF 1NT3R3ST 

KANAYA: Could You Elaborate 

TEREZI: OH BOY  
TEREZI: B3FOR3 W3 GO 4NY FURTH3R 1 N33D TO B3 4BSOLUT3LY SUR3 OF YOUR COMM1TM3NT TO CONF1D3NT14L1TY  
TEREZI: PR3F3R4BLY W1TH DOCUM3NT4T1ON 

TAVROS: oH, yEAH, gOOD CALL, 

KANAYA: Given That We Offer Services That Are Not Recognized As Legitimate By The National Government You Can Be Assured We Wont Be Telling Anyone Of Your Case 

TEREZI: 1TS NOT TH3 C4S3 1M CONC3RN3D 4BOUT  
TEREZI: W3 N33D 4SSUR4NC3 TH4T NON3 OF YOU 4R3 GO1NG TO S4Y 4 WORD 4BOUT US TO 4NYON3 3V3R 

JOHN: you’re pretty demanding, aren’t you? 

TEREZI: 1 KNOW MY R1GHTS 4ND MY S3CR3TS 

KANAYA: Yes Okay  
KANAYA: Here Is Our Commitment To Confidentiality  
KANAYA: Its Part Of The Paperwork Youll Need To Fill Out When You Agree To Work With Us  
KANAYA: You May Read All Of It Before You Agree To The Terms And Conditions Of Our Service 

JOHN: wait, but we haven’t decided to take the case yet!  
JOHN: ...  
JOHN: well, i guess there is that. 

TAVROS: wHO, aRE YOU TALKING TO, 

JOHN: it’s none of your business!  
JOHN: yet. 

TAVROS: tEREZI, i THINK HE’S TALKING TO THE SECRET DEMON, 

TEREZI: T4VROS 1M TRY1NG TO R34D H3R3 

KANAYA: What John Means To Say Is That Your Double Contract Is Enough Grounds To Take Up Your Case  
KANAYA: We Would Like To Hear More Before Signing But You Can At Least Review The Paperwork Before We Continue 

TAVROS: iS THAT WHAT YOUR SECRET DEMON SAID TO YOU, iN SECRET, 

JOHN: looks like you’ll just never know. 

JADE: actually it was kanayas demon who said it! 

JOHN: jade! we haven’t gotten to that part yet! 

JADE: i know, but im pretty sure theyve already figured it out 

JOHN: all the more reason not to give anything else away! 

TEREZI: OK4Y TH1S SOUNDS F1N3 TO M3 SO F4R  
TEREZI: BUT N31TH3R OF US 4GR33 TO S1GN UNT1L W3 KNOW TH3 N4TUR3 OF YOUR SUP3RN4TUR4L P4RTN3RS  
TEREZI: 1 W4NT TO 3V4LU4T3 TH3M F1RST 

TAVROS: aPPARENTLY THERE’S AT LEAST ONE DEMON INVOLVED, aND PROBABLY MORE IMPLIED, 

KANAYA: One Moment Please 

TAVROS: iS, sHE TALKING TO THE DEMON, 

JOHN: wouldn’t you like to know? 

TEREZI: HOW 4R3 W3 SUPPOS3D TO TRUST YOU 1F YOUR3 SCH3M1NG W1TH D3MONS B3H1ND OUR B4CKS 

JOHN: we’re not.  
JOHN: we’re scheming with them right in front of you. 

JADE: what he means is that we cant do what we do without supernatural help!  
JADE: so whether you like it or not, we cant work with demons without asking other demons for magical support  
JADE: or angels 

TAVROS: oH, ANGELS,  
TAVROS: aRE ONE OF THOSE INVOLVED, 

JADE: its a secret! ;P 

TAVROS: oH,  
TAVROS: iN THAT CASE, tHAT SORT OF SECRET SOUNDS NOT TOO BAD, 

KANAYA: Okay  
KANAYA: Our Supernatural Associates Have Agreed To Join Us In This Consultation  
KANAYA: Here Are Their Signs 

KANAYA: This Is Rose Karkat And Dave  
KANAYA: They Are Our Supernatural Specialists 

DAVE: sup 

KARKAT: ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?  
KARKAT: DO YOU FEEL BETTER LOOKING US IN THE FACE?  
KARKAT: DO YOU WANT US TO DO A FEW TURNS SO YOU CAN *EVALUATE* US? 

TEREZI: SUR3 GO 4H34D 

KARKAT: NO FUCK YOU 

ROSE: Karkat, please don’t swear at our clients.  
ROSE: Like I’ve said how many hundreds of times before. 

DAVE: youll probably have to say it another hundred times more  
DAVE: isnt there a curse or something you can use to bind his mouth 

KARKAT: DEMONS CAN’T USE MAGIC TO INTERFERE WITH OTHER DEMONS, ASSHOLE.  
KARKAT: IT’S AGAINST THE RULES. 

DAVE: yeah i know but you have to admit that it would be pretty funny 

TEREZI: H3H3H3  
TEREZI: TH3S3 CLOWNS 4R3 S3R1OUSLY YOUR D3MONS 

JADE: daves an angel actually! 

TAVROS: wOW, i’VE NEVER SEEN AN ACTUAL ANGEL BEFORE, 

DAVE: its pretty rad right  
DAVE: you dont have to hold back your admiration 

TAVROS: oH, tHANK YOU,  
TAVROS: iN THAT CASE, i’M IMPRESSED BY THE WAY YOU GLOW, iN A MANNER THAT IS NOTABLY ANGELIC, 

DAVE: nice thanks bro 

KANAYA: Perhaps We Should Get Down To Business 

ROSE: I agree.  
ROSE: You’ve read our commitment to confidentiality and you’ve forced us into the open.  
ROSE: We’ve agreed that the existence of your double contract alone is enough to convince us to take up your case. However, before we do officially commit, I would like to hear more about your demons.  
ROSE: Specifically, the powers they lend to you. 

TEREZI: 1 GU3SS TH4T WOULD B3 R3L3V4NT TO YOU 1F YOUR3 GO1NG TO B3 D34L1NG W1TH TH3M 

ROSE: Very relevant, yes. 

TEREZI: F1N3  
TEREZI: MY PR1M4RY CONTR4CT 1S W1TH 4 D3MON OF R4G3 4ND T4VROS 1S W1TH 4 D3MON OF LUCK 

ROSE: I see. This demon of luck...how do they use their luck magic? 

TEREZI: UH 

TAVROS: uH, 

ROSE: They didn’t tell you. 

TAVROS: sHOULD SHE HAVE,,,? 

ROSE: It’s not required by the rules to specify how our abilities manifest, but it’s common courtesy.  
ROSE: But you’ve already answered one of my questions regardless. 

TEREZI: WH4T QU3ST1ON 

DAVE: yo is this why you didnt know these two would be showing up 

ROSE: Or what to do with them.  
ROSE: I am also a demon of luck, but my gift is in sight. I can generally divine the most fortuitous path with clients who come to us, which would render the need for questioning and consultation moot under normal circumstances.  
ROSE: However, your demon seems to be interfering with my sight. 

KARKAT: WAIT, WHAT?  
KARKAT: SHE CAN’T DO THAT. IT’S AGAINST THE RULES.  
KARKAT: DEMONS CAN’T MESS WITH OTHER DEMONS, ONLY THEIR HUMANS. 

TEREZI: SH3 DO3SNT PL4Y BY TH3 RUL3S 

ROSE: That bodes well. 

KARKAT: WAIT, OKAY, HOLD UP!  
KARKAT: DOES THAT MEAN WE’RE GOING INTO THIS COMPLETELY BLIND?  
KARKAT: AS IN YOU CAN’T DIRECT US AWAY FROM DOING ANYTHING IDIOTIC OR DANGEROUS? 

ROSE: Yes, that’s what that means. 

JOHN: whoa, is that okay?  
JOHN: we’ve gotten into some tight places before even with your help. 

JADE: yeah how do we know this is safe or doable? 

ROSE: We don’t.  
ROSE: But we are professionals, and the circumstances described to us thus far suggest an immediate need for intervention. We can’t deny clients simply because we can’t see the best outcome. 

JOHN: but what if something bad happens? 

ROSE: That’s what Dave is for. 

DAVE: oh shit what  
DAVE: youre putting this on me now 

ROSE: You are the time guy. 

DAVE: yeah but  
DAVE: thats an after the fact thing 

ROSE: Yes, it is. 

KARKAT: OKAY, LET’S ALL CALM THE FUCK DOWN FOR A MOMENT AND GET BACK TO THE CASE.  
KARKAT: IF WE CAN’T RELY ON ROSE TO SCOPE THIS ONE OUT, THAT MEANS WE ACTUALLY HAVE TO LISTEN TO THESE SAD SACKS AND DETERMINE THE BEST COURSE OF ACTION WITHOUT MAGIC. 

ROSE: Yes, that is what that means.  
ROSE: Shall we continue with the consultation, then? 

TEREZI: Y34H TH4T SOUNDS GOOD 

TAVROS: uH, oKAY, i’M,  
TAVROS: a LITTLE LOST, aS TO WHAT’S GOING ON NOW, oR WHAT THE EXACT PROBLEM IS, 

TEREZI: VR1SK4 1S TH3 PROBL3M  
TEREZI: TH4T PR3TTY MUCH SUMM4R13S 3V3RYTH1NG 

TAVROS: oH, oKAY, i KNEW THAT, 

ROSE: Vriska is the luck demon, I take it? 

TAVROS: yES, tHAT’S RIGHT,  
TAVROS: sHE’S MINE, 

TEREZI: SH3S TH3 SOURC3 OF MOST OF OUR PROBL3MS  
TEREZI: SP3C1F1C4LLY FOR T4VROS 

ROSE: And you’re Tavros? 

TAVROS: oH, yES, hOW RUDE OF US,  
TAVROS: i’M tAVROS nITRAM, aND THIS IS tEREZI PYROPE, 

ROSE: And your primary contract is with the luck demon who doesn’t follow the rules. 

DAVE: thats rough man 

JOHN: yeah, those luck demons, they’re intense! 

ROSE: Very funny. 

JADE: haha! :D 

ROSE: How about we start at the beginning. Tell us about your history with these demons and the sort of conflicts you’ve been having.  
ROSE: Specifically regarding the double contract. 

TEREZI: TH3 B3G1NN1NG HUH  
TEREZI: 4LR1GHT  
TEREZI: T4VROS 4ND 1 M3T 4FT3R OUR D3MONS P1TCH3D TH3 S3COND CONTR4CTS  
TEREZI: TH3Y D1DNT 4SK US OUR OP1N1ONS ON SH4R1NG D3MONS OR 4NYTH1NG TH3Y JUST SHOW3D UP W1TH TH3 OFF3R 4ND 3XPL41N3D TH4TS WH4T TH3Y W3R3 DO1NG  
TEREZI: T4VROS H4D 4LR34DY 4CC3PT3D G4MZ33S OFF3R SO 1 4CC3PT3D VR1SK4S TO 3V3N TH1NGS OUT 

ROSE: Gamzee is the rage demon? 

TEREZI: Y34H  
TEREZI: 1 GU3SS T4VROS 4ND 1 W3R3NT COMPL3T3 STR4NG3RS WH3N W3 M3T  
TEREZI: 1M 4 COP 4ND T4VROS 1S 4 CR1M1N4L  
TEREZI: 1 W4S HUNT1NG H1M DOWN WH1CH 1S HOW G4MZ33 4ND VR1SK4 C4M3 1NTO CONT4CT 4ND B3G4N SCH3M1NG  
TEREZI: 1M W1LL1NG TO B3T 1T W4S VR1SK4S 1D34 TO P1TCH TH3 DOUBL3 CONTR4CTS BUT 1 DONT KNOW HOW SH3 M4N4G3D TO CONV1NC3 G4MZ33 TO C4SH 1N ON 1T  
TEREZI: H3 US3D TO 4CTU4LLY C4R3 4BOUT TH3 RUL3S 4 STUP1D LOT 

DAVE: wait a minute  
DAVE: this guy is a criminal  
DAVE: what is he some kind of serial shoplifter 

TAVROS: uH,,,  
TAVROS: nOT, eXACTLY,,, 

TEREZI: TH4TS N33D TO KNOW 1NFORM4T1ON 

DAVE: we kind of need to know though 

TEREZI: NO YOU DONT 

KARKAT: DO YOU WANT US TO HELP YOU OR NOT? 

TEREZI: YOU DONT N33D TO KNOW WH4T K1ND OF CR1M1N4L H3 1S! 

JOHN: isn’t it sort of bad for a cop to be hanging out with a criminal? 

TAVROS: uHHH, 

TEREZI: TH3S3 4R3 SP3C14L C1RCUMST4NC3S  
TEREZI: H3S 4 CR1M1N4L B3C4US3 OF VR1SK4  
TEREZI: H1S B3COM1NG 4 CR1M1N4L 1S SP3C1F1C4LLY ON3 OF TH3 PROBL3MS W3R3 H4V1NG W1TH OUR D3MONS 

JOHN: ooooooh. 

TEREZI: Y34H “OH”  
TEREZI: DO YOU BULLY 4LL OF YOUR CL13NTS L1K3 TH1S? 

JOHN: what, no!  
JOHN: i wasn’t bullying either of you. 

TEREZI: Y3S YOU W3R3 

JOHN: no, i wasn’t! 

ROSE: Tavros, in what ways has Vriska influenced your descent into crime? 

TAVROS: uH, wELL,  
TAVROS: iT JUST STARTED THAT, i WOULD ACCIDENTALLY BE IN PLACES THAT i SHOULDN’T BE, aND PEOPLE WOULD THREATEN ME SO AS TO FORCE ME TO PERFORM ACTS OF SELF-DEFENSE, tHAT ALWAYS BECAME MORE VIOLENT THAN i MEANT THEM TO BE,  
TAVROS: bUT THEN, i GOT A REPUTATION, aND LUCKY BREAKS AND MISCOMMUNICATIONS MADE IT SO THAT i BECAME INVOLVED IN THE TRAFFICKING OF ILLEGAL SUBSTANCES,  
TAVROS: aND THEN, i SHOT A CHILD, aND NOW i’M IN THE MAFIA,  
TAVROS: fOR GOOD, mAYBE, 

DAVE: dude what  
DAVE: you shot a kid 

TAVROS: uH, yES, tHAT, uM, 

TEREZI: 1T W4SNT H1S F4ULT!  
TEREZI: W3R3 D34L1NG W1TH 4 LUCK D3MON 4ND 4 R4G3 D3MON  
TEREZI: 4ND WH1L3 G4MZ33 H4S SOM3 R3SP3CT FOR T4VROS VR1SK4 1S TOT4LLY DOM1N4T1NG 3V3RY 4SP3CT OF TH31R R3L4T1ONSH1P  
TEREZI: SH3 US3S LUCK TO STR1P H1M OF 4G3NCY 4ND L4ND H1M 1NTO S1TU4T1ONS TH4T 4R3 OUT OF H1S CONTROL  
TEREZI: 4ND SH3 US3S H1S F34R OF “4CC1D3NT4LLY” HURT1NG OTH3R P3OPL3 OR C4US1NG B4D TH1NGS TO H4PP3N TO CO3RC3 H1M 1NTO DO1NG W4Y MOR3 TH4N H3S COMFORT4BL3 DO1NG  
TEREZI: 3V3N WH3N H3S NOT COMM1TT1NG V1OL3NT CR1M3S TH3 WHOL3 ORD34L 1S PUSH1NG H1M TOW4RDS DRUGS 4ND OTH3R D3STRUCT1V3 B3H4V1ORS  
TEREZI: 1T N33DS TO STOP 

TAVROS: oH NO, wHAT,  
TAVROS: yOU,,,kNOW ABOUT THAT,,, 

TEREZI: WH4T  
TEREZI: KNOW 4BOUT WH4T 

TAVROS: tHE DRUGS, 

TEREZI: YOU S41D YOU TR13D COC41N3 R1GHT 

TAVROS: oH, rIGHT, i, dID SAY THAT, 

TEREZI: 1S TH3R3 SOM3TH1NG 3LS3 YOU D1DNT T3LL M3 

TAVROS: ,,,nO, 

TEREZI: T4VROS  
TEREZI: YOUR3 LY1NG 

TAVROS: oKAY, mAYBE,  
TAVROS: bUT ON THE POSITIVE SIDE, mY LYING TO YOU, aND YOU BEING AWARE OF THAT FACT, iS CONTRIBUTING TO THE FEEDING OF OUR DEMONS, sO, 

TEREZI: T4VROS! 

ROSE: Let’s refocus.  
ROSE: Terezi, tell us about your side of this conflict.  
ROSE: How are the demons mistreating you? 

TEREZI: 1 DONT H4V3 1T 4S B4D 4S T4VROS  
TEREZI: BY WH1CH 1 M34N 1 H4V3 SOM3 CONTROL OV3R OUR R3L4T1ONSH1PS  
TEREZI: VR1SK4 DO3SNT C4US3 M3 H4LF TH3 PROBL3MS SH3 C4US3S T4VROS  
TEREZI: W3 4CTU4LLY G3T 4LONG SURPR1S1NGLY W3LL 

ROSE: And your primary demon? 

TEREZI: OH H1M  
TEREZI: BL4RGH  
TEREZI: 1V3 H4D TROUBL3 W1TH H1M 1N TH3 P4ST BUT 1TS NOT OUR M41N CONC3RN R1GHT NOW 

TAVROS: uH,  
TAVROS: tHAT’S NOT WHAT vRISKA SAID TO ME,  
TAVROS: oR WHAT i’VE OBSERVED, fROM KNOWING YOU AND BEING AROUND YOU, 

TEREZI: WH4T  
TEREZI: WH4T D1D VR1SK4 S4Y 4BOUT 1T 

TAVROS: aCCORDING TO vRISKA, aBOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH gAMZEE,  
TAVROS: hE’S JUST AS BAD TO YOU AS SHE IS TO ME, wHICH,  
TAVROS: oKAY, i REALLY LIKE gAMZEE AND WISH i COULD SAY THAT ISN’T TRUE,  
TAVROS: bUT BEING HONEST WITH MYSELF AND THE SITUATION, i SUSPECT SHE MIGHT BE NOT EXAGGERATING AS MUCH AS SHE TENDS TO DO, 

TEREZI: SH3 4LW4YS S4YS G4MZ33S 1S 4S B4D 4S SH3 1S TO D1V3RT 4TT3NT1ON 4W4Y FROM H3R OWN BULLSH1T  
TEREZI: 1TS TH3 MOST OBV1OUS 4TT3MPT 4T 4 R3D H3RR1NG SH3 COULD PULL 

TAVROS: nO, i DON’T THINK THAT’S THE CASE,  
TAVROS: oR, aT LEAST NOT ALWAYS THE CASE, eNTIRELY,  
TAVROS: sHE SAYS HE USES MY BAD ACTIONS, aND THE EMOTIONAL STRAIN MY SINS CAUSE ME, tO CONVINCE YOU TO DO THINGS YOU SHOULDN’T,  
TAVROS: lIKE TO ABUSE YOUR POWER AS A COP,  
TAVROS: aND,  
TAVROS: i CAN SEE THAT BEING TRUE, oR AS A POSSIBILITY, gIVEN THE THINGS YOU’VE TOLD ME ABOUT YOUR PAST WITH HIM,  
TAVROS: yOU, sAID HE CAUSED YOU A LOT OF PROBLEMS, wITH HIS RAGE MAGIC, rIGHT, 

TEREZI: 1 H4V3 1T UND3R CONTROL NOW 

TAVROS: aCCORDING TO vRISKA’S LOGIC, yOU SAY THAT BECAUSE YOU WANT TO THINK SO,  
TAVROS: bUT THAT YOU’RE LYING TO YOURSELF, bECAUSE YOU’RE AFRAID YOU DON’T,  
TAVROS: aND YOU’RE RIGHT, bY BEING AFRAID OF THAT, bECAUSE IT’S TRUE, 

TEREZI: SH3S JUST TRY1NG TO M4K3 YOU FORG3T TH4T TH1S 1S 4LL H3R F4ULT 1N TH3 F1RST PL4C3!  
TEREZI: TH3 ONLY R34SON G4MZ33 H4S B33N WORS3 TH4N USU4L 1S B3C4US3 SH3 PUTS 4LL TH3 R3SPONS1B1L1TY FOR F33D1NG BOTH OF TH3M ONTO YOU  
TEREZI: SH3 DO3SNT M4K3 M3 DO 4NYTH1NG HORR1BL3 OR PUT M3 1NTO D1R3 S1TU4T1ONS L1K3 SH3 DO3S TO YOU  
TEREZI: SH3 M4K3S YOU C4RRY TH3 BURD3N 4ND TH4T P1SS3S G4MZ33 OFF B3C4US3 H3  
TEREZI: L1K3S YOU  
TEREZI: B3TT3R TH4N H3 L1K3S M3 

ROSE: So is Gamzee a problem, or isn’t he? 

TEREZI: 1 M34N OBV1OUSLY H3S CONTR1BUT1NG TO TH3 S1TU4T1ON  
TEREZI: BUT  
TEREZI: UGH 

TAVROS: iT’S, oKAY TO BE HONEST ABOUT IT, tEREZI,  
TAVROS: yOU DON’T HAVE TO BE ASHAMED ABOUT IT,  
TAVROS: lIKE YOU SAY A LOT, tHEY’RE DEMONS, aND THEY’RE BAD SOMETIMES, 

TEREZI: ...FUCK  
TEREZI: OK4Y F1N3  
TEREZI: 1F W3 H4V3 TO GO 4LL 1N ON TH1S  
TEREZI: H3S TH3 WORST TH1NG TH4TS 3V3R H4PP3N3D TO M3  
TEREZI: H3 W4SNT SO B4D WH3N 1 F1RST S1GN3D TH3 CONTR4CT BUT OV3R T1M3 H3 JUST  
TEREZI: GOT WORS3 4ND WORS3 4ND WORS3  
TEREZI: 4ND SO D1D 1  
TEREZI: 4ND NOW TH3R3S TH1S DOUBL3 CONTR4CT TO D34L W1TH 4ND H3 4ND VR1SK4 JUST DONT COOP3R4T3 W1TH 34CH OTH3R 4T 4LL  
TEREZI: TH3YR3 HORR1BL3 TOG3TH3R 4ND M4K3 L1F3 H3LL FOR M3 4ND T4VROS BOTH 4ND  
TEREZI: 1 DONT KNOW WH4T TO DO 4BOUT H1M 4NYMOR3  
TEREZI: M4YB3 1F H3 W3R3 W1TH T4VROS 4ND 1 W3R3 W1TH VR1SK4 NON3 OF TH1S WOULD H4V3 3V3R B33N 4 PROBL3M BUT  
TEREZI: TH4TS NOT TH3 C4S3 4ND 1 W4NT H1M OUT OF MY L1F3 

JOHN: wow, this sounds like a really messed up situation. 

JADE: yeah it does... :( 

TEREZI: W3R3 NOT T3LL1NG YOU 4BOUT 1T SO YOU C4N P1TY US >:[ 

JADE: oh no, thats not what we meant!  
JADE: weve just seen a lot of cases since weve been here and this is our first double contract  
JADE: it sounds a lot more complicated than our usual cases! 

JOHN: man, yeah.  
JOHN: it’s really too bad karkat can’t just fix the relationships between humans and demons with his magic...  
JOHN: that would be so awesome right about now. 

KARKAT: BITCH ALL YOU WANT ABOUT IT BUT DEMONS CAN’T USE THEIR MAGIC AGAINST OTHER DEMONS. 

JOHN: their demon is using her magic against rose! 

KARKAT: IF THEIR DEMON TOLD THEM TO SHOOT A KID AND JOIN THE MAFIA, WOULD YOU WANT ME TO DO IT TOO? 

TAVROS: cAN WE, sTOP BRINGING THAT UP,  
TAVROS: pLEASE, 

KARKAT: YEAH, MAN, SORRY.  
KARKAT: THE POINT IS RULES EXIST FOR A REASON, AND DEMONS WHO BREAK THE RULES USUALLY DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THE SAFETY OF THEIR HUMANS.  
KARKAT: IF YOU WANT A RELATIONSHIP LIKE WHAT THESE MISERABLE SODS HAVE WITH THEIR PSYCHOTIC DEMONS, THEN SURE, I’LL BE HAPPY TO BREAK A FEW RULES FOR YOU.  
KARKAT: BUT I’VE GOT THE SUSPICION THAT YOU’D RATHER HAVE THIS SORRY EXCUSE FOR A PARTNERSHIP WE’VE GOT GOING FOR US NOW EXACTLY AS-IS. 

JOHN: yeah, i guess you’re right.  
JOHN: even though you’re usually the one complaining about it. 

KARKAT: BECAUSE YOUR IDEA OF ‘NEGATIVE EMOTION’ IS THE TWO SECONDS OF SURPRISE AND HALF HOUR OF RESENTMENT THAT FOLLOW A *SLIGHTLY* MEANER THAN AVERAGE PRANK!  
KARKAT: I’M HALF STARVED WORKING WITH YOU! 

JADE: youre just being dramatic again 

KARKAT: I’M NOT BEING DRAMATIC! 

JOHN: wow, that sure was a dramatic answer! 

JADE: sure was! 

KANAYA: Can We At Least Pretend To Nurture A Professional Environment Around Here And Try To Help Our Clients Without Bickering Amongst Ourselves 

DAVE: damn kanaya thats asking a lot 

ROSE: We’ll take the case.  
ROSE: But before we complete the paperwork, we need to discuss solutions.  
ROSE: On the basis of the double contract, which is against our laws, we can break your contracts easily without any personal sacrifice or penalty to either of you.  
ROSE: I would suggest we start the process as quickly as possible. 

KANAYA: I Agree 

TEREZI: WH4T DO3S TH4T 3NT41L 

ROSE: For you, it means surrendering all benefits you’ve reaped from your partnerships with your demons.  
ROSE: Whatever long-term or permanent assistance they’ve provided for you will be recanted upon the end of the contract.  
ROSE: This would be true under any circumstance. However, because most contracts last until death, it hardly matters for most humans. Ending the contract early only makes the provision more obvious. 

TEREZI: SO S4Y 1 W4S BL1ND B3FOR3 1 M3T G4MZ33 

ROSE: You would be blind again. 

TAVROS: wHOA, nO, wHAT,  
TAVROS: iIIII,,,aM HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS, sUDDENLY, 

TEREZI: WH4T  
TEREZI: JUST L1K3 TH4T  
TEREZI: 4R3 YOU S3R1OUS 

TAVROS: aREN’T YOU CONCERNED, tHOUGH,  
TAVROS: i MEAN, yOUR EYES, 

TEREZI: 1 W4S B3TT3R OFF BL1ND TO B3 HON3ST  
TEREZI: L3TT1NG G4MZ33 H34L MY 3Y3S W4S ON3 OF TH3 WORST M1ST4K3S 1V3 3V3R M4D3 

TAVROS: uHHH,  
TAVROS: oKAY, iF YOU SAY SO, bUT,  
TAVROS: i WASN’T BETTER OFF BEFORE, aT ALL,  
TAVROS: eSPECIALLY IF i’M THAT WAY NOW, wITH, tHE SYNDICATE, 

TEREZI: T4VROS SHUT UP!  
TEREZI: YOU C4NT JUST T4LK 4BOUT TH4T 

TAVROS: nO, i KNOW, bUT,  
TAVROS: oH, mY GOD, i CAN’T GO BACK TO BEING,  
TAVROS: tEREZI, i DON’T THINK THAT WOULD BE OKAY,  
TAVROS: i WOULDN’T BE USEFUL, aS A POTENTIAL MERCENARY ANYMORE, bUT i CAN’T JUST,  
TAVROS: qUIT,  
TAVROS: i KNOW TOO MUCH NOW,  
TAVROS: wE’RE NOT ALLOWED TO JUST, lEAVE THE FAMILY LIKE THAT, 

TEREZI: T4VROS C4LM DOWN  
TEREZI: W3 C4N F1GUR3 SOM3TH1NG OUT 

TAVROS: iSN’T THERE, aNOTHER OPTION,  
TAVROS: oR SOMETHING, 

ROSE: Something other than breaking the contracts?  
ROSE: Unless you would prefer to try to work it out with your demons, I’m afraid not.  
ROSE: And it sounds as though working it out might not be a productive route to take in your particular situation. 

TEREZI: HMM...  
TEREZI: WH4T 4BOUT...  
TEREZI: SW4PP1NG CONTR4CTS 

ROSE: ...  
ROSE: Was it your luck demon who enlightened you to that course of action? 

TEREZI: Y3S  
TEREZI: BUT 1 D1DNT W4NT TO T4K3 H3R WORD ON 1T W1THOUT MOR3 1NFORM4T1ON  
TEREZI: 1S 1T B4D 

ROSE: Swapping contracts, as your demon framed it, is not actually a swap so much as a transfer. In your case, if you were planning to exchange your primary contracts using this magic, it would seem to be a sort of swap, but you would in reality be transferring your contracts to each other.  
ROSE: And yes, that would probably be bad.  
ROSE: For starters, it is against the rules. A contract signed between two entities should not be passed to a third party. Besides which, it is usually done to the third party without their consent.  
ROSE: This magic does not require the signature of the third party to work. In only requires their blood and the signature of the human who originally signed the contract. It should be obvious why this is horribly illegal according to our laws.  
ROSE: Secondly, the magic your demon is suggesting is dark. Angels would never touch this magic, and demons usually pitch this bargain to their humans when their humans are desperate to get rid of them. It requires a sacrifice.  
ROSE: The sacrifice can be a number of things, but it usually takes the form of a soul to replace the soul of the human in the contract, as compensation for ending the contract prematurely.  
ROSE: Obviously, this is another reason this magic is against our laws, since the demon would also be promised the soul of the third party mortal through the contract that is transferred. That’s one soul lost to the magic, and another promised to the demon through the contract.  
ROSE: If you undertook this course of action, you would both have to arrange a sacrifice of something of equal value to your own soul to perform the necessary magic, even if you are consensually exchanging your contracts among yourselves. Such as another human being. I doubt that sounds pleasant to you, does it? 

TEREZI: NO  
TEREZI: YOUR3 R1GHT TH4T SOUNDS PR3TTY 4WFUL  
TEREZI: 1 KN3W TH3R3 W4S 4 C4TCH SH3 W4SNT L3TT1NG ON TO 

ROSE: Yes, it’s becoming clear that your demon is the scheming type who would suggest this type of magic to her humans.  
ROSE: I would not recommend it. 

TAVROS: sO,  
TAVROS: wHAT DO WE DO,  
TAVROS: iS, eNDING THE CONTRACTS THE ONLY OPTION, 

ROSE: That, or we can attempt to mediate. Which may be difficult.  
ROSE: Beside the threat of ending the contracts, we have little authority to wield against your demons. All we have is diplomacy.  
ROSE: However, your safety is our concern as well. If you think it would be unsafe to end your contracts now, we should take that into consideration.  
ROSE: You may consider postponing the nullification of your contracts long enough to alter your situation or affairs into something more safe. We can break your contracts once you’ve become more secure.  
ROSE: What will it be? 

TEREZI: ...  


TAVROS: ,,, 

TEREZI: T4VROS? 

TAVROS: i,  
TAVROS: uNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS A HARD SITUATION ON YOU, aND THAT CANCELLING YOUR CONTRACT WITH gAMZEE WOULD MAKE YOU HAPPY,  
TAVROS: aND NOT FEELING RESPONSIBLE FOR ME WOULD ALSO, mAKE YOUR LIFE MANY TIMES EASIER,  
TAVROS: sO IF YOU THINK THAT’S THE BEST THING TO DO,  
TAVROS: i TRUST YOUR JUDGMENT, aND AGREE TO YOUR DECISION, 

TEREZI: ...  
TEREZI: W3LL TRY FOR M3D14T1ON FOR NOW  
TEREZI: 4ND 1F W3 C4N WORK TH1NGS OUT TH3N W3LL C4NC3L TH3 CONTR4CTS  
TEREZI: HOWS TH4T SOUND 

KARKAT: FUCKING HORRIBLE.  
KARKAT: I’M GUESSING WE’RE GOING TO BE TAKING THIS ONE THEN, AREN’T WE? 

ROSE: John, Jade, Dave, and Karkat are our field agents and will serve as mediators between you and your demons. 

DAVE: yep shes handing it over to us 

KARKAT: OH, FUCKING FANTASTIC!  
KARKAT: I CANNOT WAIT TO MEET THIS KID-MURDERING DEMON BITCH AND ATTEMPT TO STRIKE UP A CONVERSATION ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF FOLLOWING RULES.  
KARKAT: THIS IS GOING TO BE OUR BEST CASE YET! 

DAVE: dude have you been hanging out with rose and kanaya because your snarky horseshit is off the charts right now 

TEREZI: SO HOW DO3S TH1S WORK  
TEREZI: DO W3 H4V3 TO T4K3 TH3M HOM3 W1TH US 

KARKAT: WE’RE NOT A PACK OF HOMELESS DOGS YOU’RE PICKING UP FROM THE SHELTER.  
KARKAT: WE’RE MEDIATORS AND WE HAVE OUR OWN APARTMENT.  
KARKAT: WE’LL NEED TO SPEND TIME TOGETHER OBVIOUSLY, BUT WE DON’T HAVE TO *LIVE* TOGETHER. 

DAVE: i mean we could be dogs though  
DAVE: check it out  
DAVE: woof and shit 

JADE: hahaha! :D 

TAVROS: aHAHA, tHAT’S ADORABLE, }:D 

TEREZI: H3Y SHOUTY 4R3 YOU TH1S CUT3 4S 4 DOG  
TEREZI: OR 4R3 YOU MOR3 OF 4 C4T P3RSON 

KARKAT: I’M NOT INTERESTED IN TREATING THIS CASE LIKE A BIG ASININE GAME. 

TEREZI: 4R3 YOU 4LW4YS GO1NG TO B3 SUCH 4 HUG3 ST1CK 1N TH3 MUD B3C4US3 TH4TS R34LLY GO1NG TO M4K3 TH1S WHOL3 ORD34L BOR1NG 

KARKAT: OKAY, LET’S GET ONE THING STRAIGHT.  
KARKAT: I’M NOT HANGING OUT WITH YOU FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES, GOT IT? I AM THE PROFESSIONAL THIS AGENCY NEEDS TO KEEP ITS SHIT TOGETHER AND ON TRACK.  
KARKAT: WITHOUT ME, THIS GROUP OF HEINOUS IDIOTS WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO SUCCESSFULLY MEDIATE BETWEEN A PAIR OF DROOLING INFANTS.  
KARKAT: I’M BASICALLY THE BACKBONE OF THIS FIELD UNIT, AND I TAKE MY ROLE SERIOUSLY.  
KARKAT: WE’VE GOT A LOT OF REALLY DIFFICULT AND DANGEROUS WORK AHEAD OF US, SO INDULGE IN THE JACKASSERY NOW WHILE YOU HAVE THE CHANCE.  
KARKAT: BECAUSE IN THE FIELD WE ARE ALL BUSINESS. 

DAVE: yeah okay dude  
DAVE: like any of that is actually true 

JOHN: wow, karkat, way to be a huge party pooper! 

JADE: yeah, youre going to scare them!  
JADE: its not that serious really  
JADE: well...maybe sometimes it is, but not right off the bat!!  
JADE: dont let karkat fool you, hell lighten up after he gets used to you a little bit 

JOHN: yeah, he always gets too invested in our cases.  
JOHN: just give him a week, and he’ll care way too much about you and all your problems.  
JOHN: that goes for jade, too. 

JADE: youre not much better! 

TEREZI: WOW WH4T 4 BUNCH OF N3RDS  
TEREZI: 1 C4N 4LR34DY T3LL TH1S 1S GO1NG TO B3 4 B1G CLUST3RFUCK 

TAVROS: i DON’T KNOW,  
TAVROS: mAYBE IT WON’T BE THAT BAD,  
TAVROS: tERezI, tHesE PEopLE sEEm reaLLY nICe,  
TAVROS: thE ciRCUmstAnCEs oF oUR meeTInG aND thE mOOdy dEMoN nOTwiTHSTanDinG, 

TEREZI: T4VROS WHY 4R3 YOU 3V3N TRY1NG YOU KNOW YOU C4NT WH1SP3R 

JADE: its fine!  
JADE: were going to be spending a lot of time together, so its probably for the better that we get off to a good start! 

TAVROS: yEAH, i AGREE,  
TAVROS: aND, sINCE YOU’VE EXPRESSED POSITIVE FEELINGS ABOUT IT, mAYBE WE CAN MAKE THIS NOT TERRIBLE AND SERIOUS BUSINESS ALWAYS,  
TAVROS: bUT ALSO JUST, sPEND TIME BEING FRIENDLY,  
TAVROS: lIKE THIS SITUATION WITH, yOUR ANGEL DOG, 

JADE: yeah, definitely!! :D 

DAVE: affirmative bark 

TAVROS: }:D 

TEREZI: OH GOD  
TEREZI: HOW 4BOUT W3 WR4P UP B3FOR3 TH3S3 DORKS G1V3 M3 4 TOOTH 4CH3 

ROSE: All you need to do is sign the paperwork. 

TEREZI: Y34H OK4Y  
TEREZI: T4VROS S1GN H3R3 

TAVROS: sHOULDN’T i, aLSO READ IT BEFORE i SIGN IT, 

TEREZI: 1 JUST R34D 1T FOR YOU  
TEREZI: CONS1D3R M3 YOUR L3G4L R3PR3S3NT4T1V3 

TAVROS: aREN’T THESE PEOPLE MY LEGAL REPRESENTATIVES NOW THOUGH, 

TEREZI: NO  
TEREZI: SORT OF  
TEREZI: MOSTLY 1TS M3 B3C4US3 YOU C4N B3 SUR3 1 H4V3 YOUR B3ST 1NT3R3STS 1N M1ND 4ND WONT TRY TO T4K3 4DV4NT4G3 OF YOUR N4TUR4L GULL1B1L1TY 

TAVROS: oH, oKAY, tHANKS 

ROSE: Thank you.  
ROSE: Kanaya will take care of the office work for you, and if you have any questions concerning the paperwork or the legal side of things, you may call her at the office at any time.  
ROSE: Our field agents will exchange contact information with you. They’ll explain their calling hours to you and their procedure for mediating. You will have to set a date for them to meet your demons in a relatively relaxed environment.  
ROSE: They may seem like a bunch of goofy interns right now, but they have experience and know what they are doing. Mostly. Please take their advice seriously. 

TEREZI: TH4T SOUNDS PR3TTY QU3ST1ON4BL3 BUT OK4Y 

JOHN: don’t worry, we’ll prove ourselves once we start working. 

JADE: yeah!! 

DAVE: yeah 

KARKAT: WE’VE NEVER FAILED A CASE YET. 

TAVROS: oH, tHAT’S REASSURING, 

TEREZI: B3TT3R TH4N NOTH1NG  
TEREZI: BUT 1LL B3L13V3 1T WH3N 1 S33 1T  
TEREZI: H3R3S OUR NUMB3RS  
TEREZI: C4LL US WH3N YOUR3 R34DY TO G1V3 TH1S M3D14T1ON TH1NG 4 GO  
TEREZI: 4ND 1F 1 W3R3 YOU 1 WOULDNT UND3R3ST1M4T3 OUR D3MONS 

DAVE: yeah no they sound batshit insane  
DAVE: we wont be stupid about it 

TEREZI: GOOD  
TEREZI: SM3LL Y4 L4T3R N3RDS 

TAVROS: sHE ONLY SAYS STUFF LIKE THAT WHEN SHE LIKES PEOPLE,  
TAVROS: jUST SO YOU KNOW, 

JOHN: and she’s calling US nerds? 

TAVROS: wELL, i CAN SEE WHY SHE MIGHT THINK SO, aT LEAST IN YOUR CASE, 

JOHN: hey! 

TEREZI: T4VROS COM3 ON 1M G3TT1NG R34LLY HUNGRY H3R3 

TAVROS: oKAY, bYE, sEE YOU SOON, 

JADE: it was nice meeting you! 

KANAYA: This Is Going To Be An Interesting Case 

ROSE: Yes...we’ll see. 


	11. Match Making

VRISKA: Where the FUCK did you two find supernatural lawyers?

JOHN: we’re really just

TEREZI: DONT WORRY 4BOUT 1T  
TEREZI: 4LL YOU N33D TO KNOW 1S TH4T 1M ONTO YOUR BULLSH1T 4ND W3R3 T4K1NG B4CK CONTROL

VRISKA: “Taking 8ack control” implies that you had it in the first place.

TEREZI: 1 D1D  
TEREZI: 4ND TH1S T1M3 T4VROS 1S GO1NG TO B3 JO1N1NG M3

VRISKA: So this is how it’s going to 8e.  
VRISKA: To be honest, I’m disappointed! I thought we had something good going for us, Terezi.

TEREZI: W3 D1D  
TEREZI: W3 DO  
TEREZI: BUT NOW W3R3 GO1NG TO H4V3 4 GOOD TH1NG GO1NG W1TH T4VROS G4MZ33 4ND 4 C1RCUS OF CLOWNS WHO C4N NULL1FY OUR CONTR4CTS 4T 4NY PO1NT 1N T1M3 1T B3COM3S N3C3SS4RY

GAMZEE: these motherfuckers don’t look like no motherfucking clowns i’ve ever seen

KARKAT: THAT’S BECAUSE WE’RE NOT FUCKING CLOWNS.  
KARKAT: WE’RE PROFESSIONALS, AND THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS.  
KARKAT: IF ANYONE HERE COULD BE CONSIDERED CLOWNS, IT’S THE TWO OF YOU, AND WE’RE HERE TO PUT THE RIGHTFUL RINGLEADERS BACK IN CHARGE OF THIS ASSBACKWARDS CIRCUS YOU’RE TRYING TO RUIN WITH YOUR LAWLESS SHENANIGANS.

GAMZEE: :oO  
GAMZEE: BRO  
GAMZEE: i am a motherfucking clown

KARKAT: THEN WE’RE OFF TO A GOOD FUCKING START, AREN’T WE?  
KARKAT: NOW ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS STRIKE THE PROPER FEAR OF THE GODS INTO YOUR RULE-BREAKING ASSES AND WE CAN CALL IT A DAY.

VRISKA: Oh god.  
VRISKA: This is going to be horrible.

JADE: it shouldnt be though!

JOHN: yeah, we’re here to make this process as painless as possible.

JADE: were mediators, and were good at it too!

VRISKA: You two? I dou8t it.  
VRISKA: I don’t know what kind of contracts you negoti8ed to reduce your “partners” to this sad state of 8eing, 8ut I’ve still got some pride in my status as a demon. Thanks, 8ut no thanks.  
VRISKA: Quit meddling where you’re not wanted.

DAVE: wow you should probably be a little more standoffish  
DAVE: thatll definitely deter us and make this a thing that doesnt happen

JOHN: which is another way of saying that unless you want us to nullify your contracts, you’d be better off cooperating. We’re here to stay until you work stuff out with your humans!

VRISKA: ........Tavros.  
VRISKA: What do you have to say a8out all this?

TAVROS: uH,,,  
TAVROS: i AGREE WITH THE THINGS THAT HAVE BEEN SAID, aBOUT CORRECTING YOUR BEHAVIOR,  
TAVROS: i’VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR BOSSINESS, aND i DESERVE AN EQUAL SAY IN OUR PARTNERSHIP,

VRISKA: Hm.  
VRISKA: Fine.  
VRISKA: I’ll play along. If you want to play marriage counselor to this shitty partnership, 8e my guest.

TEREZI: R34LLY

VRISKA: Yeah, sure.

TEREZI: R333444LLY

VRISKA: YES, god.

TEREZI: OK4Y GOOD  
TEREZI: CONS1D3R TH1S TH3 ST4RT TO 4 N3W 4ND 3XC1T1NG CH4PT3R OF OUR R3L4T1ONSH1PS >:]

VRISKA: Don’t p8ronize me.

 

* * *

(Comic by [lowfatcheese](http://tmblr.co/mxztLIVKm_rpAbcHa746rTQ) and check out their new webcomic at <http://cactusmanofficial.tumblr.com/> !!)

(Art by the amazing [beavisandbuttheadyaoi](http://beavisandbuttheadyaoi.tumblr.com/)!)

(Art by [wind-wooden-doll](http://wind-wooden-doll.tumblr.com/)!)

(More art by [beavisandbuttheadyaoi](http://beavisandbuttheadyaoi.tumblr.com/)!)

(More art by [gloomy-optimist](http://tmblr.co/m5QhAvZ2pW466s1iJ93iTvw)!)

* * *

 

 

KARKAT: SO ARE WE ALL IN AGREEMENT?

DAVE: wait what are we agreeing about again  
DAVE: sorry i wasnt paying attention

KARKAT: MAYBE IF YOU HADN’T WASTED THE LAST HALF HOUR DRAWING ON MY NOTES INSTEAD OF ENGAGING IN A CRITICALLY FUCKING IMPORTANT WORK MEETING WITH YOUR COLLEAGUES, THAT WOULDN'T BE A PROBLEM.

DAVE: does it count as a work meeting when were in our own apartment 

JOHN: yeah, and why are you still calling us colleagues?

JADE: arent we close enough to be friends by now? 

KARKAT: IT’S A “WORK MEETING” BECAUSE WE NEED TO GET WORK DONE, AND YOU’RE “COLLEAGUES” BECAUSE WE’RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A WORK MEETING!  
KARKAT: WE CAN BE FRIENDS WHEN WE’RE NOT WORKING.  
KARKAT: SOMEONE WHO WAS ACTUALLY LISTENING, AND HOPEFULLY *ONE* OF YOU WERE ACTUALLY LISTENING, ARE WE IN AGREEMENT?

JADE: about the match-ups?  
JADE: i think they made sense!  
JADE: you get along with gamzee really well, and vriska seems to like john better than any of the rest of us.

JOHN: yeah, she’s not nearly as bad as they made her out to be!

KARKAT: DON’T LET YOUR GUARD DOWN!  
KARKAT: OUR WORK IS FAR FROM OVER, AND THE LAST THING WE NEED IS FOR YOU TO GET CAUGHT UP IN SOME DEMON’S WEB OF BULLSHIT.

JOHN: don’t worry, i’ve been doing this long enough to know better.

KARKAT: SURE YOU HAVE.

DAVE: so does that leave me and jade with the human half of the problem

JADE: looks like it! :D

DAVE: sweet

KARKAT: DON’T THINK YOU CAN START SLACKING OFF JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE GETTING THE HUMANS.  
KARKAT: THIS ISN’T AN INVITATION TO START AN ONGOING FEEL-GOOD CIRCLE JERK. THESE ASSHOLES NEED SOME SERIOUS AND RIGOROUS REHAB TO CORRECT THEIR SPINELESS ACCEPTANCE OF THEIR SHITTY RELATIONSHIPS.

DAVE: yeah we know  
DAVE: two newly confident and not at all fucked up human beings coming right up

JADE: yeah!! well work on the usual techniques with them

KARKAT: GOOD. GREAT. NOW IF THAT’S SETTLED, MOTIONS TO CLOSE THE MEETING?

DAVE: dude were off the clock

JOHN: i move to go get burritos

JADE: seconded!!!


	12. A Mistake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All art for this chapter was done by [astropunch](http://astropunch.tumblr.com/) ([land-dweller](http://land-dweller.tumblr.com/))! Check out her art and take a look at her [commission info!](http://astropunch.tumblr.com/commissions/)

KARKAT: FIVE CENTURIES! IT’S BEEN FIVE GODFORSAKEN CENTURIES SINCE THEY GOT MY APPLICATION AND I’VE HEARD CLOSE TO FUCKALL ABOUT IT SINCE THEN.  
KARKAT: I MEAN, I HEARD IT WAS HARD TO TRANSFER INTO HEAVEN, BUT FUCKING HELL! 

GAMZEE: aw, bro, i’m sure you’ll get your motherfuckin angel wings in no motherfucking time.  
GAMZEE: IN MOTHERFUCKING FACT  
GAMZEE: my bro tavros was all telling me right around last motherfucking christmas about how angels be up and earning their motherfucking wings every time a human rings some motherfucking bell.  
GAMZEE: EVERY TIME A MOTHERFUCKING BELL RINGS, BRO.  
GAMZEE: can you motherfucking believe it?  


KARKAT: SOUNDS TO ME LIKE MORE SUPERSTITIOUS HUMAN GARBAGE THAT SOME HALFWIT GARBLED UP IN A DRUNKEN RANT.  
KARKAT: WHERE DO THEY COME UP WITH THAT SHIT? 

GAMZEE: I DON’T GOT A MOTHERFUCKING CLUE.  
GAMZEE: but i thought it was some kind of motherfucking cute anyway. 

KARKAT: OKAY, YEAH.  
KARKAT: AT LEAST THEY’RE CUTE.  
KARKAT: SOME OF THEM. 

GAMZEE: YEAH.  
GAMZEE: some of them.  


KARKAT: ...SO.  
KARKAT: HUMANS, AM I RIGHT? 

GAMZEE: MOTHERFUCKING HUMANS.  
GAMZEE: they’re a motherfucking miracle. 

KARKAT: THAT’S NOT WHAT I WOULD CALL THEM, BUT I’LL ROLL WITH IT.  
KARKAT: YOU SEEM TO LIKE THEM WELL ENOUGH. 

GAMZEE: LIKE THEM?  
GAMZEE: nah, bro.  
GAMZEE: HUMANS AIN’T SHIT TO ME BUT WHAT I DEAL WITH ON THE MOTHERFUCKING DAILY.  
GAMZEE: i’m just another motherfucking demon doing his motherfucking job.  


KARKAT: YEAH, SURE, AND I’M THE SON OF THE DEMON LORD HIMSELF.  
KARKAT: HOW THE HELL CAN YOU CALL HUMANS MIRACULOUS AND IMMEDIATELY SAY THEY AREN’T SHIT TO YOU IN THE NEXT SENTENCE? 

GAMZEE: THAT’S JUST ALL HOW IT MOTHERFUCKING IS, BRO.  
GAMZEE: i ain’t never had no motherfucking angelic aspirations like what you got.  
GAMZEE: I JUST MAKE MY MOTHERFUCKING CONTRACTS AND FOLLOW THE GOD MADE MOTHERFUCKING RULES WHAT OUR GOOD LORD AND MUSE PUT DOWN AS RIGHT FOR THE LIKES OF WHAT WE ARE. 

KARKAT: ARE YOU SERIOUS?  
KARKAT: YOU’RE LITERALLY BREAKING THE RULES RIGHT NOW WITH THE DOUBLE CONTRACT YOU WILLINGLY SIGNED WITH TWO DIFFERENT HUMANS.  
KARKAT: THAT’S WHY WE FUCKING MET. 

GAMZEE: oh, yeah.  
GAMZEE: THAT IS A THING I MOTHERFUCKING DID.  
GAMZEE: i guess shit up and got a little motherfucking complicated lately. 

KARKAT: COMPLICATED? IS THAT WHAT THEY’RE CALLING IT NOWADAYS?  
KARKAT: FUCK IT, I’M JUST GOING TO ASK.  
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH YOU AND YOUR HUMANS?  
KARKAT: THE VIBE I’M GETTING IS THAT YOU’RE NOT THE KIND OF FROTHING, VILE MONSTER OF A DEMON I WAS THINKING YOU WERE WHEN THEY WERE DESCRIBING THE SITUATION WITH YOU, AND I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU TO DROP SOME KIND OF, I DON’T KNOW, ACTUAL GOSSIP ABOUT IT FOR WEEKS NOW.  
KARKAT: BUT ALL YOU DO IS LISTEN TO ME RANT AND TALK ABOUT THE QUIRKY FAKE HUMAN BULLSHIT YOU SOMEHOW ACTUALLY BELIEVE IS TRUE EVEN THOUGH YOU KNOW, AS A DEMON, HOW WRONG THEY ARE.  
KARKAT: TIME TO OPEN UP! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING? 

GAMZEE: WHAT WAS I MOTHERFUCKING THINKING?  
GAMZEE: to be all motherfucking honest, bro  
GAMZEE: I AIN’T MUCH MOTHERFUCKING THOUGHT ABOUT IT. 

KARKAT: YOU HAVEN’T THOUGHT ABOUT IT?  
KARKAT: HOW HAVE YOU NOT THOUGHT ABOUT IT? 

GAMZEE: i just motherfucking didn’t.  
GAMZEE: THINGS LIKE THIS AIN’T NEVER HAPPENED WITH ME BEFORE.  
GAMZEE: i ain’t no demon of blood or nothing nice like luck or some shit like that.  
GAMZEE: I’M A RAGE DEMON, MOTHERFUCKER.  
GAMZEE: and demons the likes of what i am don’t make much good impressions on the humans they up and find.  
GAMZEE: SO I GET MY SEARCH ON FOR WICKED MOTHERFUCKERS AND I MAKE MY MOTHERFUCKING CONTRACTS  
GAMZEE: and we sit back and get our motherfucking chill on with all that cold motherfucking hate affection what demons like me have with humans like mine.  
GAMZEE: IT AIN’T SO MOTHERFUCKING HARD TO FOLLOW RULES WHEN THAT’S HOW THE WICKED SHIT GETS KICKED.  
GAMZEE: but i found a different kind of motherfucker this time.  
GAMZEE: THAT SHIT CHANGES THE WAY I GOT MY MOTHERFUCKING THINKING ON ABOUT HUMANS. 

KARKAT: SO YOU BROKE THE RULES. 

GAMZEE: uhh...  
GAMZEE: FUCK, BRO.  
GAMZEE: when you put it that way, i don’t know what all to think about it no more.  
GAMZEE: :o( 

KARKAT: THAT’S LITERALLY ALL IT TAKES?  
KARKAT: DID YOU NOT REALIZE THAT YOU WERE BREAKING THE RULES OR SOMETHING? 

GAMZEE: NO.  
GAMZEE: i knew.  
GAMZEE: BUT TAVROS, BRO  
GAMZEE: he ain’t like what humans i usually contract myself with.  
GAMZEE: SO I WAS ALL HOPING THINGS MIGHT BE MOTHERFUCKING DIFFERENT. 

KARKAT: WHAT, DID YOU THINK YOU COULD JUST START UP A CASUAL, COMPLETELY NON-WORK RELATED RELATIONSHIP WITH A RANDOM HUMAN BY SIGNING A CONTRACT WITH HIM? 

GAMZEE: i guess  
GAMZEE: I MOTHERFUCKING DID 

KARKAT: OKAY, SO.  
KARKAT: THIS IS MY UNDERSTANDING OF THE SITUATION, AND CORRECT ME IF I’M WRONG.  
KARKAT: YOU KNEW THAT YOU WERE BREAKING THE RULES, BUT YOU DIDN’T ACTUALLY THINK YOU WERE BREAKING THE RULES. 

GAMZEE: aw, bro.  
GAMZEE: THE RULES ARE SACRED TO MY MOTHERFUCKING HEART.  
GAMZEE: i didn’t want to be fucking with what’s sacred to me in my motherfucking heart.  
GAMZEE: BUT  
GAMZEE: i thought since it wasn't for sin maybe this case would be motherfucking different. 

KARKAT: FUCK.  
KARKAT: LOOK.  


KARKAT: I DON’T WANT TO BE THE ASSHOLE HERE, AND I GET WHERE YOU’RE COMING FROM.  
KARKAT: I’VE MADE A FEW CONTRACTS WITH HUMANS THAT REALLY FUCKED ME UP. GOOD HUMANS. HUMANS WHO MADE IT HURT TO WATCH THEM SIN.  
KARKAT: WHICH IS A GOOD FUCKING LOT OF THE REASON I WANT OUT OF THE HELLISH SIDE OF THIS SHITTY JOB TO WORK WITH HUMANS ON A MORE PHILANTHROPIC BASIS INSTEAD.  
KARKAT: BUT ANGEL, DEMON, IT DOESN’T FUCKING MATTER, BECAUSE HUMANS *DIE.*  
KARKAT: IT’S ALREADY BAD NEWS TO GET TOO ATTACHED TO A HUMAN BECAUSE THEIR LIFESPANS LAST ABOUT AS LONG AS A GOOD TV SHOW COMPARED TO OURS.  
KARKAT: BUT WHEN YOU START TO BREAK THE RULES FOR A HUMAN, YOU’RE REALLY SETTING YOURSELF UP TO GET FUCKED, AND I DON’T MEAN IN A GOOD WAY.  
KARKAT: FIRST OF ALL, YOU’RE GOING TO HURT YOUR HUMANS.  
KARKAT: BOTH OF THEM.  


GAMZEE: ...honk. 

KARKAT: AND YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO LIVE WITH THAT.  
KARKAT: YOU’RE THE ONE THROWING YOUR VALUES TO THE WIND FOR WHAT ESSENTIALLY AMOUNTS TO BE A FLING.  
KARKAT: IT’S NOT WORTH IT. AND YOUR MEMORY OF YOUR HUMAN WILL BE FUCKED FOREVER BECAUSE YOU’LL KNOW YOU MADE A SHITTY DECISION AND YOUR SHITTY DECISION CAUSED THEM TO SUFFER MORE THAN THEY SHOULD HAVE. 

GAMZEE: ...BRO.  
GAMZEE: i think i fucked up.  
GAMZEE: I FUCKED UP, BRO. 

KARKAT: HEY, I’M NOT TRYING TO FLIP YOUR SHIT, OKAY?  
KARKAT: I’M JUST  
KARKAT: DOING WHAT I HAVE TO.  
KARKAT: WE’LL WORK ON IT, ALL RIGHT?  
KARKAT: THAT’S WHAT I’M HERE FOR, AND I’VE GOT SOME EXPERIENCE DEALING WITH EXACTLY THIS KIND OF SHIT.  
KARKAT: THIS IS SALVAGABLE.  
KARKAT: JUST DON’T BREAK ANYMORE RULES AND CLEAN UP YOUR ACT, GOT IT? 

GAMZEE: ...  
GAMZEE: honk. 

 


	13. Self-esteems

TAVROS: oH,  
TAVROS: yOU’RE HERE, 

JOHN: hi tavros!  
JOHN: you’re home early. 

TAVROS: uH, yES, tHAT’S TRUE,  
TAVROS: wHY, dO YOU KNOW ENOUGH ABOUT MY SCHEDULE TO MAKE THAT OBSERVATION, 

VRISKA: O8viously we’ve been hanging out.  
VRISKA: John’s usually gone before you get 8ack, since you hardly come home 8efore dawn.  
VRISKA: Was the Syndic8 low on work tonight or are you slacking off? 

TAVROS: uHHH,  
TAVROS: tHAT TOPIC, iS SUPPOSED TO BE ONE WE NEVER TALK ABOUT, 

VRISKA: Oh my god. Did Terezi tell you that?  
VRISKA: Why is she meddling so much lately?  
VRISKA: It’s starting to piss me off. 

TAVROS: nO,  
TAVROS: i MEAN, yES, sHE DID, bUT ALSO, i AGREE,  
TAVROS: mENTIONING THE SYNDICATE BY NAME, iS TOP SECRET INFORMATION, aND,  
TAVROS: oTHER PEOPLE KNOWING THOSE THINGS CAN GET ME IN A LOT OF TROUBLE, 

JOHN: don’t worry, i get it!  
JOHN: besides, we’re sworn to confidentiality, so you don’t need to worry about anything there.  
JOHN: your secret life of crime and intrigue is safe with me. 

TAVROS: i, aM SOMEHOW NOT MORE COMFORTABLE, hEARING THAT,  
TAVROS: vRISKA, dID YOU,  
TAVROS: tELL HIM ANYTHING ELSE, aBOUT THAT SUBJECT, 

VRISKA: Maaaaaaaay8e a thing or two. 

TAVROS: oKAY, tHAT SOUNDS BAD,  
TAVROS: wHAT THINGS, 

VRISKA: Calm down! You heard him. He’s totally sworn to secrecy. 

JOHN: yeah! in fact, i’m so sworn to secrecy that i’m not even going to tell you what she told me. 

TAVROS: wAIT, bUT, i ACTUALLY WANT THAT INFORMATION, 

JOHN: too bad! that’s confidential. 

TAVROS: bUT IT’S ABOUT ME, 

JOHN: my lips are sealed! 

VRISKA: Ha! See? Everything is fine.  
VRISKA: Relax for once and have a drink. 

TAVROS: nO, i DON’T WANT TO,  
TAVROS: tHAT IS, i DON’T APPRECIATE THIS, aND i DON’T WANT TO RELAX ABOUT IT, 

VRISKA: See what I mean, John?  
VRISKA: This is all I ever get from him anymore.  
VRISKA: He doesn’t appreciate anything I do! 

JOHN: well, to be fair, we were talking about him behind his back.  
JOHN: a lot. 

VRISKA: Yeah, 8ecause of this stupid lawyer 8ullshit!  
VRISKA: You know why I told him a8out the Syndic8, Tavros? 

TAVROS: uH,  
TAVROS: nO,  
TAVROS: wHY, 

VRISKA: 8ecause YOU made me out to 8e some kind of horrible, vile villain!  
VRISKA: Honestly, it’s like I’ve never done a thing for you in all our time together.  
VRISKA: It’s only fair that I get the chance to tell MY side of the story, right? 

TAVROS: uHH, 

VRISKA: Right.  
VRISKA: You get to have your pity party with your “medi8ors,” and I get to vent to mine.  
VRISKA: You were the one who brought him here, so don’t think you have the right to complain. 

JOHN: anyway, it’s good for us to hear all sides of the story.  
JOHN: we have to know what’s going on to mediate, right?  
JOHN: it’s better that we have as much information as we can so we can figure out how to come up with a good compromise for everyone. 

TAVROS: tHAT,  
TAVROS: oKAY,  
TAVROS: iF YOU SAY SO,  
TAVROS: bUT,  
TAVROS: dOES THAT MEAN, yOU COME HERE OFTEN, 

JOHN: well, yeah, often enough.  
JOHN: we told you i would be working with vriska, didn’t we? 

TAVROS: yES, yOU DID,  
TAVROS: bUT i DIDN’T KNOW YOU WOULD BE IN MY APARTMENT, tALKING WHEN i WASN’T HERE, 

VRISKA: What, did you want to monitor us?  
VRISKA: Did Terezi tell you to do that? 

TAVROS: nO, wHAT,  
TAVROS: i’M JUST WORRIED THAT rUFIOH WILL COME HOME, aND A STRANGE MAN WILL BE IN THE APARTMENT,  
TAVROS: tALKING TO AIR, bY ALL APPEARANCES, 

VRISKA: Tavros. I’m a LUCK DEMON.  
VRISKA: Your 8rother is not going to just stroll in while I’m talking to John.  
VRISKA: How do you keep forgetting a8out this? We’ve 8een working together for over a year now! 

TAVROS: oH, rIGHT,  
TAVROS: iT’S JUST HARD, tO IMAGINE ALL THE SCENARIOS THAT LUCK MAGIC CAN BE APPLIED TO,  
TAVROS: sO i KEEP FORGETTING TO THINK ABOUT THAT POSSIBILITY, 

VRISKA: John didn’t forget. 

JOHN: uh, actually, i totally forgot that he even had a brother. 

TAVROS: hA! sEE,  
TAVROS: hE’S NOT THAT GREAT, 

VRISKA: Tavros, in case you forgot, John has an actual functional relationship with his demon that doesn’t need outside meddlers to fix. 

TAVROS: yES, oKAY, tHAT IS TRUE,  
TAVROS: bUT THEY’RE JUST EMPLOYEES, wHO WORK TOGETHER IN AN AGENCY, uNLIKE US, wHO HAVE A REAL CONTRACT, 

JOHN: hey!  
JOHN: we’re real! 

VRISKA: It doesn’t matter how they made their contract, dingus.  
VRISKA: Have you seen the way they work?  
VRISKA: John KNOWS how to use his demon’s powers effectively, unlike some8ody I could mention.  
VRISKA: And John actually knows how to throw his demon a 8one every now and then without 8eing prompted! 

TAVROS: i DO THAT, 

VRISKA: No, you don’t. 

JOHN: okay, i’m just gonna jump in here before this gets too heated and say that karkat and i have different needs than you two do, so comparing our relationships maybe isn’t the best idea. 

TAVROS: yES, tHAT,  
TAVROS: i AGREE, 

VRISKA: Fine.  
VRISKA: 8ut I think we can 8oth agree, John, that we’re not going to get much talking done while Tavros is here.  
VRISKA: You know how he is. Always complaining and moping and whining.  
VRISKA: How a8out we call it a night and meet again l8r? 

JOHN: okay...yeah.  
JOHN: i guess i’ll see you both later, then? 

TAVROS: yEAH, bYE, 

JOHN: bye! 

VRISKA: Hm.  
VRISKA: Jealous? 

TAVROS: uH, wHAT,  
TAVROS: nO, tHAT’S NOT,  
TAVROS: i JUST, DON’T LIKE HOW YOU TALK TO HIM, aBOUT ME, aND US,  
TAVROS: yOU’RE MISREPRESENTING OUR RELATIONSHIP, 

VRISKA: I’M misrepresenting our relationship???????? 

TAVROS: yEAH, bY MAKING IT SEEM LIKE, yOU’RE ALWAYS THE GOOD GUY, aND i’M THE BAD GUY,  
TAVROS: bY WAY OF SAYING THAT i DON’T FEED YOU UNLESS YOU MAKE ME TO, oR BY SAYING i DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOUR POWERS,  
TAVROS: i DO, tHEY’RE JUST HARD, 

VRISKA: Tavros, the only one here misrepresenting our relationship is you.  
VRISKA: I don’t know how, 8ut you seem to have conveniently forgotten everything I’ve done for you since Terezi convinced you to 8e in cahoots with her.  
VRISKA: Don’t you remem8er what you were without me?  
VRISKA: A poor, dum8, crippled 8oy, fresh out of high school with no discerna8le skill sets or future prospects, 8umming off your charita8le 8rother who could hardly put food on the table.  
VRISKA: I healed you! I got you out of the house and into the real world! I brought you money!  
VRISKA: You have POWER AND WEALTH 8ecause of me!  
VRISKA: And what do I get in return? A whole lot of nothing!  
VRISKA: A 8unch of 8itching and moaning and a couple of conniving lawyers 8reathing down my neck.  
VRISKA: Just 8e honest with yourself for a second in your life, Tavros. I know it’s hard, since you like your fantasy fairy tale 8ullshit so much.  
VRISKA: What would you willingly do to feed me if I weren’t leading you by a leash through your adult life? How would you sin if I didn’t set up your sins for you? 

TAVROS: uHHH, 

VRISKA: Exactly!  
VRISKA: You can listen to Terezi all you want a8out it, 8ut the problem here is YOU, not me. 

TAVROS: nO, i,  
TAVROS: i DON’T AGREE, aT ALL,  
TAVROS: yOU ASK FOR TOO MUCH, aND YOU GO TOO FAR,  
TAVROS: i WOULD FEED YOU, mAYBE LIKE HOW jOHN FEEDS kARKAT, wITH BAD FEELINGS THAT CAUSE LESS HARM,  
TAVROS: i WOULD DO THAT, bUT YOU WANT MORE, bECAUSE YOU’RE,  
TAVROS: tOO DEMANDING, aND UNREASONABLE,  
TAVROS: aND i WON’T LET YOU TRICK ME, iNTO THINKING OTHERWISE,  
TAVROS: oR INTO FEELING GUILTY ABOUT NOT HAVING THE AMOUNT OF APPRECIATION YOU SAY i SHOULD, fOR BAD THINGS THAT MAKE ME FEEL HORRIBLE,  
TAVROS: i’VE BEEN LEARNING FROM jADE AND dAVE AND tEREZI, aBOUT HOW TO NOT BE TRICKED,  
TAVROS: aND NOW i’M GOING TO PUT MY FOOT DOWN, iN A CONFIDENT AND ASSERTIVE MANNER,  
TAVROS: tO SAY THAT i DON’T LIKE THIS BEHAVIOR, aND,  
TAVROS: pROBABLY WON’T STAND FOR IT, sOMEHOW, 

VRISKA: I’m honestly shocked those losers actually managed to teach you anything.  
VRISKA: Not that they’re right, of course. 8ut I have to say, I’m impressed you’re actually standing up for yourself!  


TAVROS: tHANK YOU,  
TAVROS: aND THEY’RE NOT LOSERS, 

VRISKA: You only think so 8ecause you’re an idiot, and you can’t see people the way I do.  
VRISKA: 8ut I’m not in the mood to spell it out for you, so I’ll let you live in your clueless world. I guess that particular personality trait of yours can 8e endearing now and then.  
VRISKA: While we’re on the subject, and since it’s far less likely to result in a headache for me...  
VRISKA: How are things with the angelic duo? 

TAVROS: iT’S, bEEN OKAY,  
TAVROS: i LIKE THEM A LOT,  
TAVROS: bUT i THINK WE SHOULD KEEP TALKING ABOUT THE PROBLEM WE WERE MENTIONING EARLER, aND RESOLVE IT,  
TAVROS: uNLESS, yOU’RE WILLING TO SAY YOU AGREE WITH MY NEW DEMANDS, 

VRISKA: You like them, don’t you? 

TAVROS: uHH,  
TAVROS: yES, i DO, bUT, 

VRISKA: You know, I do think this is a good opportunity for you.  
VRISKA: It’s 8een a while since you’ve 8een this interested in new people.  
VRISKA: With a little LUCK, I could set you up. :::;) 

TAVROS: oH, mY GOD, nO,  
TAVROS: i DON’T WANT YOU TO USE LUCK MAGIC, tO CAUSE ME TO ENTER INTO ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS,  
TAVROS: tHAT HAS NEVER WORKED, iN A WAY THAT DIDN’T END BADLY FOR ME, 

VRISKA: It’s not my fault you suck at relationships. 

TAVROS: nO, iT IS,  
TAVROS: bECAUSE i NEVER WANT THEM, wHEN YOU DECIDE TO MAKE THEM FOR ME,  
TAVROS: yOU ALWAYS USE YOUR LUCK MAGIC, wHEN i’M NOT READY, oR WHEN THE SITUATION BENEFITS YOU MORE THAN ME,  
TAVROS: i DON’T LIKE IT WHEN YOU USE YOUR MAGIC WITHOUT MY PERMISSION,  
TAVROS: fROM NOW ON, i WANT YOU TO NOT USE IT UNLESS i TELL YOU TO, oR HAVE ASKED YOU TO, 

VRISKA: Okay. This is getting old.  
VRISKA: Who’s the demon here? 

TAVROS: yOU, aRE, 

VRISKA: Damn right. And who has the magic? 

TAVROS: yOU DO, 

VRISKA: Right! And as the demon with the magic, I’ll use it whenever I damn well please, with or without your “permission.”  
VRISKA: I don’t need to ask you for shit.  
VRISKA: The one who needs to ask favors here is you, Tavros, because you’re the one who doesn’t have anything!  
VRISKA: Is that clear? 

TAVROS: i, uNDERSTAND YOUR LOGIC, aND IT SEEMS, sOUND ENOUGH ON THE SURFACE,  
TAVROS: bUT ALSO, dEMONS ARE SUPPOSED TO USE THEIR MAGIC FOR THEIR HUMANS,  
TAVROS: tHAT’S PART OF THE CONTRACT, 

VRISKA: And did you read the contract? 

TAVROS: i,  
TAVROS: nO, 

VRISKA: So how would you know what’s in the contract? 

TAVROS: tEREZI TOLD ME,  
TAVROS: aND jADE, aND kANAYA,  
TAVROS: aLSO jOHN, 

VRISKA: Have THEY read our contract? 

TAVROS: uHH, pROBABLY,  
TAVROS: i MEAN, yES, dEFINITELY, oBVIOUSLY THEY DID, 

VRISKA: Alright, this is 8eginning to piss me off.  
VRISKA: I really thought you had a lot of potential when I met you. I really did! And I have done nothing 8ut strive to help you meet that potential.  
VRISKA: I mean, look at you now! You’re part of an internationally infamous mafia that has a full monopoly on the criminal activity in the city.  
VRISKA: It’s 8asically an empire! You could get literally anything you want. Anything, with nothing more than a snap of the fingers.  
VRISKA: I am offering you everything anyone could want or hope for. Financial security. Respect. A good lover. Freedom from 8odily restraints. And what do you want to do?  
VRISKA: This. Lie to me. Try to twist the terms of our contract, a contract you didn’t even read. Push me around and tell me what to do. Ignore everything I’ve done for you and ask for more.  
VRISKA: Meanwhile, you’re just sitting around on your ungracious ass, playing video games and twiddling your thum8s like a chump!  
VRISKA: You’re stupid, clueless, worthless, devoid of ambition and a sense of greater purpose, and, to top it all off, you’re so gulli8le that you let these no8odies tell you how to conduct your 8usiness!  
VRISKA: If you look at the grander scheme of things, their lives should 8e resting squarely in the palms of your hands, 8ut you’re still somehow eating out of theirs!  
VRISKA: It’s 8ecoming painfully clear to me that I could open the doors to paradise itself and you would STILL somehow amount to nothing.  
VRISKA: You’re a 8orn failure, and I’ve 8een doing my 8est to save you from yourself to no avail.  
VRISKA: You’re a waste of my time. Plain and simple!  
VRISKA: And now, here you are, trying to tell ME how to do MY job 8ecause it’s not meeting YOUR standards?  
VRISKA: I think it’s time you start to realize who you’re DEALING WITH! 

TAVROS: i, uH, dON’T,  
TAVROS: i MEAN, nO, i WON’T LISTEN,  
TAVROS: eVERYTHING YOU’RE SAYING RIGHT NOW, iS JUST, wRONG, oR AT LEAST, mISLEADING, tO GET ME TO SUBMIT TO YOUR, aDMITTEDLY STRONG AND INTIMIDATING WILL,  
TAVROS: bUT i’VE BEEN WORKING ON MY SELF-ESTEEM, wITH THE HELP OF MY NEW FRIENDS,  
TAVROS: aND i WON’T BELIEVE THE BAD THINGS YOU SAY ABOUT ME,  
TAVROS: oR THE FAULTY LOGIC YOU USE, tO MAKE ME SEEM LIKE THE BAD GUY, wHEN,  
TAVROS: i THINK YOU’RE THE BAD GUY, 

VRISKA: Oh, so I’M the 8ad guy, huh?  
VRISKA: I’M the FUCKING 8AD GUY????????  
VRISKA: If I’m such a 8ad guy, why are you still sticking around?  
VRISKA: Why do you even PUT UP with me, if you’re such a good guy?  
VRISKA: May I remind you that YOU’RE the one who SIGNED A CONTRACT WITH A F8CKING DEM8N???????? 

TAVROS: aND, iF YOU DON’T STOP BEING SO BOSSY AND OVERBEARING,  
TAVROS: i CAN TERMINATE IT,  


VRISKA: Termin8 it?  
VRISKA: Don’t make me laugh!  
VRISKA: We 8oth know you’re in too deep and you’re too much of a coward to pull out now.  
VRISKA: You NEED me! 

TAVROS: nO, yOU’RE WRONG,  
TAVROS: iF yOU PUSH ME TO IT,  
TAVROS: i’LL TAKE MY CHANCES! 

GAMZEE: bro, i got something to 

GAMZEE: UH  
GAMZEE: what the motherfuck  


VRISKA: Oh, Gamzee!  
VRISKA: Just who I wanted to see! 


	14. Playing 8y the Rules

VRISKA: How fucking D8RE he!

VRISKA: 8reak a contract? With ME? Does he even know who he’s DEALING with?  
VRISKA: Like hell he will! He doesn’t have the 8alls for it.  
VRISKA: He won’t go through with it. He can’t.  
VRISKA: He needs me too much!  
VRISKA: Fuck.  
VRISKA: This has Terezi written all over it. Why is she meddling so much all of a sudden?  
VRISKA: I’ve done nothing 8ut make her life 8etter!  
VRISKA: She won close to $5,000 at that casino the other night 8ecause of me!  
VRISKA: And she caught that one criminal she was looking for the other day. What was that guy’s name?  


GAMZEE: honk. 

VRISKA: Well, whatever.  
VRISKA: I just don’t get it. What’s her deal? What does she WANT?  
VRISKA: You’ve 8een with her longer. What’s her deal? 

GAMZEE: HONK. 

VRISKA: We’re going to have to do something 8efore this lawyer 8ullshit gets out of hand.  
VRISKA: Can you imagine how much it would suck if they ACTUALLY 8roke our contracts?  
VRISKA: Talk a8out a 8ad 8reak!  
VRISKA: I’ve sunk a lot of time and energy into these losers.  
VRISKA: May8e if we just killed the interlopers...  
VRISKA: 8ut I like John...that might have to 8e Plan 8.  
VRISKA: And Terezi doesn’t want to swap contracts...  
VRISKA: Damn it, if they hadn’t spilled the 8eans a8out that, we could’ve had it made!  
VRISKA: Then I could reap the 8enefits of Tavros’s gang activity without listening to him whine all the time.  
VRISKA: AND we wouldn’t 8e walking on eggshells to protect our contracts.  
VRISKA: I can’t 8elieve there are people out there who actually CARE a8out the rules enough to partner with humans and ENFORCE them. 

GAMZEE: uh...  
GAMZEE: ABOUT THE RULES.  
GAMZEE: i ain’t about to be breaking them no more.  
GAMZEE: KARKAT’S GOT MY MIND ON CALLING IT MOTHERFUCKING QUITS ON THESE WICKED MOTHERFUCKING CONTRACTS. 

VRISKA: WHAT?  
VRISKA: Are you fucking KIDDING ME?  
VRISKA: You AGREE WITH THEM???????? 

GAMZEE: yeah.  
GAMZEE: I GOT IT INTO MY MOTHERFUCKIN HEAD THAT I COULD BE ABOUT KNOWING MY BRO THROUGH A CONTRACT LIKE IT AIN’T A REAL THING.  
GAMZEE: but karkat was all telling me how things up and fucking work with shit like this.  
GAMZEE: I FUCKED UP  
GAMZEE: and i don’t wanna hurt my bro no more because of what shit i did when not following the motherfucking rules. 

VRISKA: I can’t 8ELIEVE this!  
VRISKA: Now YOU’RE in cahoots with the 8acksta88ing 8rigade?  
VRISKA: You’re just going to CALL IT QUITS N8W???????? 

GAMZEE: YEAH.  
GAMZEE: i motherfucking am. 

VRISKA: Fine. FINE! You want to play 8y the fucking RULES?  
VRISKA: I can play 8y the rules!  
VRISKA: And I happen to know, 8eing the avid rule-follower that I am, that a demon can only have ONE human contracted to them at a time!  
VRISKA: So you want to follow the rules? Take your pick!  
VRISKA: Which human do you want?  


GAMZEE: ... 

VRISKA: Well? What’s wrong?  
VRISKA: Suddenly the rules don’t seem so fucking gr8, do they?  
VRISKA: It’s hard to pick just one of them, isn’t it? 

GAMZEE: ...  
GAMZEE: Tavros. 

VRISKA: Okay. Fine. Whatever! Take him, see if I care!  
VRISKA: 8ut mark my fucking words.

VRISKA: If I catch you anywhere near Terezi or influencing her life...  
VRISKA: I WILL PUNISH YOU PERSONALLY.  
VRISKA: Say your final good8yes and 8e gone. 


	15. Gone




	16. 8lood pact

TAVROS: sO, hE’S LEAVING, aND NEVER COMING BACK,  
TAVROS: iS WHAT HE TOLD YOU, 

TEREZI: Y34H 

TAVROS: aND, iN DOING SO,  
TAVROS: hE,,,bROKE YOUR CONTACT, pERMANENTLY, ? 

TEREZI: 4PP4R3NTLY NOT  
TEREZI: 1 C4LL3D K4N4Y4 4BOUT 1T 4ND SH3 S41D TH4T D3MONS C4NT BR34K CONTR4CTS BY D3CL4R1NG TH3M NULL1F13D 4NY MOR3 TH4N HUM4NS C4N  
TEREZI: 1 GU3SS 1 SHOULD H4V3 F1GUR3D 4S MUCH WH3N 1 D1DNT GO BL1ND 4FT3R H3 L3FT  
TEREZI: 4ND WH3N H1S S1GN D1DNT D1S4PP34R  
TEREZI: BUT 1 W4SNT TH1NK1NG CL34RLY  
TEREZI: WH1CH...YOU PROB4BLY NOT1C3D WH3N 1 C4LL3D 

TAVROS: yEAH, uH, tHAT WAS UNEXPECTED, aND i WAS REALLY WORRIED,  
TAVROS: bUT i GUESS NOW WE KNOW THAT IT WAS JUST A FALSE ALARM, aND THAT EVERYTHING IS MOSTLY STILL FINE,  
TAVROS: ,,,rIGHT? 

TEREZI: ...  
TEREZI: ........  
TEREZI: H3S R34LLY N3V3R COM1NG B4CK  
TEREZI: 1S H3 

TAVROS: uH,,,  
TAVROS: i DON’T KNOW,  
TAVROS: hE HASN’T TALKED TO ME YET, sINCE YOU CALLED, 

TEREZI: *SOB* 

TAVROS: oH, wOW, uH,  
TAVROS: oKAY, tHERE THERE,  
TAVROS: iT’S GOING TO BE ALRIGHT,  
TAVROS: pROBABLY, eVEN THOUGH,  
TAVROS: i DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU’RE CRYING, 

TEREZI: 1 DONT KNOW WH4T 1 D1D!  
TEREZI: WHY D1D H3 JUST L34V3 L1K3 TH4T?  


TAVROS: bUT, uH, dIDN’T YOU,  
TAVROS: wANT HIM TO LEAVE,  
TAVROS: aS IN, tO NOT BE IN YOUR LIFE ANYMORE, lIKE YOU SAID TO rOSE, 

TEREZI: 1 D1DNT W4NT H1M TO JUST  
TEREZI: THROW M3 4W4Y L1K3 TH4T!  
TEREZI: 1 W4NT3D H1M TO B3 GON3 ON MY T3RMS WH3N 1 W4S R34DY  
TEREZI: NOT TH1S  
TEREZI: 1 N3V3R THOUGHT SOM3TH1NG L1K3 TH1S WOULD H4PP3N  
TEREZI: GOD 1 F33L SO P4TH3T1C 

TAVROS: uH, tHAT,  
TAVROS: dOESN’T MAKE MUCH SENSE TO ME, bUT,  
TAVROS: i’LL TRY TO UNDERSTAND YOUR EMOTIONS, aND BE PRESENT TO SUPPORT YOU FOR AS LONG AS YOU NEED IT, 

TEREZI: TH4NKS T4VROS 

TAVROS: iT’S THE LEAST i CAN DO, aFTER EVERYTHING YOU’VE DONE FOR ME,  
TAVROS: tHAT SAID, dO YOU WANT ANYTHING TO COMFORT YOU,  
TAVROS: lIKE CHOCOLATE, oR ALCOHOL,  
TAVROS: aLCOHOL MIGHT NOT BE THE BEST ANSWER, bUT i CAN STILL GO GET SOME,  
TAVROS: a MODERATE AMOUNT, tHAT IS, 

TEREZI: NO  
TEREZI: ST4Y H3R3  
TEREZI: YOUR3 COMFORT 3NOUGH R1GHT NOW  
TEREZI: 4T L34ST TH3N 1 KNOW G4MZ33 1SNT H4V1NG 4 GR4ND T1M3 4T YOUR PL4C3 WH1L3 1M F4LL1NG 4P4RT 

TAVROS: oH, gOOD THINKING,  
TAVROS: iF YOU WANT, i CAN GIVE HIM SOME SPACE, uNTIL YOU RECOVER, 

TEREZI: UGH NO  
TEREZI: TH4TD JUST M4K3 M3 F33L MOR3 P4TH3T1C  
TEREZI: C4N W3 STOP T4LK1NG 4BOUT H1M  
TEREZI: VR1SK4 W4S R1GHT  
TEREZI: MY R3L4T1ONSH1P W1TH H1M 1S TOX1C  
TEREZI: YOU M3 G4MZ33 VR1SK4  
TEREZI: TH3 SYND1C4T3  
TEREZI: MY WHOL3 C4R33R  
TEREZI: 3V3RYTH1NG 1S 4 N1GHTM4R3  
TEREZI: HOW D1D 1 L3T TH1S H4PP3N 

TAVROS: i DON’T THINK, yOU SHOULD PUT PRESSURE ON YOURSELF THAT WAY,  
TAVROS: bY TELLING YOURSELF THAT YOU COULD’VE DONE SOMETHING TO PREVENT THIS,  
TAVROS: i’M AT FAULT, tOO, aFTER ALL,  
TAVROS: aND PART OF YOUR PRESENT PREDICAMENT, aND THE RESULTING GRIEF YOU’RE FEELING,  
TAVROS: iS BECAUSE OF MY FOOLISHNESS AND NATURAL GULLIBILITY, rEMEMBER, 

TEREZI: W3 W3R3 BOTH FOOL1SH  
TEREZI: W3RE 1D1OTS WHO C4N H4RDLY S4V3 OURS3LV3S FROM OUR OWN M1ST4K3S  
TEREZI: WE SHOULD JUST 4SK ROS3 TO G3T 1T OV3R W1TH 4ND D3STROY OUR CONTR4CTS  
TEREZI: M4YB3 TH3N TH1NGS C4N GO B4CK TO TH3 W4Y TH3Y W3R3 B3FOR3 4NY OF TH1S 3V3R H4PP3N3D 

TAVROS: wAS IT,  
TAVROS: a LOT BETTER FOR YOU, bEFORE ALL THIS HAPPENED? 

TEREZI: 1 DONT KNOW  
TEREZI: 1 C4N H4RDLY R3M3MB3R 4NYMOR3 WH4T 1 W4S L1K3 B3FOR3 1 B3C4M3 L1K3 TH1S  
TEREZI: 1 SUR3 4S H3LL W4SNT 4 GR34T P3RSON  
TEREZI: 3V3N 4S 4 K1D 1 W4S M4N1PUL4T1V3 4ND M3RC1L3SS 4S LONG 4S 1 COULD JUST1FY WH4T 1 W4S DO1NG  
TEREZI: M4YB3 1T SHOULDV3 B33N 4 R3D FL4G WH3N 1 ST4RT3D H4NG1NG MY STUFF3D 4N1M4LS  
TEREZI: 1 PROB4BLY D3S3RV3D 4 D3MON L1K3 G4MZ33 4LL 4LONG  
TEREZI: 4ND H3 D1D G3T M3 WH3R3 1 W4NT3D TO B3  
TEREZI: 1 W4S TH3 ON3 WHO W4NT3D TH4T POW3R 3V3N 1F 1T W4S FOR WH4T 1 CONS1D3R3D TO B3 4 JUST1F14BL3 R34SON  
TEREZI: 4ND 1 DO M4K3 4 K1CK4SS POL1C3 OFF1C3R  
TEREZI: 1 WOULDV3 M4D3 4N 3V3N B3TT3R L4WY3R 1F 1 H4DNT GOTT3N K1CK3D OUT OF L4W SCHOOL  
TEREZI: M4YB3 TH4T W4S WH3N TH1NGS W3NT WRONG  
TEREZI: 3V3R S1NC3 1 BL3W 1T 4S 4 L4WY3R 1 GU3SS 1 N3V3R F3LT L1KE 1 W4S GOOD 3NOUGH  
TEREZI: TH4TS PROB4BLY WHY 1 W4S SO DR4WN TO G4MZ33  
TEREZI: 1 R34LLY W4S 4N 1D1OT 

TAVROS: nO, i DON’T THINK THAT MAKES YOU AN IDIOT,  
TAVROS: i UNDERSTAND, iN SOME WAYS, wHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO FEEL LIKE THAT,  
TAVROS: i, hAD REASONS TO SIGN VRISKA’S CONTRACT, tHAT WERE RELATED TO BAD FEELINGS ABOUT MYSELF,  
TAVROS: bEING CRIPPLED, aND IN A WHEELCHAIR,  
TAVROS: iT MADE ME UNABLE TO DO MANY THINGS, lIKE STAND, oR NAVIGATE COMMON URBAN OBSTACLES,  
TAVROS: aND DUE TO OUR, fINANCIAL CIRCUMSTANCES, aND MY NOT PARTICULARLY NOTEWORTHY PERFORMANCE IN SCHOOL, pURSUING HIGHER EDUCATION BECAME A THING i DIDN’T DO,  
TAVROS: aND i DIDN’T HAVE REMARKABLE TALENTS OR ATTRIBUTES, tHAT COULD BE MARKETABLE IN A SIGNIFICANT WAY,  
TAVROS: sO i GENERALLY DIDN’T FIND GOOD JOBS, aND TRANSPORTATION TO THEM WAS OFTEN DIFFICULT,  
TAVROS: aS A RESULT, mY SELF ESTEEM WASN’T VERY HIGH, uSUALLY,  
TAVROS: aND i WAS AFRAID THAT MY FRIENDS, hAVING BEEN EXPOSED TOO MUCH TO MY INSECURITIES, wOULD BEGIN TO LIKE ME LESS, oR THINK THAT i WAS TOO MUCH TROUBLE,  
TAVROS: i JUST DIDN’T WANT TO BE A BURDEN, oR TO DISLIKE MYSELF ANYMORE,  
TAVROS: sO SIGNING A CONTRACT WITH A DEMON, wHO PROMISED i WOULD BE ABLE TO FIX THOSE THINGS,  
TAVROS: iT SEEMED LIKE THE LOGICAL THING TO DO,  
TAVROS: i DIDN’T WANT ANY OF THE REST OF THESE THINGS THAT HAPPENED, aS A RESULT OF THAT DECISION, 

TEREZI: Y34H  
TEREZI: 1TS NOT 34SY B31NG POOR 4ND D1S4BL3D 1N TH1S H3LLHOL3  
TEREZI: NOT TH4T 1V3 3V3R B33N POOR  
TEREZI: BUT 1V3 H4D MY F41R SH4R3 OF FRUSTR4T1ONS W1TH TH3 L4CK OF 1NFRASTRUCTURE SUPPORT FOR D1S4B1L1T1ES 

TAVROS: bECAUSE OF YOUR PREVIOUS BLINDNESS? 

TEREZI: Y34H  


TAVROS: iS,  
TAVROS: tHAT WHY YOU DIDN’T FINISH LAW SCHOOL? 

TEREZI: NO  
TEREZI: 1 GOT 3XP3LL3D B3C4US3 1 K3PT S4BOT4G1NG MY R1V4LS 4ND SOM3ON3 R4TT3D M3 OUT  
TEREZI: 1TS 4 LONG STORY  
TEREZI: 4 L1TTL3 BLOODY  
TEREZI: W3 DONT N33D TO G3T 1NTO 1T R1GHT NOW 

TAVROS: oH, oKAY, tHAT MAKES SENSE, 

TEREZI: BUT TH3 PO1NT 1S TH4T 1 G3T 1T  
TEREZI: M4YB3 1T M4K3S S3NS3 TH4T YOU S1GN3D W1TH VR1SK4  
TEREZI: 1T W4S ST1LL 4 M1ST4K3 BUT 4T L34ST 1T W4S 4 R34SON4BL3 M1ST4K3  
TEREZI: 1 DONT TH1NK YOU H4V3 TO B34T YOURS3LF UP 4BOUT B31NG FOOL1SH OR GULL1BL3 WH3N 1 B3T 4 LOT OF OTH3R P3OPL3 WOULD H4V3 DON3 TH3 S4M3 TH1NG  
TEREZI: B3S1D3S VR1SK4 H4S 4 PR3TTY UND3N14BL3 FORC3 OF P3RSON4L1TY TH4T 1SNT 34SY TO R3FUS3 

TAVROS: yEAH,  
TAVROS: tHANKS, fOR THAT REASSURANCE,  
TAVROS: i DON’T KNOW IF i BELIEVE IT COMPLETELY, bUT IT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER ANYWAY,  
TAVROS: i THINK YOUR REASONS SOUND UNDERSTANDABLE AS WELL,  
TAVROS: gIVEN WHAT SURELY MUST BE AN ISSUE OF SELF ESTEEMS, aCCORDING TO THE CLUES YOU’VE TOLD ME,  
TAVROS: wHICH i KNOW TO BE DIFFICULT TO MANAGE, 

TEREZI: TH3YR3 NOT UND3RST4ND4BL3  
TEREZI: BUT TH4NKS FOR TH1NK1NG SO 4NYW4Y  
TEREZI: 1TS SOM3TH1NG 1M GO1NG TO H4V3 TO F1GUR3 OUT WH3N TH1NGS GO B4CK TO TH3 W4Y TH3Y W3R3 B3FOR3  
TEREZI: SOM3HOW 

TAVROS: uH, cONCERNING THAT,  
TAVROS: wHAT, aRE WE GOING TO DO,  
TAVROS: wHEN THINGS GO BACK TO THE WAY BEFORE,  
TAVROS: iF THE WAY THINGS WERE BEFORE, wERE THE REASONS WE SIGNED THE CONTRACTS IN THE FIRST PLACE,  
TAVROS: aND WITH ALL THE NEW COMPLICATIONS HAPPENING NOW, tHAT WEREN’T A CONCERN THEN,  
TAVROS: lIKE YOUR JOB, aND,  
TAVROS: tHE SYNDICATE,  
TAVROS: i STILL DON’T KNOW, hOW WE’RE GOING TO BE OKAY,  
TAVROS: hAVE YOU,  
TAVROS: cOME UP WITH A PLAN ABOUT THAT YET, oR, 

TEREZI: UH  
TEREZI: NOT 3X4CTLY 

TAVROS: oH, 

TEREZI: BUT 1 TH1NK T4LK1NG TO J4D3 4ND D4V3 4BOUT 1T H4S H3LP3D  
TEREZI: 1 KNOW H4LF OF WH4T TH3Y S4Y 1S JUST ST4ND4RD PSYCHOLOGY BS ROS3 T4UGHT TH3M  
TEREZI: BUT W3 DO N33D TO F1GUR3 OUT OUR SH1T B3FOR3 W3 C4N B3 TOT4LLY FR33 OF OUR D3MONS 1NFLU3NC3  
TEREZI: OR 4NY D3MONS  
TEREZI: 1F W3 DONT W4NT TH1S TOX1C BULLSH1T TO TURN 1NTO 4 S3LF SUST41N1NG CYCL3 W3 H4V3 TO L34RN HOW BR34K 4W4Y 4ND F1X OURS3LV3S 

TAVROS: sUCH AS, bY GAINING THE SELF ESTEEMS? 

TEREZI: Y3S 3X4CTLY 

TAVROS: yESSS, oKAY, tHAT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD PLAN,  
TAVROS: hOW DO YOU RECOMMEND WE START? 

TEREZI: YOUR GU3SS 1S 4S GOOD 4S M1N3  


TAVROS: oH, 

TEREZI: GOD  
TEREZI: LOOK 4T US  
TEREZI: W3 C4NT 3V3N F1GUR3 OUT HOW TO L1K3 OURS3LV3S  
TEREZI: NO WOND3R W3R3 SO D3P3ND3NT ON 4 P41R OF D3MONS  
TEREZI: 4ND 4PP4R3NTLY 3V3N TH3Y C4NT ST4ND US  
TEREZI: >:[ 

TAVROS: uH, wELL,  
TAVROS: i LIKE YOU, a LOT,  
TAVROS: iF THAT’S WORTH ANYTHING, 

TEREZI: Y34H  
TEREZI: 1 L1K3 YOU TOO T4VROS 

TAVROS: sO, aT LEAST THERE’S THAT,  
TAVROS: }:) 

TEREZI: Y34H  
TEREZI: Y34H 4T L34ST TH3R3S TH4T  
TEREZI: YOU KNOW WH4T T4VROS?  
TEREZI: FUCK 1T 

TAVROS: fUCK IT,,,? 

TEREZI: 3X4CTLY  
TEREZI: 1F W3 C4NT F1X OURS3LV3S L3TS F1X 34CH OTH3R  
TEREZI: W3 4LR34DY GOT 34CH OTH3RS B4CKS  
TEREZI: W3V3 B33N F1GHT1NG TH1S B4TTL3 TOG3TH3R FOR OV3R 4 Y34R NOW  
TEREZI: W3 C4N K33P 34CH OTH3R STRONG WH1L3 W3 NULL1FY TH3S3 CONTR4CTS  
TEREZI: 4ND WH3N TH3YR3 GON3 W3 C4N PROT3CT 4ND SUPPORT 34CH OTH3R  
TEREZI: YOU C4N ST4Y W1TH M3 WH1L3 YOU H1D3 OUT FROM TH3 SYND1C4TE  
TEREZI: 1M 4 COP 4ND 1 C4N K33P YOU S4F3  
TEREZI: 4ND YOU C4N K33P M3 FROM DO1NG 4NYTH1NG STUP1D OR S3LF D3F34T1NG  
TEREZI: W3LL B3 OUR OWN D3F3ND3RS  
TEREZI: W3 DONT N33D D3MONS  
TEREZI: W3LL M4K3 OUR OWN CONTR4CT 

TAVROS: oUR OWN CONTRACT,  
TAVROS: lIKE, a MAGICAL ONE, bECAUSE i’M NOT REALLY SURE i KNOW HOW TO DO THAT, 

TEREZI: NO NOT 4 M4G1C4L ON3 DUMMY  
TEREZI: W3R3 HUM4NS  
TEREZI: W3LL M4K3 4 HUM4N CONTR4CT  
TEREZI: W3LL B3...BLOOD S1BL1NGS  
TEREZI: >:] 

TAVROS: bLOOD SIBLINGS,  
TAVROS: aS IN, uH,  
TAVROS: wHAT DO YOU MEAN, 

TEREZI: 4S 1N L1K3 TH1S 

TAVROS: oH, wHOA, uH, iS THAT,  
TAVROS: rEALLY NECESSARY, 

TEREZI: Y3S  
TEREZI: G1V3 M3 YOUR H4ND 

TAVROS: cANT WE BE,  
TAVROS: sPIT SIBLINGS, oR SOMETHING MORE,  
TAVROS: nOT PAINFUL, 

TEREZI: NO  
TEREZI: YOU KNOW WH4T TH3Y S4Y T4VROS  
TEREZI: TH3 BLOOD OF TH3 COV3N4NT 1S TH1CK3R TH4N TH3 W4T3R OF TH3 WOMB  
TEREZI: OR TH3 S1GN4TUR3 OF TH3 CONTR4CT 1N OUR C4S3  
TEREZI: H3R3 1TLL HURT L3SS 1F YOU DO 1T  
TEREZI: TRUST M3 T4VROS  
TEREZI: OUR SP1R1TU4L UN1ON 4S CONF1D3NC3 4FF1RM1NG P4RTN3RS W1LL B3 STRONG3R 1F W3 C3M3NT OUR P4CT 1N BLOODY R1TU4L 

TAVROS: uH,  
TAVROS: iF, yOU SAY SO, 

TEREZI: 1T DO3SNT N33D TO B3 D33P  
TEREZI: JUST 4 L1TTL3 CUT ON YOUR THUMB 1S F1N3 

TAVROS: nO,  
TAVROS: iF, yOU’RE GOING TO ENTRUST YOUR WELLBEING TO ME,  
TAVROS: aND OFFER TO PROTECT MY WELLBEING AS WELL,  
TAVROS: i’M NOT GOING TO LET YOU DOWN, bY BEING A COWARD, aND DOING LESS THAN YOU DO,  
TAVROS: iF WE’RE IN THIS TOGETHER, lIKE YOU SAY WE ARE,  
TAVROS: tHEN i’M GOING TO TAKE THIS BLOOD RITUAL, aS YOU CALLED IT, sERIOUSLY,  
TAVROS: sO, uH,  
TAVROS: ,,, 

TEREZI: GOOD JOB T4VROS  
TEREZI: TH4T W4S V3RY HONOR4BL3 4ND D3C1D3DLY NOT COW4RDLY OF YOU 

TAVROS: tHANKS, 

TEREZI: NOW  
TEREZI: W41T YOU DONT H4V3 4NY BLOOD D1S34S3S DO YOU 

TAVROS: uH, nO,  
TAVROS: dO YOU, 

TEREZI: NOP3  
TEREZI: SO L3TS SH4K3 ON 1T 

TAVROS: uH,  
TAVROS: oKAY, 

TEREZI: DONT P4SS OUT 

TAVROS: nO, i’M FINE, i REALLY AM,  
TAVROS: iT’S JUST,  
TAVROS: a LITTLE GROSS, 

TEREZI: Y34H 1T 1S  
TEREZI: 1 K1ND OF L1K3 1T 

TAVROS: uHHHH, 

TEREZI: 1TS L1K3 1V3 GOT 4 B1T OF YOU NOW  
TEREZI: 4ND YOUV3 GOT 4 B1T OF M3  
TEREZI: TH1S 1S STRONG3R TH4N 4 D3MON CONTR4CT OK4Y  
TEREZI: 1F YOU B3L13V3 1N TH4T 4S H4RD 4S YOU C4N 1TLL B3 TRU3 

TAVROS: yESSS,  
TAVROS: i’M WILLING TO BELIEVE IN THAT, wITH ALL OF MY CAPACITY FOR BELIEVING 1N THINGS THAT AREN’T SUBJECTIVELY REAL, 

TEREZI: M3 TOO  
TEREZI: FORG3T G4MZ33  
TEREZI: 1V3 GOT 4 B3TT3R TH1NG GO1NG FOR M3 NOW  
TEREZI: >:] 

TAVROS: yESS,  
TAVROS: aND i’LL DO WHATEVER i CAN TO SUPPORT YOUR EMOTIONAL RECOVERY,  
TAVROS: }:) 

TEREZI: TH4NKS T4VROS  
TEREZI: 1 R34LLY M34N 1T 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not support the use of unsettling blood rituals to strengthen personal relationship or solve problems.


	17. Magic Meddling

KARKAT: WHAT?  
KARKAT: GODDAMN IT, WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS BUTTING YOUR BUCK-TOOTHED FACE INTO MY MAGIC AT EXACTLY THE POINT IN TIME WHEN I LEAST NEED TO WASTE MY ATTENTION HUMORING YOU? 

DAVE: dude maybe if it werent so transparently obvious when you start doing your cupid voodoo shit we wouldnt gather around you like freezing orphans to a garbage fire  
DAVE: we all know shits going down somewhere so spill the magic beans 

JADE: yeah!!  
JADE: is it terezi or tavros?  
JADE: did something happen?? 

KARKAT: WHAT PART OF “IT’S NOT YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS” DO YOU ALL KEEP FAILING TO UNDERSTAND, OVER AND OVER AGAIN, EVERY TIME WE GET NEW CLIENTS? 

JOHN: maybe the part where it actually is our business? 

DAVE: hes right  
DAVE: it literally is our business 

JADE: you wouldnt be meddling otherwise!  
JADE: you never meddle when it isnt our clients 

KARKAT: YES I DO.  
KARKAT: AND IT’S NOT MEDDLING. IT’S AN ANCIENT AND ADVANCED MAGICAL SCIENCE, LIKE ALCHEMY BUT WITH PEOPLE. 

DAVE: and their emotions 

KARKAT: I CONSIDER THEIR EMOTIONS VERY SERIOUSLY AND FACTOR IT INTO MY WORK, OBVIOUSLY.  
KARKAT: WHY DO I HAVE TO KEEP EXPLAINING THIS TO YOU EVERY FUCKING TIME THIS HAPPENS? 

JOHN: mostly because it’s funny 

JADE: it is pretty funny 

DAVE: i for one take your work very seriously 

KARKAT: YOU’RE THE FUCKING WORST OF THEM, YOU LYING SACK OF EXCREMENT! 

DAVE: haha yeah  
DAVE: its just too easy  
DAVE: so are you going to tell us what happened or what 

KARKAT: FINE!  
KARKAT: BUTT INTO OTHER PEOPLE’S PRIVATE LIVES LIKE A HORDE OF GOSSIP MONGERING DOUCHEBAGS.  
KARKAT: I FELT THE OPPORTUNITY TO HELP OUR CLIENTS FORTIFY THEIR FOUNDATION OF MUTUAL TRUST AND SUPPORT, WHICH MAY PROVE TO BE CRITICALLY FUCKING IMPORTANT TO REDUCING THEIR DEPENDENCY ON THEIR DEMONS.  
KARKAT: A FACT THAT SOME PEOPLE I COULD MENTION HAVE COMPLETELY FAILED TO ADDRESS. 

JADE: hey, weve addressed it!!  
JADE: its just harder than usual with them because of everything theyve been through  
JADE: they can be pretty hard on themselves :( 

DAVE: yeah  
DAVE: like we get that they should have some kind of kickass support group to help them figure out new coping strategies that dont involve unleashing demons on the criminal population  
DAVE: rose talked our ear off about it and everything else  
DAVE: for like five hours  
DAVE: you dont even know bro  
DAVE: i stopped paying attention like half way through 

JOHN: oh man, i bet that was fun! 

JADE: yeah, it was kind of hard to follow...  
JADE: but i mostly paid attention! 

DAVE: yeah thank god  
DAVE: at least one of us knows what we’re doing 

JADE: well...  
JADE: kind of 

DAVE: kind of  
DAVE: the point is its not like they hadnt already thought about confiding in each other about their demon secrets before we got involved  
DAVE: and they got friends so its not like theyre these sad isolated recluses whove never experienced a meaningful emotional bond in their lives  
DAVE: its more nuanced than that and were not really therapists  
DAVE: like when we try to covert lead them through roses self affirmation drills they come back with this backward bullshit that either undermines their self worth or changes the subject  
DAVE: its like they dont want to talk about it 

KARKAT: OF COURSE THEY DON’T WANT TO FUCKING TALK ABOUT IT!  
KARKAT: DO YOU LIKE TALKING ABOUT YOUR DEEP, UNRESOLVED INSECURITIES? 

DAVE: uh  
DAVE: no not really 

KARKAT: SO THERE YOU GO.  
KARKAT: MYSTERY SOLVED. 

DAVE: okay but  
DAVE: how are you supposed to run a support group when nobody wants to talk about their problems 

JADE: we even opened up about ourselves to help them get comfortable!  
JADE: well, i did, at least  
JADE: a little bit  
JADE: terezi mostly just laughed at me the whole time :/  
JADE: tavros was supportive though! 

DAVE: yeah tavros isnt really a problem in terms of opening up  
DAVE: if you want him to tell you about his insecurities oh boy  
DAVE: hes got material for days  
DAVE: we rap about it 

KARKAT: WHY ARE YOU RAPPING ABOUT HIS ISSUES INSTEAD OF HELPING HIM RESOLVE THEM? 

DAVE: i dont know he was into it  
DAVE: i thought it worked 

KARKAT: DEFINE “WORKED” IN THIS CONTEXT. 

JOHN: yeah, dave, i think i’m with karkat on this one!  
JOHN: rapping is dumb and not at all therapeutic. 

DAVE: are you kidding  
DAVE: rapping is probably among the most therapeutic activities a person can pursue  
DAVE: next to listening to the haunting refrains of deep sea whales and electroshock therapy 

KARKAT: WE’RE GETTING OFF TRACK.  
KARKAT: AGAIN. 

JOHN: okay, so the bottom line here is that you used your magic on tavros and terezi to make them like each other more, right?  
JOHN: so are they married now or... 

KARKAT: FUCK YOU, EGBERT, YOU KNOW PERFECTLY WELL THAT MY JURISDICTION EXTENDS MILES BEYOND STEREOTYPICAL ROMANTIC LOVE, WHICH, BY THE FUCKING WAY, IS HARDLY THE BEST SOLUTION FOR THIS PARTICULAR CASE.  
KARKAT: THEY MADE A PACT IN BLOOD, CREATING A DEEP, MEANINGFUL BOND SURPASSING PLATONIC AFFECTION AND FAMILIAL LOYALTY, THE KIND YOUR GENERATION RARELY ACKNOWLEDGES WITH THE LEVEL OF RESPECT IT DESERVES. 

DAVE: damn dude  
DAVE: that sounds more serious than marriage  
DAVE: you dont fuck around do you 

KARKAT: IT’S NOT MORE OR LESS SERIOUS THAN MARRIAGE.  
KARKAT: IT’S ITS OWN THING.  
KARKAT: IF YOU WANT ME TO EXPLAIN IN EXCRUCIATING DETAIL, I’D BE HAPPY TO. 

DAVE: i mean what else do we have going on tonight 

JOHN: besides the alien movie marathon on syfy? 

DAVE: well shit  
DAVE: i cant tell which of these two options are more appealing 

JADE: they both suck!  
JADE: im going to repot some of my herbs and watch squiddles 

DAVE: i think we have a winner 

JOHN: looks like you’re stuck watching alien movies with me, karkat!  


KARKAT: LOOKS LIKE I’M GOING TO GO TALK TO GAMZEE 

JOHN: oh  
JOHN: in that case, i’ll see what vriska’s doing. 

* * *

VRISKA: Well, would you look at that!  
VRISKA: Looks like the hardest part is already done. 

VRISKA: How LUCKY. 


	18. Sign on the Line

VRISKA: Now? NOW????????  
VRISKA: You don’t even have to deal with Gamzee anymore!  
VRISKA: Why do you want to nullify our contracts NOW? 

TEREZI: W3V3 H4D 3NOUGH  
TEREZI: 4LL TH3 L13S 4ND B4CKST4BB1NG 4ND S1N  
TEREZI: W3R3 T1R3D OF 1T 4ND W3 DONT W4NT 1T 4NYMOR3  
TEREZI: W3 DONT N33D 1T 4NYMOR3 

VRISKA: Oh, come on! It’s not nearly that 8ad.  
VRISKA: For you, at least! I mean, from what I’ve heard, you were ahead of the 8acksta88ing game waaaaaaaay 8efore Gamzee ever showed up, so it’s not like you actually care.  
VRISKA: This is a8out Tavros again, isn’t it? 

TEREZI: NO  
TEREZI: Y3S  
TEREZI: 1TS 4BOUT BOTH OF US  
TEREZI: FOR M3 JUST 4S MUCH 4S 1T 1S FOR H1M 

VRISKA: 8ut what a8out US????????  
VRISKA: You and me! Did you forget to take THAT into consideration?  
VRISKA: We’ve really hit it off! I’ve never had a human I’ve connected with as much as I have with you!  
VRISKA: And I know you feel the same way. 8e honest, aren’t we a good team? 

TEREZI: M4YB3 W3 COULDV3 B33N 1F 4LL TH1S H4PP3N3D 4 D1FF3R3NT W4Y  
TEREZI: BUT TH3R3S MOR3 TO 3V3RYTH1NG TH4N B31NG 4 GOOD T34M 

VRISKA: Like WHAT?  
VRISKA: I can help you 8ecome the person you want to 8e more than anyone else can!  
VRISKA: With my luck, think of all the 8ad guys you could catch!  
VRISKA: You love catching 8ad guys, right? Isn’t that kind of your schtick?  
VRISKA: I could even help you get 8ack into law school!  
VRISKA: I’m the demon you DESERVE, the one who could have really made a difference in your life. For the 8etter!  
VRISKA: Can TAVROS do any of that? No, 8ecause he’s a 8um8ling idiot that can 8arely keep track of his own messed up affairs!  
VRISKA: What can he offer you that I can’t? 

TEREZI: 1TS NOT 4BOUT WH4T H3 C4N OR C4NT OFF3R M3!  
TEREZI: H3S NOT 4 TOOL 1M US1NG TO FURTH3R MY OWN SCH3M3S  
TEREZI: 1S TH4T R34LLY SO H4RD TO G3T  
TEREZI: OR 1S TH4T TH3 W4Y YOU JUST TH1NK OF P3OPL3 

VRISKA: I only think that way a8out people who aren’t worth anything more than the ways they can 8e used.  
VRISKA: I don’t think that way a8out you, if you want to know.  
VRISKA: I honestly want to 8e in an equal, mutually 8eneficial partnership with you.  
VRISKA: Like, what human friends do. Human lovers, even! If that’s your thing.  
VRISKA: And to 8e honest, I don’t even think a8out Tavros as a tool all the time, either! We’ve had our moments, and I honestly enjoyed them. Like, really deep moments that made me care.  
VRISKA: Look, I can 8e nuanced and complic8ed, just as much as anyone else. Cut me some slack! 

TEREZI: 1T DO3SNT M4TT3R  
TEREZI: NON3 OF TH1S M4TT3RS  
TEREZI: M4YB3 W3 COULDV3 WORK3D SOM3TH1NG OUT UND3R D1FF3R3NT C1RCUMST4NC3S  
TEREZI: 4ND 1 GU3SS 1F 1M R34LLY HON3ST  
TEREZI: 1 WOULD H4V3 L1K3D 1T 1F W3 COULD  
TEREZI: 4 P4RTN3RSH1P W1TH YOU COULD H4V3 B33N FUN  
TEREZI: BUT B3TW33N YOU 4ND G4MZ33 4ND T4VROS  
TEREZI: TH1S C4NT CONT1NU3 

VRISKA: Gamzee isn’t even an issue anymore!  
VRISKA: He’s a non-issue. He’s gone, never to 8other you again. 

TEREZI: BUT H3 C4N ST1LL BOTH3R T4VROS  
TEREZI: M4YB3 TH3Y WOULDV3 B33N F1N3 TOO 1F 1T W3R3 JUST TH3M BUT TH4TS NOT TH3 C4S3  
TEREZI: JUST L1K3 1TS NOT TH3 C4S3 W1TH US B3C4US3 YOUR3 ST1LL CONN3CT3D TO T4VROS 3V3N WH3N YOUR3 W1TH M3  
TEREZI: 1TS TH3 FOUR OF US STUCK 1N TH1S DOUBL3 CONTR4CT H3LL TH4T N33DS TO 3ND  
TEREZI: 4ND TH1S 1S TH3 ONLY W4Y TO DO 1T 

VRISKA: There’s more than one way to end a dou8le contract. 

TEREZI: 1 DONT C4R3  
TEREZI: W3V3 M4D3 UP OUR M1NDS 

VRISKA: Fine! Then I’ve made up mine. 

TEREZI: WH4T?  
TEREZI: HOW 

VRISKA: You’ll seeeeeeee!  
VRISKA: I’ve got some 8usiness to attend to. We’ll talk again l8r! 

TEREZI: W41T WH4T BUS1N3SS  
TEREZI: VR1SK4! 

* * *

The warehouse bathroom was a small, concrete box lit by an unreliable florescent rod, but the door could be bolted securely. Tavros slipped inside and slid the lock into place. Vriska appeared behind him.

“Okay, here’s the deal,” she said, and with a flip of her hand, a scroll of glowing parchment unraveled to the floor. “We’re canceling our contract. Sign here.”

“We—what?” Tavros asked. The florescent light flickered, but the contract kept the room illuminated with its dim glow.

“We’re nullifying the contract! That’s what you wanted, right? You’ve been holding it over my head since those lawyers showed up, so don’t try acting clueless now. Here, sign here, and I’ll be on my way, never to bother you again.”

“You mean, now?” Tavros said. He glanced at the door, beyond which he could hear Meenah snapping at Cronus. “Uh, but, with the Syndicate...”

“Not now, obviously,” Vriska said. “It’s not half that easy to get rid of this thing. Haven’t you learned from hanging out with your lawyer friends how much bureaucracy goes into this crap?”

“But...that’s it? That’s, uh...all that it would take to end it?”

“For you, Tavros, yes. That’s it. Done and dusted, you go your way, I go mine.”

Tavros looked at the contract, trying to piece together his thoughts. “...I don’t, uh, remember the words being blue like that,” he finally said, glancing up at Vriska just in time to catch her roll her eyes.

“Like you actually remember what color the words were! You hardly looked at it. Would you just sign the damn thing and not waste my time for once?”

“I...shouldn’t sign things I haven’t read.”

Vriska let out an exasperated groan. “Did Terezi tell you that?”

“Uh, yes, but I also learned not to, due to my own past mistakes...”

“Oh, so you can learn!” Vriska sneered, but she thrust the contract at him. “See, look here. ‘Upon signing, the human party hereby agrees to renounce their binding covenant with their demon, including all benefits provided by the demon’s magic, and to cease any further transactions and negotiations with the demon.’ There! See? It’s legitimate! So, quick, sign.”

“Uh...” Tavros said, gingerly taking hold of the contract and furrowing his brow. The contract was written with a frustrating combination of legal and supernatural jargon, and he had barely made it through another sentence when a violent pounding sounded at the door. Tavros jumped in alarm, losing his place on the document.

“Tavros, damn it, are you on the phone in there?” Meenah shouted, pounding on the door again. “You know the deal with phone calls on a job!”

“No, I’m just...using the bathroom, like I said,” Tavros called back, clutching his chest.

“My ass you are! Who you talking to?”

“Uh...” Tavros said, looking up at Vriska. She pointed down at the signature line, widening her eyes and grimacing. “Nobody,” he said, “I’m just...talking to myself, about, uh, our campaign, so...”

“Uh-huh, sure! So come out if you ain’t on the phone! I’m giving you ‘til the count of five before I bust down this door. 1...”

Vriska turned her hand in the air, conjuring a pen. “Sign, and I’ll go,” she said, pushing the pen into Tavros’s hand.

“2!”

“Uh...um...” Tavros said, glancing down at the paper and over his shoulder at the door. He looked up at Vriska, biting his lip.

“3!”

Squeezing his eyes shut, he scrawled his signature across the signature line. The contract immediately disappeared with a pop, and the soft glow it emitted left with it. Only the harsh light of the florescent rod filled the bathroom.

“There. That wasn’t so bad, was it?” Vriska said, folding her arms with a smirk. “I’ll let you know right before it’s really over, just so you can prepare yourself. Enjoy the rest of your life without me, kid!”

“4!” Meenah shouted, and Vriska disappeared. Tavros scrambled to the door and flung it open, nearly falling into Meenah.

“Let me see your phone,” she said immediately, holding out her hand. After a second of gathering his wits, Tavros dug into his pocket and pulled out his phone. Meenah unlocked it and checked through his calls and messages. He waited for her to finish. “Okay, you’re good,” she said, tossing it back to him.

“Can we continue now?” Eridan called from the table, openly annoyed.

“Yeah, uh...yeah,” Tavros said, returning his phone to his pocket. He followed Meenah back to the table, squeezing down a sense of uncomfortable anticipation.


	19. Family dissolution

 

TAVROS: tEREZI, cAN i,  
TAVROS: sTAY WITH YOU, fOR A LITTLE WHILE 

TEREZI: Y34H  
TEREZI: JOHN GO W1TH H1M TO G3T H1S STUFF  
TEREZI: 4ND DONT STOP 4NYWH3R3 OR T4LK TO 4NYON3 ON TH3 W4Y 

JOHN: ...right

 

* * *

 


	20. Contract: 8reak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! I suggest making the video bigger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, to be clear, this is not the ending. To be continued.


	21. Time Guy Rectify

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Returning to the past.........

TAVROS: sO,  
TAVROS: wHAT DO WE DO,  
TAVROS: iS, eNDING THE CONTRACTS THE ONLY OPTION,

ROSE: That, or we can attempt to mediate. Which may be difficult.  
ROSE: Beside the threat of ending the contracts, we have little authority to wield against your demons. All we have is diplomacy.  
ROSE: However, your safety is our concern as well. If you think it would be unsafe to end your contracts now, we should take that into consideration.  
ROSE: You may consider postponing the nullification of your contracts long enough to alter your situation or affairs into something more safe. We can break your contracts once you’ve become more secure.  
ROSE: What will it be?

TEREZI: ...

TAVROS: ,,,

TEREZI: T4VROS?

TAVROS: i,  
TAVROS: uNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS A HARD SITUATION ON YOU, aND THAT CANCELLING YOUR CONTRACT WITH gAMZEE WOULD MAKE YOU HAPPY,  
TAVROS: aND NOT FEELING RESPONSIBLE FOR ME WOULD ALSO, mAKE YOUR LIFE MANY TIMES EASIER,  
TAVROS: sO IF YOU THINK THAT’S THE BEST THING TO DO,  
TAVROS: i TRUST YOUR JUDGMENT, aND AGREE TO YOUR DECISION,

TEREZI: ...  
TEREZI: W3LL TRY FOR M3D14T1ON FOR NOW  
TEREZI: 4ND 1F W3 C4N WORK TH1NGS OUT TH3N W3LL C4NC3L TH3 CONTR4CTS  
TEREZI: HOWS TH4T SOUND

TAVROS: oH, wOW, tWO ANGELS,

KARKAT: CAN’T THERE BE SOME SORT OF WARNING BEFORE YOU POP UP FROM THE FUTURE OR PAST OR WHEREVER THE HELL YOU’RE FROM?  
KARKAT: YOU’RE GOING TO GIVE THE HUMANS A HEART ATTACK.

JOHN: you mean give YOU a heart attack.  
JOHN: we’re fine.

KARKAT: DEMONS DON’T HAVE HEART ATTACKS.

JOHN: are you sure?

JADE: you do startle pretty easily!  
JADE: your blood pressure is probably ridiculous

KARKAT: DEMONS DON’T HAVE BLOOD PRESSURE!

F!DAVE: okay hey as much as i love harassing karkat  
F!DAVE: im not entirely in the mood for it right now  
F!DAVE: i got news

JADE: bad news?

ROSE: Is your news related to the case we’ve just accepted?

F!DAVE: well obviously  
F!DAVE: i didnt return to this exact moment in the past to shoot the shit  
F!DAVE: this particular moment isnt top notch fond memory fodder  
F!DAVE: i mean past me is just about to morph into a dog to carry a joke and that was pretty sweet but

ROSE: Dave. The news, please.

F!DAVE: right okay  
F!DAVE: the short of it is that mediation is not a good idea  
F!DAVE: the situation is a little more complicated than we thought

ROSE: Can you elaborate?

F!DAVE: well we did the standard stuff  
F!DAVE: karkat and john hit it off with the demons and me and jade stuck with these two  
F!DAVE: but we clearly underestimated how fucked up these demons are  
F!DAVE: we thought we were making progress when we convinced gamzee to back off and got some community solidarity going  
F!DAVE: but we fucked up with vriska and she made her own plans  
F!DAVE: using magic on anyone she damn well pleased including and not limited to tavros terezi me and karkat  
F!DAVE: and as a result  
F!DAVE: long story short  
F!DAVE: tavros got shot and fell out of a window  
F!DAVE: his brother and aradia were gunned down by the mafia  
F!DAVE: tavross contract was transferred to terezi so now she has two full contracts with warring demons  
F!DAVE: gamzees gone full rage  
F!DAVE: and weve all been targeted by the mafia particularly jade  
F!DAVE: so my votes in favor of destroying these contracts as soon as supernaturally possible

TEREZI: TH1S 4LL H4PP3N3D

F!DAVE: yeah pretty much all in one afternoon  
F!DAVE: i mean vriskas scheming phase probably lasted a lot longer than that but i dont have the inside deets there  
F!DAVE: the violent deaths and destruction of everything anyone here has ever loved was all pretty quick and smooth

TAVROS: dOES, tHIS MEAN THERE’S NO HOPE,

ROSE: Absolutely not.  
ROSE: It simply means that mediation is not a viable plan of action.  
ROSE: Some relationships are too turbulent to be mediated. Some simply need to be destroyed to protect those involved.  
ROSE: We will terminate the contracts immediately.  
ROSE: I understand that you both have reservations with that plan, but it is my professional opinion that we move forward with haste.

TAVROS: bUT,  
TAVROS: tHAT DOESN’T SOLVE THE OBVIOUS MAFIA PROBLEM,  
TAVROS: wHICH IS STILL A HUGE CONCERN, pARTICULARLY FOR ME,  
TAVROS: i CAN’T JUST, sTOP,  
TAVROS: tEREZI,?

TEREZI: …  
TEREZI: YOU KNOW 1V3 B33N TH1NK1NG 4BOUT MOV1NG H4LF W4Y 4CROSS TH3 COUNTRY W1THOUT W4RN1NG 4NYW4Y

TAVROS: yOU MEAN, aS IN RUN AWAY,

ROSE: How about this.  
ROSE: Go on a vacation. A long one, somewhere nice and far.  
ROSE: We will take care of your contracts in the meantime to prevent your demons from causing you harm.  
ROSE: Our field agents will accompany and protect you. They are as much trained in warding off demons as they are in mediation. Their role essentially becomes that of a ring of a salt, blocking your demons’ influence from you until they are no longer in your lives.

TEREZI: 1F TH3Y COULD DO TH4T WHY D1D TH3Y L3T VR1SK4 G3T TH3 UPP3R H4ND

KARKAT: YOU CAN’T BLOCK A DEMON’S INFLUENCE IF THEY’RE STILL WORKING WITH THEIR HUMAN.  
KARKAT: THAT’S THE OPPOSITE OF THE POINT OF MEDIATION.

ROSE: Protection magic is functionally impossible when anyone has contact with the ostracized demons.  
ROSE: With this path, you will never see your demons from this moment forward.  
ROSE: That is, unless you keep their signs handy for some point in the future should you choose to reinitiate contact.  
ROSE: We don’t recommend this, but you did say that you both got along with one of your demons, correct?

TEREZI: Y34H K1ND OF  
TEREZI: TH3 D3MONS TH4T 4R3NT OUR PR1M4R13S

ROSE: You may consider that an option in your future.  
ROSE: But, again, we do not recommend it, so be advised.  
ROSE: Dave, would you please join us and correct our mistakes?

F!DAVE: yeah sure  
F!DAVE: one erased timeline coming up  
DAVE: now you said something about a vacation

JADE: yeah!! :D

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go! 
> 
>  
> 
> ( whenever I finish it.............. )


End file.
